Stop being a nice guy - learn to be a tough dude. How to develop a strong character How to be tougher

5 minutes to read. Views 1.1k. Published September 12, 2013

A gentle and kind character is good, but, unfortunately, sometimes it does not benefit the person himself. Sometimes you have to become a tougher person to survive in modern world. At work or school, it is not always worth being on the same terms with everyone. If people with whom you can only communicate harshly, otherwise, as they say, they can sit on your neck. To learn how to become tougher, you need to understand that a tough person has demands not only on others, but also on himself. It is necessary to distinguish rigidity from cruelty, since these are different concepts. A harsh person does not cause physical harm to other people, but simply makes certain demands on them. And when we're talking about about a cruel person, then his actions may be inadequate and lead to trouble. So it’s worth distinguishing between these two concepts for yourself.

How to become tougher in character

Sometimes if a person needs to change his life, then he changes externally and internally. It happens that it makes sense to change your character. Those who are soft by nature and compliant in everything will benefit from learning how to become tougher. You can start with the following:

1. begin to have strict self-discipline

2. gain respect from people around you

3. try to have a significant status in society

4. Demands should be made not only to the people around you, but also to yourself

5. assessment of your requirements for other people should be objective and unbiased

6. you need to strive to have a stable psyche

7. claims should not be made based on the past or a purely personal relationship with a particular person

8. The reaction to everything around you should be positive

9. You need to become a self-confident person and leave your complexes behind.

10. you need to learn to defend your opinion, as well as decisions made

11. learn to say the word “no”

12. be guided not only by your heart and emotions, but also by your mind

13. develop your own strategy of decisions and rules

14. do not allow yourself to be manipulated and refuse

15. think not only about others, but also about yourself

How to become tougher in relationships

Everyone knows that people who know their worth well are always more attractive. Sometimes, in order to please a person of the opposite sex, you can forget about self-respect. And this is a completely wrong move. Attention and respect can be obtained even if you behave correctly and defend your interests. So those people who want to learn how to become tougher in relationships should behave as follows.

We need to start developing self-respect. It is necessary to read a lot and broaden your horizons so that your lexicon. If the other half behaves too persistently, then you should think about whether such a relationship is necessary. Because when a person is respected and valued, there should be no pressure or imposition of an opinion. If something doesn’t suit you in a relationship, then you need to muster up the courage and talk frankly. The conversation may be a little tough, but it will dot the i’s. If the other half continues to stand its ground, then it is worth making it clear that such a relationship is not what you would like to have. If there is a fear that the partner will leave for another person, then the relationship is not as strong as we would like. Sometimes parting for a short time provides an opportunity to sort out feelings. You shouldn’t humiliate yourself and show that there is a fear of losing. The other half should also make efforts for a good relationship.

It is not always worth regretting and forgiving many things. Because they can become a habit in a person. They need to be stopped at the very beginning. You need to show your feelings, but in moderation. You should not show your love unnecessarily. Constant declarations of love on the one hand will not lead to anything good. You can be grateful for compliments, but take them for granted, so that the person can see that you know your worth. Advice from loved ones and friends is not always correct, as each person has their own experience. Therefore, you need to trust only your feelings and intuition.

How to get tougher at work

To prevent people from being used or manipulated at work, they should sometimes become tougher. If the boss is soft in character and good-natured, then his subordinates will not listen to him and do their job well.

Many people will benefit from learning how to become tougher. This will help you gain respect from others. You always need to be able to defend your point of view. Do not use the words “I don’t know” or “maybe”. We must learn to say “no.” And then, when a colleague once again asks to do work for her, and hears a sharp refusal, she will no longer dare to come with such an offer again. Defending your opinion and arguments in front of people should raise your authority and inspire respect. Employees are unlikely to respect a person who runs around and waits on everyone. Their respect will be given to those who manage their time and affairs wisely. A cruel but fair leader will always enjoy authority among his subordinates.

