Psychological center at the temple on Semenovskaya. Orthodox psychologist and his clients

How can you help someone who has experienced the death of a loved one? How to cope with pain and despair during illness? How to save a person from suicide? What is true love? Do churches need psychologists?

Conversation with the head of the Center for Crisis Psychology at the Church of the Resurrection of Christ on Semenovskaya Mikhail Khasminsky.

An unusual combination - the Center for Crisis Psychology at the temple. Perhaps this is even the only such center at the temple of the Russian Orthodox Church?

No, not the only one, now in Moscow there are two more such centers, however, they are somewhat different from us. Our Center was the first: in 2006, His Holiness Patriarch Alexy II blessed its creation. The two subsequent centers were already established by His Holiness Patriarch Kirill and are mainly engaged in helping in family crises. Such a phenomenon is no longer a rarity, I often travel to different regions, dioceses and see that such communities also gather there. Quite recently, Metropolitan Tikhon of Novosibirsk and Berdsk created a community of Orthodox psychologists, and a Crisis Center is also being created under him. Thus, this phenomenon can already be called a certain vector or trend.

- How can you, psychologists, be useful to priests?

In this case, the task is to be useful, first of all, not to the priests, but to the parishioners. Psychologists do a lot of serious social work, helping people. In fact, this is part of spiritual care, but not spiritual, but psychological. People often find themselves in difficult situations, serious crises, and a priest cannot deal specifically with the psychological component of these crises, if only because no one taught him exactly this. Of course, practice can be obtained through the ministry itself, but some specially trained people are also needed who could help a person who is contemplating, for example, suicide. I assure you that such people go to temples and seek help there. And very few clergy are able to help them, I emphasize the word “church” here, because these are not only clergy. Unfortunately, very often a person in crisis turns to “the shop” and meets people there who are completely unprepared to provide such assistance. This can be compared to the situation when a person comes to the clinic to see a doctor, goes to take clothes to the cloakroom, and there the cloakroom attendant says to him: “Don’t go to the doctor, I myself will tell you now what and how to do.” And when we ask people why they listened to them, they answer that everything is sacred in the church! Such a deep trust in the Church leads to the fact that even a grandmother in a church shop is endowed with some sacred properties, but, to be honest, this is not always justified. Therefore, there must be people who can provide really effective help, and not just as psychologists, but at the same time as missionaries, and, of course, the approach must be from an Orthodox point of view.

- Please tell us how you came to this work.

