Cheer a person after surgery. The seven stupidest phrases that their loved ones say to patients

Memo for relatives and friends

A serious illness is also fraught with the fact that, having learned his diagnosis, the patient loses faith in the future, assumes that he will no longer be needed and interesting to his loved ones, will become a burden in the family, and will lose his job. Often a serious illness that requires long-term treatment (oncological disease, stroke, heart attack) disrupts the most important plans of a person and his loved ones: it will no longer be possible to go on a planned vacation, repairs must be urgently postponed, there is no one to look after a small child because of time, energy and the funds will now be spent on long-term treatment.

In this situation, the most important thing is to tell your loved one that his value to us is not at all in the material or practical benefits that he brings. The uniqueness of each person’s personality is valuable until the last minute of his life, and even if a person struggles with an illness for several months, we know that he is with us, his soul is alive, and this is the most important thing for us.

If we're talking about about a woman who is having a hard time experiencing her unattractiveness during an illness, remind her that appearance is only a mask, and main meaning relationships are in the human heart. Tell her that you see her as still charming and interesting to you and are sure that she will come out of this test even better than she was, you just need to be patient.

In general, the issue of treating illness as a test is very important. Many experts say that the disease can become a growth point for a person. He thinks about the meaning of life, strives to discard everything that was false and unnecessary, strives to make peace with those whom he inadvertently offended. Thus, illness can become a time of important reflection and decisions in which the person needs to be supported.

Some patients, especially when diagnosed with cancer, tend to become depressed and refuse treatment. Behind such statements there is actually fear, and if you agree with the passive position “they won’t cure me anyway,” then you seem to be telling the patient that you also do not believe in his recovery. Meanwhile, we know hundreds of examples where it is faith in the best that helps people get back on their feet even with the most unfavorable prognosis. Therefore, give the patient an example of faith, patience, emphasize that you yourself are ready to fully support him in this, but he should not “give up,” he must resist the illness.

We often forget that “the ways of the Lord are mysterious.” It is impossible to predict what will happen next, and those doctors who say: “You have so much time left to live” are wrong. Nobody knows this, and there are many such examples when a person was predicted to have 2-3 months of life, but he lives happily for years and years. Perhaps, fortunately, the illness will turn out to be only an episode. But if it becomes protracted and even irreversible while a person is alive, this is still life, including the life of his soul.

You cannot mourn a person during his lifetime, you cannot force him to live as if at his own funeral. As believers, we understand that earthly life is only a step towards eternal life, therefore we must be able to think on the scale of the infinity of the life of the soul.

To make a difficult condition easier to bear, try to occupy the patient with something that has always been interesting to him, something that can captivate and entertain. Many patients admit that even the sight of a simple indoor plant on the windowsill, which blooms, leaf by leaf, captivates them and revives their faith in life. Beautifully illustrated books, music, films - all this supports a person's resistance to darkness and despair. And of course, make sure that the sick person can observe church rituals, participate in the Church Sacraments, consult with the priest about what should be done for this.

Pray for your loved one yourself, think about his health, strengthen your own faith that everything will work out for the better.

Project "Clear Morning"

A woman draws vital energy from nature, a man receives energy from a woman. You can return what you received and, accordingly, establish energy exchange with the help of gifts. There is a pattern: everything given to a woman will be returned to her lover tenfold. But greedy men close the energy flow on themselves, and their business becomes stagnant. And vice versa - generous men achieve a lot: their women easily part with their energy for the sake of their loved one, and it increases his strength and power.

How to support a man?

Men don't like being given advice or sympathy without asking. They want to be trusted. Men need to constantly assert themselves. They get a lot of pleasure from achieving something on their own. A man feels supported when a Woman tells him something like: “I believe in you, that you can handle it on your own. I trust you with this until you openly ask for help.”

Many women believe that the only way to achieve what they want in a relationship with a Man is to criticize him when he is wrong and give advice when he does not ask for it. A woman often has no idea that she can motivate a man to do something, just by asking him about it directly, without criticism or advice. If a Woman doesn't like the way a Man behaves, she should tell him so directly, without judging him or saying that he is wrong or that he is bad.