Does a person need to be cruel? Everyone has their own opinion on this matter. It is clear that none of us wants to see cruel people around us, whom we are rightfully afraid of, or at least afraid of. We are much more comfortable being around harmless, compliant, kind and sympathetic people who would not cause you any fear. This desire is understandable, it meets our needs for security. But let's think about it - how safe is it to be an overly kind, sympathetic, soft, compliant and absolutely harmless person in this world? Or at least seem like it? Perhaps not the best option for us. At least we don't always have to be like that. Because such a person will be offended by many, used and self-affirmed at his expense. But tough and, even more so, cruel people, as a rule, are feared, and therefore respected, and therefore taken into account. The world is often cruel and merciless to those who do not understand its laws. And in order not to become its victim, you also need to be able to be cruel. Therefore, in this article we will talk to you about how to develop toughness in yourself, exactly as much as is necessary in order to stand up for yourself and defend your interests in this life.

At one time I worked as a criminal psychologist and dealt with very cruel people, or rather, with the actions that they committed. This allowed me to look at the world from the dark side, so to speak. And I realized that the world can be very cruel, especially to weak people. And since the world can be cruel, then the person in it should also be cruel - when necessary. Cruelty is considered a sign of weakness and cowardice, but let's think harder - is this really so? Does a cruel person who knows how to subjugate the will of other people seem weak? Is he like that? As a rule, no. Although, due to weakness and fear, a person can indeed commit cruel acts to intimidate other people, thus suppressing his fear at the expense of their fear, but even in this case, thanks to his aggressive actions, a person achieves results, and does not remain inactive and does not run away from danger. Therefore, a person needs cruelty, especially in situations where a person’s life depends on its presence or absence. He needs to be cruel in order to resist cruelty, for I have never seen a case in my life when cruelty and violence were successfully opposed by kindness. I do not take the story of Mahatma Gandhi as an example, because I do not consider his philosophy of nonviolence to be nonviolent. But that’s not what we’re talking about now. If you found this article, it means that you have already become acquainted with life - with that side of it that does not pat you on the head, but stings very strongly and painfully. Therefore, why should you become cruel, you yourself know very well. I just want to say that we develop cruelty in ourselves not in order to use it to commit violence against other people, but in order to protect ourselves from this violence.

So, in order to become a cruel person, dear friends, you first need to reconsider your entire worldview. Kindness and cruelty are two sides of the same coin. You must understand and accept this, and stop considering cruelty as something that should not exist in our lives. Therefore, to be cruel, you need to become practical. What does it mean? This means that moral standards should be perceived by you only from the point of view of your interests. Simply put, you need to be kind when it benefits you. And when it is not beneficial for you, forget about kindness, decency, honor, honesty, and so on. Cruelty, as I became convinced by studying its origins, is, first of all, cold-blooded practicality, in which a person can step over anyone, for the sake of himself and his interests. Therefore, the development of cruelty requires a person to develop composure and indifference to other people, in which a person is able to control his emotions. There is no need to be a rabid sadist, a wild psychopath who terrifies people. Although this is also a manifestation of cruelty. But with an animal character you will not get far, you will either be put in a cage, more balanced, but no less strong people, or other wild psychopaths will kill you. It is better to be a cold-blooded and calculating cynic, quietly and effectively removing everyone who blocks it from his path. Such a person is cruel mainly due to his prudence and the absence of any moral brakes. He is neither bad nor good, he lives the way it suits him to live. To become such a person, it is necessary, as I already said, to completely reconsider your worldview, and make for yourself the norm of what you now regard with fear and hatred. Must be accepted into your inner world cruel and immoral acts, understanding their meaning. You should never judge other people and their actions for anything - you should just try to understand what you are afraid of and what you hate. Forget that there is anything good or bad in this world - try to see the meaning in everything, even in the most wild and immoral actions of people. And of course, look for your own benefit in everything. The one who invented this world and you and me knew what he was doing. He created us as we should be, according to at least in this world.