The center was created with the blessing of His Holiness Patriarch Alexy II, the initiator was the rector of our metochion, Archimandrite Augustine, and was actively supported in this undertaking by the current Metropolitan of Murom. I came from an oncology center, where I worked for several years, specifically helping cancer patients. Here there were practically no conditions for work, it was very difficult - there were almost no offices, there was nothing. However, the school there was excellent, especially since I combined this work with volunteering in a hospice for children. There it immediately became clear that psychological theories are often divorced from life. With the help of theory, you can get Ph.D. degrees, write abstracts for conferences and, thus raising your status, move on. But in practice it is impossible to help patients with theses. My colleagues and I found some methods and used them, but in the end, all the methods rested on the worldview of a person, on how a person perceived the disease, how he experienced it. His somatic status directly depended on his spiritual state.
It was then that I myself began to come closer to Orthodoxy. It so happened that up to that moment I “understood everything” and respected, but I was quite far from this and unchurched. And then I realized that in this case it is simply necessary. My churching began, deeper work in this direction, I began to understand some relationships that were not obvious to me before. It worked out so well that it was at that moment that a request arose, and I became the head of the Center for Crisis Psychology, since then our group of psychologists has been working for 8 years.
Our science is new, but there have always been crises, respectively, and there have always been solutions to crises. It should be noted that people have always lost loved ones, experienced illness, and with every war there was violence. Yet 200 years ago there were no psychologists, no psychiatrists, and no antidepressants. So if we talk about the complete indispensability of the science of psychology, then, probably, we can argue about this. In the past, people lived more harmoniously than now - in our time, according to some estimates, in very successful Western countries, about 40% of the adult population constantly use antidepressants. Even if not 40%, but 20% of the population, this is still a colossal figure, and this fact makes us think.
On the other hand, I cannot say that our science was completely unnecessary and useless. Crisis psychology is developing. What is a crisis in terms of psychology? This is when a mentally normal person gets into abnormal circumstances for himself. For example, the death of loved ones is a very sharp departure from the worldview to which a person is accustomed. The same applies to experienced violence and severe illness. Suicidal thoughts, strictly speaking, are more related to suicidology, but nevertheless they also often accompany crises.
In principle, it can be considered a crisis, oddly enough, and marriage is also a very sharp turn in life, when the old behavioral norms can no longer work, and new ones have not yet been formed. The same applies to the psychology of refugees, this topic, unfortunately, is now relevant, and we also work with it and hold various events, including educational ones.
Despite the fact that this is taught in various educational institutions, it must be said that, judging by the textbook on crisis psychology, it will be basically one theory: how it looks, what are the gradations of states, relationships, and so on. However, practically nothing is said about how to really help people in such conditions. For example, a person has died - secular psychology cannot work here in any way. It is possible to relieve tension symptomatically, but it is fundamental to help a person: it is impossible to understand where his loved one has gone and what to do now. In any case, frustration appears - the inability to achieve some result. That is why almost no one helps people in grief.
If you look at it as a whole, a huge number of psychologists help with neuroses, change behavior, and are engaged in career guidance. What do you do when grief comes? Of course, there are specialists who declare that they can help in grief, but I have not yet seen a psychologist working in a secular manner who could effectively help in case of severe grief of a person, and we have such a potential. Naturally, the point is not in our super-knowledge, but in the foundation on which we are based. If we also introduce a missionary element in a certain way, help a person to integrate into the Orthodox dogma, then he receives a colossal resource, and he receives it from God himself, which determines the efficiency with which we work.
All this does not mean that we force everyone to be baptized, receive communion, and so on. Each person makes his own decision. Often I have to say: “You know, you are in despair, thinking about very bad things. You're grieving so much, and a way is offered to you. In fact, this is a helping hand, why are you pushing it away? Actually, what are you risking if you grab onto it? I can roughly tell you where you need to grab hold, and you yourself grab hold of it. If it helps you, you'll know it works." Very many, according to sober reasoning, perceive the situation in this way and follow this path.

- Who can apply to your Center, what problems do people most often address?

Any person who is in a crisis situation can apply to our Center. And the problem must be really serious. The fact is that we do not have the opportunity to deal with people who are, for example, in a state of chronic neurosis, not associated with a crisis. We defined our specialization as follows: helping people grieving, grieving - in case of loss of a loved one, in case of difficult divorces; psychological assistance to people with serious illnesses, refugees, people who have experienced violence. We are ready to work on the entire spectrum of crisis conditions, we try not to take mild cases.

- Tell us a little about the staff of the Center.

We have five psychologists, all Orthodox people, leading a church life. Of the most famous names, I will name the wonderful psychologist Lyudmila Fedorovna Ermakova, whom many people know. Of course, we keep in touch with specialists from other centers, we all know each other more or less.

- Are your services free?

Yes, everything is completely free with us, anyone can come, if you wish, you can leave donations, no one forbids this. But our services are unconditionally free from the very beginning of the existence of the Center.

It is no secret that it is impossible to overcome grief at once. In your experience, how long do you lead a person who comes to you?

We have everything designed for a fairly quick effect. Personally, I usually have two, maximum three consultations. It is in psychoanalysis that the patient is treated for three or four years, but during this time any crisis will pass by itself. Our specificity is that you need to help effectively and precisely quickly. And here it is important to understand clearly, at the first consultation, what the problem is. The task is not to turn grief itself into joy. It is necessary to direct black sorrow, which for some reason “wrongly” went in a different direction, so that it eventually ends in bright sadness about a dead person. It is necessary to find in what misfortune flows. If the process proceeds correctly, in accordance with the stages that are conditioned for mourning, then one should not even interfere. If the process goes wrong, then you need to point it out, explain it, give some materials. We often encourage people to work independently, because no psychologist can do everything for a person, in any case, the inner work of the patient himself is important.

You and your colleagues are still "piece copies". All over the country, people need such specialists, but often they simply cannot be found. As far as I know, you travel a lot around the regions and give many training seminars, including for priests. What is the purpose of these classes, and can priests provide psychological assistance after that?