There are three magic words that can support a Man: “It’s not your fault.” When a Woman shares her sorrows with a Man, she will be very supportive if she says: “I really appreciate that you listen to me. If you think that I’m blaming you, then I’m not - I’m just sharing with you what I feel.”

The fact is that a Man often perceives as an accusation that a Woman innocently tells him about her disappointments - this instantly blocks communication and negatively affects the relationship. It is important to remember that good communication requires the participation of both parties. A man should not forget that complaints are not accusations, and when a Woman complains, she is simply trying to relieve tension by talking about what upsets her. And it is important for a Woman to let a Man know that she appreciates him, despite all her complaints.

Men are very upset when they do not require them to solve a problem, because they need to feel good in every sense. By letting a Man know that he is helping her a lot, simply by listening to her, a Woman opens his eyes to her nature and at the same time gives him a reason for self-affirmation, which is so precious for a Man.

In order to support the Man, A woman should not suppress her feelings or change them. However, it is important for her to learn to express them in such a way that the Man does not feel that he is being attacked, blamed or judged. A small change in the internal emphasis in expressing feelings can give amazing results!

John Gray

WHAT A MAN WANTS FROM A WOMAN

✔I want you to listen to me, but not judge me.
✔ I want you to speak up without giving me advice unless I ask.
✔ I want you to trust me without demanding anything.
✔ I want you to be my support without trying to decide for me.
✔ I want you to take care of me, but not treat me like a mother to her son.
✔ I want you to look at me without trying to achieve something from me.
✔ I want you to hug me, but not strangle me.
✔ I want you to encourage me, but not lie.
✔ I want you to support me in the conversation, but not answer for me.
✔ I want you to be closer, but leave me personal space.
✔ I want you to know about my unattractive traits, accept them and not try to change them.
✔ I want you to know... that you can count on me... Without limits.

Jorge Bucay

PHRASES that can have a striking effect on men:

1. My Beloved (this is IMPORTANT: do not use the word - Dear, this word no longer contains necessary information. On the contrary, this word in relation to a man has a glamorous and mannered connotation);
2. Strong (I think comments are unnecessary here)
3. The most daring (most importantly, to say with a complete lack of irony)
4. You are the best (an awesome phrase, it works for almost all types of men of any age)
5. Sexy (Oh yeah!)
6. Smart (amazing effect - the word is bomb!)
7. Generous (Real men believe that they are like this, however, so do fake Jews)
8. Smart girl, well done (don’t be shy: use these words generously and often, and you will be happy!)
9. Unsurpassed (in a specific matter)
10. Awesome
11. I feel so good with you (it can be after intimacy, it can be just like that, an excellent phrase that never happens enough!);
12. You turn me on (and also “insert” me - and to be honest, this is a treasure for close relationships, a hook phrase);
13. I miss you so much (a good phrase if you are apart);
14. I admire you (no comments!)
15. I love you so much (often, often, constantly tell HIM this phrase, believe me - it works!)
16. You know how to make me laugh (strange, but eternal boys like this crazy phrase, tested it on my own!)
17. Only you understand me (Often, with soulful intonation, the result will be excellent!)
18. You know me inside and out (A wonderful phrase that creates trust, the main thing is not to do the opposite, otherwise it won’t work)
19. You are the only one for me (Let's please their male ego!)
20. I adore your touch (Let them learn, dear and beloved, it will be useful for them where a woman is pleased and where she is not)
21. I’m behind you like behind a stone wall (Once a week is an excellent frequency of use)
22. I breathe you (you can change the ending to “I live”)
23. I can’t imagine what I would do without you (As they (men) dream about this, so more often, with the right intonation and tenderness in their eyes.)
24. I feel so calm next to you (same effect as in the phrase “stone wall”)
25. You are so gallant (subtle compliment)
26. I’m so happy with you (A great phrase used by 90% of the male population)
27. I don’t want you to ever stop loving me (small suggestion)
28. I can’t stop admiring you (Psychologists say that men look in the mirror more often than beautiful ladies, which means it works!)
29. I will love you forever (No need for pathos, it’s better to say “always”)
30. I miss your hugs (Great phrase that works 100% when you're apart)
31. I ask for forgiveness (works 100%, no need to beg him to forgive, say 150 empty words, better say it)
32. You are so insatiable (Men dream of being like this, so let’s tell them THIS!)
33. I feel so lonely without you (Good energy, tell him this often on the phone, in letters, SMS)
34. I can’t wait to see you (Logically, it’s worth a try, most likely he will “eat it”)
35. I miss you so much (on the phone, in a letter - amazing effect)
36. I don't need anything but your love. (Yes, yes, cool wording, here you are hinting that he is needed as he is, without a car, apartment, etc. They appreciate it.)
37. I trust you in everything (Good phrase, it works)
38. I will follow you to the ends of the earth (You can also use “earth”, “planet”)
39. You are my prince on a white horse (or on a Mercedes. Use only in relation to a loved one)
40. Just be with me (yes, these boys still believe in “just”)
41. I am so grateful to you for everything you have done for me (works well, proven phrase, works 100 percent)
42. I want to be with you forever (Oddly enough, despite some pathos, this is a phrase that many men fall for. Try it.)
43. I want to wake up next to you every morning (Chic magnet, go for it, girls!)
44. The thought of being separated from you kills me (sometimes this is possible, if it’s infrequent and to the point!)
45. I have never loved anyone so much! (Don’t say this very often, otherwise the man begins to think, how many of them were there, these same “nobodies”, and why did she put this together, and what if...? Well, in general, you understand!)
46. ​​You know how to be so gentle (great phrase, let them believe it and become more gentle, dorks!)
47. Your kisses drive me crazy (let him try more often)
48. I go crazy when you look at me like that (Let him look more often and more closely, this will only benefit us)
49. When you leave I feel so bad (sometimes, but not very often, it can be used)
50. I couldn’t even dream that I could meet you (yes, a hook phrase)
51. My life became bright when I met you (Effective, worth using)
52. I don’t have enough words to express how much I love you (Phrase-lighter in a relationship, say once a week or a little less often)
53. You are the man of my dreams (Oh yes! The logical conclusion of this worthy list of phrases, frequency - approximately once every 5-7 days, no more often).