But you and I still must take into account the fact that people’s cruelty is an integral part of their lives, so we need not to fence ourselves off from it, but learn to live with it and show it as necessary. And therefore, the last way to become cruel, which I want to tell you about in this article, dear friends, is very simple - take the example of those who act cruelly, but not wildly, but rather cynically and effectively, achieving their goals with the help of cruelty. Study the behavior of these people, try to understand its origins, its meaning, characteristics, goals. And then, think about what actions you can use to adopt this behavior and reproduce it in situations where you need it. You can, say, not help people when you don’t need it, it’s not profitable and it’s disgusting, right? You can also learn to mercilessly destroy your enemies in a variety of ways, using all the means available to you. You just need to abandon the patterned behavior that you are now unconsciously adhering to, and begin to form a new, more correct pattern, by imitating those who behave more practically.

Cruelty requires from a person not only a certain understanding of life, but also determination. You need to start choosing the behavior model you need. Once upon a time you learned from someone to be a non-cruel person, right? Someone showed you by example how you should and should not act in this life, someone made you the way you are now, instilling in you certain attitudes? Well, now learn from other people how to be cruel - take an example from those who, you think, understand life better than you. Study the behavior and thinking of these people - learn to look at the world through their eyes. And then you too will become a cruel person - justifiably cruel.

Also keep in mind that an abusive person can beat other people in a variety of ways. For him, the end always justifies any means. Among in various ways In achieving goals, a special place is occupied by the ability to manipulate people, thanks to which many insidious rulers came to power and established their own strict and even cruel laws and rules for everyone. Manipulation is the most powerful weapon in the hands of any person. This is a weapon of both local and mass destruction. If you are a physically and mentally weak person, if you need a strong weapon to protect yourself and defend your interests, then you need to learn how to manipulate people - this skill will give you great power. Good manipulators are able to outplay, outwit, and ultimately defeat anyone. Master the skills of manipulating people and they will help you cope with any enemies, rivals, competitors.

Friends, do not forget that we develop cruelty in ourselves not in order to purposefully harm other people, but in order to prevent them from harming us. And also so that they do not interfere with us achieving our goals and do not get in our way. When nothing else helps in such cases, you can resort to competent cruelty.

If you're one of the nice dudes who always walks away from conflict, this column is for you. Do people not appreciate your gentleness and think that this is a reason to neglect you? Do your friends and colleagues see you as a peacemaker who always smoothes out rough edges? Do they think you're the kind of person who won't rock the boat? Do you never say no? Perhaps today is the right day to change that.

Think about how you usually react when you are standing in line and someone jumps ahead of you. Or when someone comes to the bar later than you and, while you are patiently waiting for the bartender’s attention, manages to order a drink. You might say that such things don't bother you, but most likely it's just a way to save face. Admit it: such things are frankly infuriating - even if they mean practically nothing - it’s still stress, and stress is harmful to the body and mental balance.

Or do you constantly get to do something that no one wants to do - for example, organize a vacation, collect money from everyone for drinks for a party, or something like that. On the one hand, it is pleasant and responsible. On the other hand, they simply put on your shoulders what they themselves do not want to do. How are things going at work? If you want to occupy a high position, you, of course, must be able to work in a team, but at the same time have the ability to make decisions independently. Stop hesitating - take responsibility already!

It's nice to be known as a good guy, but if this image is created at the expense of your self-confidence, your health, your career plans, interpersonal relationships, then you definitely need to change something. This is what we will talk about today. You can change behavior and people will change their attitude towards you. Here are some tips on how to stop being that person that everyone takes advantage of.

Know your purpose

Perhaps you don’t like being ignored, but you’re so used to it that you don’t even know how to change yourself, where to start. Work on a tougher attitude towards others, which will allow you to take back control of your rights and let people know that you cannot be rubbished.
You probably want people to respect you and stop taking advantage of you.
Do you want to change people’s attitude towards you and show that you are not weak, but confident and assertive.
Increase your self-confidence and self-esteem.

Strengthen your decision

Now you have realized your goals - it is time to implement them. To do this you need to take seven simple steps.

1. Learn to express your opinion

Listen to your instincts. When something bothers you, when something makes you feel uncomfortable, talk about it right away. This behavior must be learned. If you missed the chance to do it right away, think about how to say it a little later in a personal conversation.

For example, explain to a colleague that you don’t like urgent deadlines that are communicated to you at the last minute. Tell your girlfriend that you don't like it when she tells everyone at the table about the details of your sex life. You need to clarify these points. Discuss these issues calmly, without accusations, and you will reduce tension and finally change the way others perceive you.

2. Stop agreeing

No matter how hard you try, you won't please everyone. When you constantly care about others' feelings and don't want to hurt anyone, it can go against your own desires. If something bothers you, go back to point 1.

If your friend constantly makes scandals over the slightest reason, and in order to calm her down, you simply apologize and agree with her, perhaps she is just as tired of this state of affairs as you are. Maybe she continues to find fault with you just so that you take a certain position - at least on some issue! Stand up for your opinion, express it and say “no” at least sometimes. If she wants to save your relationship, she will respect that much more than weak-willed agreement with everything.

3. Learn to recognize situations in which you don’t need to fight

There's no need to practice your newly acquired tenacity when you're driving with a crazy driver - you risk becoming a victim of normal driver rage. Don’t rush to say “no” to your boss: you could ruin your career. Talk with caution to mentally unstable people. In other cases, stop hiding from the conflict - you need to take the fight. If you have disagreements, resolve them. Talk about the little things that irritate you in a timely manner so that they do not develop into all-consuming problems.

4. Start small

It's easier to practice being tough on strangers, because family and friends first expect your usual non-conflict, meek, inexpressive behavior. Learn to manage your skills, and then use them on loved ones. Overcome your reluctance to think about your own needs in urgent situations. If your doctor prescribes you a ton of tests, ask yourself if all of them are really necessary. There is no need to immediately come to terms with a serious diagnosis and hang your nose, anticipating the worst-case scenario. Stop giving money to the beggar who is constantly on duty at your entrance: how much can you give? Just look him in the eyes and wish him Have a good day without feeling guilty.

5. Be tough

Usually, during acute situations, you try to maintain balance, not express yourself, and behave steadily. Instead, be clear about what you want, expect, and need. You're not yelling like a crazy person - you're just setting a new pattern of behavior, and people may find themselves disarmed because they don't expect it. If they try to persuade you, remembering that you are a weakling, do not give in to this emotional blackmail. If you don't express your opinions and desires, people will eventually not understand that they are doing anything wrong.

6. Be persistent

You won't change in one day. You will have to constantly remind yourself that you are working on yourself, that you have decided to change. People around you will probably notice that you are suddenly acting differently. In the end, you thought about it for a long time - you just didn’t voice these thoughts. Don’t let the embarrassment of others embarrass you, don’t deviate from your path. If your girlfriend is constantly late and you are tired of always waiting for her, let her understand that she should respect your time and somehow learn to plan hers. Remember that you are not only changing yourself, but also teaching people to treat themselves in a new way. It won't always be easy, but focus on the profit that awaits you - it's worth it.

7. Change your environment

And here is the most radical way: change your social circle, break off an unsuccessful relationship, or find new job. If you can’t earn respect in one place because an opinion has already been formed about you, it’s no good: people simply can’t cope with new information, they don’t have the brains to rethink the changes that are happening - perhaps not only with you. When you meet new people, act appropriately from the beginning. Now you understand the difference between a nice guy and a weakling - and you will build relationships with new people differently.

Cute guy for no reason

If you constantly accept self-disparagement, no one will take you seriously. You can still be a caring husband, an interesting friend, an interested participant in events, a good employee - but you will simply stop being a weakling. Just remember that you deserve to be appreciated, not used. If you are not appreciated, you are worthy of pity. Practice and you'll soon find that it becomes easier for you to express your feelings and that you will become more confident at work and in your personal life. Don't be surprised if people start to overestimate you - they might even be glad that you're no longer a weakling.