There is nothing worse in the world than the time when a person who is dear to us is sick. At this time, I really want to support him, wish him a speedy recovery and always be there. If it is not possible to be present at the patient’s bedside, you can lift his or her mood and convey your experiences with the help of poetry - get well soon. This section contains the most best poems, which combine wishes for a speedy recovery and good health, as well as pleasant words of support and warmth coming from the heart.

The ability to hold a loved one in a difficult situation for him, to always remain close to your loved one, even if you are separated by hospital walls, and to cheer up your loved one - all this can be completely solved with the poems presented in the “Get Well” section on our website. Here you can choose necessary words support, wishes for good health and a speedy recovery for any person, be it a mother, wife, girlfriend, boyfriend or co-worker.

May you be healthy early in the morning
The dawn will bring you.
Let every minute
It will heal you quickly.

Get better anyway
And don’t you dare get sick again!
Let love help you
Overcome all diseases.

I wish you to get better quickly,
Get back on your feet quickly.
I wish you to smile more often,
The disease is frightened by a smile.

Think about the good more often,
The disease is not forever.
We will support you, we will help you,
Then your illness will disappear.

Get well soon
And look at me, don’t get sick,
Strengthen your immunity
And say “no” to the disease!

Eat ginger and drink raspberries
Drink tea and broths too,
Chase away your cold
Get well soon!

It hurts me to watch you get sick
Kitty, get well soon!
Let my love warm you,
Never be sick again!
Let your health get stronger every day,
And the disease will disappear forever.
Get well soon, I beg you
Know how much I love you!

Smile! Don't give in to the disease
Get better, stay strong.
Vitamins and willpower
All ailments are a hundred times stronger.

Cheerfulness is much more useful
And all the potions and tablets.
Defeat diseases as quickly as possible
Let a smile and laughter help.

Don't be sad, everything will pass, of course
Get well soon.
I wish you heartily -
Please don't get sick!

I know it’s so difficult for you right now!
Your illness takes away all your strength.
Everyone sinks below their hands,
The eyes become wet from tears.