What's so fun about being cute and shy? Better be bold! Impudence, energy, courage are qualities that can be envied. Instead of blending in with the crowd, you will learn to stand out. Instead of going with the flow, you can change it yourself. You are a girl with pepper, you can't be stopped in any situation.

Steps

Let your audacity shine

Be a little cheeky. But know when to stop. You need to be confident, not overconfident. Be honest and not offensive. Become cheeky, not rude. The essence of cheek is to say something cheeky, but with a smile on your face, as if you don’t mean anything bad. It is a mixture of different qualities in one whole. You can also call such a person a daring smartass.

• The next time your friend texts you, “Can I come over and play with you, ferret?” and you’re tired of his typos instead of replying, “Okay!” - type: “What?! Am I a ferret?! That's rough".
• To be cheeky is to be fun. So when the teacher in English asks you how Charles Marlowe prevented his slaves from escaping, you, without even looking at the book, say: “He cut off their legs!” - with a smile on your face, and not with an angry look.

1. Answer quickly. If a friend said that she is leaving your party for a cooler one, you can answer that she better first choose the right blouse to match her shoes. But, again, with a shy smile and laughter - without excessive wit and causticity. If someone wants to say something less than tactful to you, you can also show your tactlessness in response. Play this game!

   • Our old friend Shakespeare once said one very good phrase: “I would gladly fight you in an intellectual duel. But, as I see, you are unarmed.” Witty responses will be cheeky in the form of stating a fact or question, as opposed to expressing a personal opinion. Indeed, these answers look much better on the outside than they are on the inside. Instead of saying, “Shut up!” - say: “Are you some kind of star? No? Then stop interrupting me." Something like that. Or, the next time your friend praises someone, say, “I would like to agree with you, but I don’t want to tell a lie.” That's all!

2. Be confident . If there is one quality that distinguishes all daring girls, it is confidence. To do this, you need to know and love yourself in order to do what you want, express your personal opinion and not behave like a dejected wallflower. So, to empower your inner sass, call on that confident girl inside you and let her out! Because she's damn good!

   • If you have confidence issues, it may be easier to start working on the outside. It's true that confidence comes from within, but it can also come from without! Dress well, try to be comfortable on the street, and act the way you think you should act. confident man. Practice makes a habit, after all!

3. Be funny . Might as well ask your guinea pig to speak his inner monologues out loud, right? But don't assume that everyone has a sense of humor; everyone has things that they find funny. This is a human characteristic that does not depend on genes. So trust your instincts - if something makes you laugh, maybe it will make someone else smile!

4. Be honest . From about the age of ten, we all (and especially girls) learn not to say everything we think about. We learn to be good, polite, and definitely learn to avoid situations that embarrass us. In the process of this learning, we lose our honesty and integrity. But to become sassy, ​​you need to learn a little!

   • But this is not a reason to become bad. Bold is not bad. So when your friend doesn't take over your part for a school project, you shouldn't attack him with a "Hey! Come to your senses before you sabotage our project, you slacker!” Instead, have the courage to say, “Hey! We all put a lot of effort into our work. If you don’t want to help, you can take on the project alone, but we’re better off working together.”
     • Yes, some people will take your directness and honesty as a bad character, but these are only those who want to see you as a doormat. As long as you don't hurt other people's feelings, everything will be fine.

5. Be more energetic . A daring person at his core cheerful man. He is happy, cheerful, cheerful and full of energy. If you are lethargic, dull and lacking energy, your insolence may be mistaken for cynicism. A springy gait will give your insolence a cheerful touch and make everyone envy you.

   • The easiest way to become energetic (we don't mean running around the room) is to be close to your family and friends. Instead of hunched over your phone, answering texts with a glassy eye, or having your head in the clouds, be present. at this moment. Look at people when they are talking, smile and nod. Ask questions. Make jokes and flirt. Live in the moment.

   We behave boldly

   1. Have fun! This step is similar to the previous one, but it doesn't hurt to remember that boldness has a lot in common with fun. Why not? You are confident, energetic, and know how to cheer up (even yourself). So don’t be afraid to create an atmosphere of surprise, independence from the situation. Because everyone around you and you yourself have the correct worldview.

      • Seriously. Become the person who knows how to enjoy everything. Did you get a super-large coffee muffin for lunch today? What a success! Oops, did you get chocolate cake on your shirt? Fashion show time! Stains are all the rage, didn’t you know? Is your friend looking at your huge spot with a grin? Just tell her, "A cake stain is nothing compared to your wet armpits." (With a smile, of course).

   2. Make your presence visible. Surely you are familiar with invisible ones. Wherever they go, they are simply not noticed. They “glue” to the wall and barely audibly enter and exit. Yes, this is not about you. It's too annoying for you. Boldness is a quality that will be noticeable to everyone!

      • So, whether you're telling jokes, telling stories, or hosting a fashion show with a lunch spot - go all the way. Don't be shy about those who pay attention to you. After all, there is one very good thing about all this - your positive energy and cheerfulness will keep the party afloat. And believe me, not everyone is capable of this!

   3. Say what you mean . To be bold, you must become one of those who say what others are only thinking. You shouldn't be embarrassed by telling it like it is - good or bad. So many people are afraid to ask for what they want or to simply express their true thoughts. But this is not about you!

      • So, if your teacher gave you three days to write a five-page paper, just tell him that it is illogical to give so little time. When your lover tells funny joke, don't be afraid to say he's very nice. And when your friend wears pants that don't suit her, you have to tell her about it before others notice.

   4. Your body language should also be bold. Because you are confident, energetic and bold - your body language should match this. What does a daring girl who keeps silent look like? Here are some tips:

      • Walk with your head held high. Pull your shoulders back and never slouch. Show off your confidence!
      • Don't shy away from eye contact. You have something to say, and so do others. Why not join them in this process?
      • Be flirty. Smile, touch the person you are interested in, laugh - you know how it works.
      • Roll your eyes or point different signs using other parts of the body (something like “talk as much as you want, no one listens to you”) is also possible, but it’s better to keep it to a minimum. Such things are quite easy to cause negativity.

   5. Don't worry about what others think. This should be just for show, but in general, in audacity there is no place for this kind of experience. Some people will be put off by your behavior; many will argue that girls should be quiet and shy. And in addition to this, some people may be very sensitive and very sensitive to your directness. All this will happen. Of course, you need to listen to comments. Some of them may make sense. But if not, then you don’t need to pay attention to them.

      • To act boldly, you need to know with whom to behave this way and with whom not. You may have a friend who won't put up with your sarcasm and teasing. If so, admit it. You don’t need to change yourself for anyone, but you need to accept the feelings of others.

   Expanding the boundaries of audacity

6. Style is a relative concept. If you come to a punk concert, then you don’t need to worry about the style of couture items. Trust what the word itself means to you. The most important thing is that your clothes impress people, including you. Can you imagine a daring man dressed as a walrus?

7. Challenge your fears. Daring people are not afraid of anything. They are willing to get out of their comfort zone and do whatever they need to do. It follows that if it is easy to be confident, saying what you think is also easy; take it to the next level and challenge your fears - you will benefit from it. And you can’t help but like this, can you?

   • Challenge yourself - be it public performance, fear of heights or slugs. You're not afraid to challenge others, right? You provoke them, you tell them like it is, you are honest - so be honest with yourself. This is true!

Warnings

• There will always be people who are easily offended and who may consider you rude. This shouldn't stop you.
• Don't overdo this, as you will be perceived as rude and arrogant!
• Some people may be jealous and spread bad rumors about you, but don't let them get you down. Sassy girls don't care what people think; Sassy girls just want to have fun!

How to become tougher? Being good children, we learn the basics of behavior in society from our baby teeth - not to be rude to elders, listen to authorities, give in, make compromises.

And also share toys, be more tactful and not offend anyone.