Just don't be overly sad,
The stripe will soon turn white.
Be patient just a little longer,
Your eyes will light up again!

In life, you know, anything can happen,
We can cope with any trouble.
Get well soon,
Wave your hand at problems!

Get well soon, please
I'm looking forward to meeting you,
Take a lot of vitamins
And come on, don’t be sick!

Brew hot tea,
And have a raspberry,
A spoonful of honey, or better yet two,
I'm sending you positivity!

Let the light of the sun warm you with its ray,
Let the pain go away and reward you with strength
May your health never weaken
May God protect you from illnesses!

Get well soon, get well soon!
We are with you: family, friends,
Smile at the new day,
For the rest, we will support you.

We will help you get out of bed,
Defeat this evil disease.
It can't be otherwise, believe me,
If people are loved here.

First, understand and accept one thing: even though you have known each other for a long time and you know the person inside out, now this does not mean at all that his behavior will meet your expectations. "There are some general stages experiences of grief. You may well be guided by them, remembering, of course, that each of us still needs individual approach“, explains psychologist Marianna Volkova.

Our experts:

Anna Shishkovskaya
Psychologist at the Gestalt Center Nina Rubshtein

Marianna Volkova
Practicing psychologist, specialist in family and individual psychology

How to support someone if they are in shock

Stage No. 1: usually the person is completely shocked, confused and simply cannot believe the reality of what is happening.

What should I say. If you are really close friends, it is best for you to be close without relying on the phone, Skype or SMS. For some people, tactile contact and the ability to see their interlocutor in person are very important. “At this time, conversations and attempts to express condolences are not necessary,” Marianna Volkova is sure. - None. Therefore, if your friend asks you to stay close and refuses to communicate, do not try to get him to talk. Contrary to your expectations, things will not get easier for him. It’s worth talking about what happened only when your loved one is ready for it. In the meantime, you can hug, sit next to, hold hands, stroke the head, bring tea with lemon. All conversations are strictly on business or on abstract topics.”

What to do. The loss of a loved one, sudden terrible illnesses and other blows of fate require not only reflection, but also a lot of worries. Don’t think that providing this kind of help is easy. It requires a lot of emotional investment and is very exhausting. How to support a person in such a situation? First, ask how you can help. A lot depends on what state your friend is in. You may have to take on organizational issues: calling, finding out, negotiating. Or give the unfortunate person a sedative. Or wait with him in the doctor’s waiting room. But, as a rule, it is enough to at least deal with everyday issues: clean up, wash the dishes, cook food.

How to support a person if he is acutely worried

Stage No. 2: accompanied by acute feelings, resentment, misunderstanding and even aggression.

What to do. It is clear that communication at this moment is difficult. But right now, a friend needs attention and support. Try to come more often, to be in touch if he is left alone. You can invite him to visit for a while. It is important to clearly understand whether you are mentally ready for this.

Words of condolences

“Most people, when expressing condolences, use common phrases that do not carry any meaning. Actually, this is a manifestation of politeness and nothing more. But when it comes to a loved one, something more than formality is needed. Of course, there is no template that fits every situation. But there are things that definitely shouldn’t be said,” says Marianna Volkova.

1. If you don’t know what to say, be silent. It’s better to hug one more time, show that you are nearby and ready to help at any moment.
2. Avoid expressions like “everything will be fine,” “everything will pass,” and “life goes on.” You seem to promise good things, but only in the future, not now. This kind of talk is annoying.
3. Try not to ask unnecessary questions. The only appropriate one in this situation is: “How can I help?” Everything else will wait.
4. Never utter words that could devalue the importance of what happened. “And some people can’t walk at all!” - this is not a consolation, but a mockery for a person who has lost, say, an arm.
5. If your goal is to provide moral support to a friend, first of all you yourself must be stoic. Sobbing, lamenting and talking about the injustice of life is unlikely to calm you down.

How to support someone if they are depressed

Stage No. 3: at this time the person becomes aware of what happened. Expect your friend to be depressed and depressed. But there is good news: he is beginning to understand that he needs to somehow move on.

What should I say. We are all different, so the best thing you can do is ask what exactly close person is waiting from you.

1. Some people need to talk about what happened."There are people who difficult situation It is vital to speak out loud your emotions, fears and experiences. A friend doesn’t need condolences; your job is to listen. You can cry or laugh with him, but you shouldn’t give advice or put in your two cents in every possible way,” advises Marianna Volkova.
2. Some people need a distraction to cope with grief. You are required to talk about extraneous topics, to involve a person in resolving some issues. Invent urgent things that require full concentration and constant employment. Do everything so that your friend has no time to think about what he is trying to escape from.
3. There are people who are in difficult life situations They prefer loneliness - this makes it easier for them to cope with their emotions. If a friend tells you that they don't want any contact yet, the worst thing you can do is try to get under their skin with the best of intentions. Simply put, to forcefully “do good.” Leave the person alone, but be sure to make it clear that you are nearby and ready to provide all possible help at any time.

What to do.

1. In the first case, help of a domestic nature is often required, especially if your loved one is not one of those who easily negotiate, communicate and can easily choose the best of several proposed options.
2. You must help your friend move a little away from what happened. If you are connected by work issues, you can carry out distracting maneuvers in this direction. A good option is playing sports. The main thing is not to torture yourself and his grueling workouts, but choose what you like. You can go to the pool, court or yoga together. The goal is to try to have fun.
3. In the third case, you only need what is asked of you. Don't insist on anything. Invite them to “go out and unwind” (what if they agree?), but always leave the choice up to the person and don’t be intrusive.

How to support someone when they have already experienced grief

Stage No. 4: This is a period of adaptation. One might say – rehabilitation.

What should I say. It is at this time that a person re-establishes contacts, communication with others gradually takes on its usual form. Now a friend may need parties, travel and other attributes of life without mourning.

What to do. “If your friend is quite ready to communicate, there is no need to try to somehow behave “correctly” in his company. You should not try to forcefully cheer up, shake and bring to your senses. At the same time, you cannot avoid direct glances or sit with a sour face. The more familiar you establish the atmosphere, the easier it will be for a person,” Marianna Volkova is sure.

Visit to a psychologist

No matter what stage a person is in, friends sometimes try to provide help that is not needed. For example, forcefully send you to a psychologist. Here you will have to be especially careful, because sometimes it is necessary, and sometimes it is completely unnecessary.

“Experiencing trouble, sadness is a natural process that, as a rule, does not need professional help,” says psychologist Anna Shishkovskaya. – There is even a term “grief work”, the healing effect of which is possible provided that a person allows himself to go through all stages. However, this is precisely what becomes a problem for many: allowing oneself to feel, to face experiences. If we try to “run away” from strong, unpleasant emotions, to ignore them, the “work of grief” is disrupted, and “stuck” may occur at any stage. That’s when the help of a psychologist is really needed.”

Cons of support

The tragedy they experience sometimes gives people a reason to manipulate others. We are, of course, not talking about the first, most difficult period. But you may be required to be present continuously for a long time. Your personal life, work, desires will not be taken into account. Let's say you invited a friend to stay with you for a while - a fairly common practice. But all the agreed upon dates have long passed, and the person continues to visit. You are silent, because it is impolite to talk about inconveniences, but the natural result will be a damaged relationship.

The financial issue is no less important. Happens, time is running, everything that was needed has been done, and the need for investment never goes away. And you, by inertia, continue to give money, afraid to refuse. " I noticed that you are starting to sacrifice yourself and your interests, which means there is a reason to talk and clarify the situation,” recalls Anna Shishkovskaya. – Otherwise, accumulated resentment and indignation will one day provoke a serious conflict with mutual claims. It would be good not to lead to a scandal, but to define the boundaries in time.”

Personal dramas are just one of those very troubles that friends find themselves in. And your behavior during this period will certainly affect your relationship in one way or another. Therefore, you should rush to help only if you sincerely want it.

Anna Ushakova

Oncopsychologist, “Clear Morning” service for cancer patients.

How to support someone who has just been diagnosed?

At the moment when a person is diagnosed, the support and presence of a loved one nearby is important, so the first thing to do is to listen. But you need to listen sincerely, and not formally. The main message: “I hear you, I understand that you are scared, I will help.” Perhaps you just need to sit next to him, hug him, cry together, if this is appropriate - that is, share the excitement, let him speak out and not deny the person’s feelings.