If at two years old a stubborn little one does not want to part with his new car just because Petya also wants to play with it, then by the age of twenty-five everything changes.

Now the grown-up little one is already dejectedly giving his wife his salary, shouldering a pile of other people’s reports, lending money to friends of friends, allowing a distant relative to “roll over” on his sofa. And he only dreams of becoming tougher in character.

Many parents raising disobedient children also often ask the question “How to become tougher?” They feel like they have spoiled their kids too much and want to get on the right path.

But here there is danger:you can confuse toughness and cruelty. And then, instead of a “silk” child, you will get an offended and vindictive one.

Motivate yourself to be tough when it matters. Convince yourself that your inflexibility and your definition of clear boundaries of behavior are important for the child himself. Punishments must be moderate and adequate.

Play the role of a policeman in the house who will speak politely and assign a fine for a crime, and not a tyrant and despot who will deprive all cartoons for a week.

How to determine the line between harshness and cruelty? Catch yourself in the moment when you punish another: how do you feel? Joy, satisfaction? Or do you want to hug a person and calm them down, but don’t give yourself the freedom?

Truly tough people always have good self-control, don’t get hysterical, don’t scream and never get pleasure from their harshness. This is a necessary measure.

The path to toughness

Do you want to become a “tough nut to crack”? Be consistent. Start with the main thing:stop changing your mind and decision to please others.

A child asked you for a toy, you refused, and then he began to manipulate you. Cry, make sad eyes like Puss in Boots, lie on the asphalt... And you gave in - once, twice. And in his eyes you are now not an authority, but someone very soft and obedient, harmless.

The same thing happens in conversations with bosses, colleagues, parents and friends. All people dream of breaking others and make them do it their way. Which side are you on: with those who follow their own path, or with those who fulfill other people's desires?

Remember the rule :

"They said no"?Banned,refused?Now it's your way,don't leave him".

Why get tougher? To be happier. To be able to say “no” to your parents who force you into the mathematics department. To convince your boss that it's not your turn to be on duty on Christmas Day. To firmly inform your spouse that you will spend your salary on a new oven, and not on his car gadgets.

You'll have to . People with obvious low self-esteem often suffer from softness. Those who do not particularly believe in their right to happiness, choice, freedom and resistance.

Rule two:

"Remember,that friendship cannot be earned by pliability and pliability".

Let's remember school. Everyone is cheating from you homework, and for a minute it seems to you that now you are the navel of the Earth, the hero of the day and everyone will want to be friends with you. But the bell rings and they forget about you. And they will remember only when it’s time for the test.

It is important to realize how humiliating a soft person is in today's aggressive society. Weak-willed people are taken advantage of, and the goals of others are always selfish.

You won’t be thanked for rewriting someone else’s coursework, doing a shift for a colleague, or giving someone else’s father-in-law a ride to the airport...

Reliable person – like a free soda machine. No one will even think of giving him money, no one will rush to hug him.

Rule three:

“Define your boundaries of what is possible and what is impossible”.

It’s also not worth being an absolute “beech.” Sometimes friends really need help, parents need advice, children need love and support. When you try to become tougher, you risk getting carried away and starting to refuse everyone indiscriminately.

Therefore, take a piece of paper and carefully write down on it everything that you no longer want to do for other people. For example, “I will never lend money to my wife’s brother”, “I will not lend my notes to Kolya”, “I will not take on five extra working hours for a “thank you”...

In another column, outline possible, pleasant and right things for yourself - helping parents with repairs, homework with children, and the like.

If you are asked a question directly, but it is not on your list, ask for time to think. Weigh, brain, and then with refuse with a clear conscience.

How to identify wrong actions? Usually after them you feel bad, blame yourself for being weak-willed, and don’t feel happy. You are disappointed and realize that you have stepped on the same rake again: you have been used.

After doing the right thing, you are inspired and happy that you were able to be useful.

Since it is impossible to be good to everyone, do not be afraid of not liking someone. The main thing is that you love yourself.