It is very important not to overwhelm you with advice: “I looked on the Internet,” “my friends told me,” “I need to urgently go to Germany,” and so on. This can be very annoying, so advice should be at the request of the person himself. The maximum that can be done in this sense is to offer to read something with the wording “if you are interested.”

A person should feel that he has support, that they are not moving away from him, that they are not afraid of getting infected through dishes, towels, clothes

When a person first learns about the diagnosis, he has a lot of things to deal with urgently: find a doctor, medications, a place where he might have surgery. He may be depressed, and then he may need help just to go buy food. But you need to ask about this so as not to do a disservice and not to impose.

As for information, it should be taken only from trusted sources. There are many different sites, tricks and lures from people who are incompetent in this. For example, healing, homeopathy and so on.

How to talk correctly with a person who has cancer?

Each family has its own rules of communication, so a lot depends on the situation. I think that you need to start the conversation with yourself, talking about your feelings: “I feel that it’s hard for you. Can I help?" You should also try to maintain the same relationships that you had before the illness. A person should feel that he has support, that they are not moving away from him, that they are not afraid of getting infected through dishes, towels, or clothes.

How to cope with the illness of a loved one yourself?

Almost every person whose relative has cancer is very worried. Often he experiences even more than the patient himself, because he is in some kind of vacuum.

You need to immediately look at the resources of your loved ones: if you have someone to talk to, share the burden, that’s very good. We tell our relatives that on the plane they ask you to put a mask on yourself first, and then on the person sitting next to you. If a relative who is caring for a sick person is himself exhausted, on the verge of a nervous breakdown, then he will not be able to provide any quality assistance to the sick person. In general, you need to allow yourself to rest a little, be distracted, and share your feelings with another person.

Perhaps by refusing treatment a person wants to check how important he is to his relatives, whether they are afraid of losing him

Next, psychological support is important. We encourage you to call the support line and talk to a psychologist, because the conversation itself is therapeutic. A person shares his pain, dumps his emotions - like in a container. Also, a relative of a cancer patient can tell the psychologist about what is really forbidden - for example, he is angry with his mother because she is sick and dying, and this irritates him. The family will misunderstand this, but the psychologist gives a non-judgmental perception of the situation and complete acceptance of the person who needs support and support. The psychologist can also give practical recommendations to reduce the level of anxiety and fear.

What to do if a person with cancer refuses treatment?

Such cases occur quite often - a lot depends on the person’s psychotype and the support they receive. If this happens, we advise relatives to tearfully beg the patient to continue treatment for their sake, and also to show how much they love him, how they want to see him next to them and fight together.

Some patients give up because they understand that treatment is a long journey and there will be a lot of things along the way. Perhaps by refusing treatment a person wants to check how important he is to his relatives, whether they are afraid of losing him. In this case, you need to turn to all your spiritual qualities and show the person’s value to himself.

Behind the words “I’m going to die soon” there are always some other words that the person would like to tell you

We also need to figure out what is behind this - perhaps these are myths and fears. As a rule, patients have the sad experience of the death of loved ones under similar circumstances, and this should be carefully discussed and information aimed at reducing these fears should be conveyed. Here, it is important to consult a psychologist who will help you look at the situation from different angles and work with those fears that prevent you from gaining confidence in your abilities and in treatment.

But still, a person’s life is in his hands, and the choice always remains his. We can ask and plead for a long time, but if a person has made such a decision, we must sincerely listen to him and try to understand. In this case, you will have to leave some responsibility on the patient himself.

How to talk about death?

The topic of death is very often taboo. This is a subtle, intimate moment. Nowhere are they taught to talk about death, and much depends on how it was lived in the family when older relatives died.

Behind the words “I’m going to die soon” there are always some other words that the person would like to tell you. Maybe he wants to ask for something - for example, help him complete something unfinished. It is very important to listen to the person and understand what he really wants to convey. Perhaps he dreams of just going to the sea and watching seagulls fly. So do it! Have a dialogue and don't close yourself off. It is very important.