With the blessing of the ruling bishops in many regions, I have already conducted seminars on the analysis of the mistakes of pastoral counseling and certain resources that, in modern conditions, pastors could use much more effectively. What are the main topics we are discussing? Let's take guilt as an example. Sometimes a shepherd, without understanding, can impose an excessive feeling of guilt on a person. All people and all make mistakes. This does not mean that all priests make mistakes, it just happens that a very small percentage of cases, but serious ones, are enough. You can give this analogy: it is enough for a good surgeon to make a mistake 10 times out of 1000 cases, but these will be serious mistakes. So the best thing to do here is prevention.
In addition, we talk about what tools and psychological knowledge can be used. There is an opinion that priests should know different theories, for example, personality theories and so on. And, in fact, why? We offer priests precisely practical materials that they can easily understand without special psychological education and then use in practice. We present all this in a clear and convenient way. As far as I know, all the participants in the seminars and the ruling bishops are very pleased with them.

We are on television, so I can't help but ask what role does television play in terms of a person's psychological state?

Television is a tool. It's like asking what role an ax plays in a person's life? An ax can do very good and very bad things, depending on whose hands it is in. For a person, it is very important to form the environment in which he lives, and first of all, information. We are all people, and in psychology it is absolutely established that we are imitative, social beings. If we see that there is only one sin around, then it is easier to cross the line. And sin pours from television screens a lot and often. Although it should be noted that now there has been some kind of turning point, programs that are important and interesting from the point of view of moral content have begun to appear. I'm not even talking about the Soyuz TV channel, which has long been known as the mouthpiece of morality and responsibility. I see things starting to change in some places. In general, I and all our specialists often visit television, on central and non-central channels, so to some extent we also take an active part in this process.

How to protect yourself from the bad influence of central TV channels, if it is present? Not to watch at all or to watch selectively?

I think there is no single recipe - everything is determined by the spiritual and moral core. If it is, a person can protect himself from dirt, he is able to distinguish this dirt. A broad outlook is also important. If the vision is narrowed, then the person will bury himself in the “box”, and will think that the whole world is exactly the way it is shown. When the horizon is wider, a person has more room for maneuver in order not to succumb to such temptation.

Transcription: Tatyana Bashilova

The oldest Center for Crisis Psychology, created with the blessing of Patriarch Alexy II 10 years ago, is located next to the Semenovskaya metro station, at the Church of the Resurrection of Christ. Highly professional Orthodox psychologists serve here, who have already helped thousands of people overcome such terrible, but, alas, typical phenomena of our time, such as divorces, separations, family crises and troubles. People come here in grief of losing loved ones, and when they learn about their own serious illness. People experience shock from physical or psychological violence, experience mental suffering associated with participation in hostilities, natural disasters, catastrophes, acts of terrorism, forced migration, hazing in the army, crimes against the person, experiencing post-traumatic stress disorders, etc. Here they help adults and children, members of any religious denominations, unbelievers, doubters and atheists. The main payment, remuneration for the assistance provided by the center’s employees, is, according to the permanent head of the center M.I. Khasminsky, the joy that, with the help of Christ, you can see how a person overcomes hell inside himself, how his eyes become clearer, how a long-awaited sincere smile appears. We are talking with Mikhail Igorevich, editor-in-chief of the Russian Orthodox Psychology online journal, chief expert of the Survive! website group, member of the Russian Association of Oncopsychologists, compiler of a series of books for grief-stricken people, author of publications and interviews, and co-author of popular books on crisis psychology , many of which were translated and published in Serbian, English, Romanian, Chinese, Ukrainian, German, leading seminars and trainings on practical crisis and Orthodox psychology - about the rules of work of the center he leads, about the reasons why thousands of people come here, about male boys who cannot grow up, about the meaning of an honest and kind smile for a Christian, about the fact that being afraid of one’s opinion is by no means always a sign of Christian humility, and about many other things.

M.I. Khasminsky immediately said: “The provision of assistance in our center has nothing to do with the amount of donation (or its complete absence). If you have a difficult financial situation, then in no case should this stop you from receiving psychological help. The employees of the center first of all perceive their work as serving God, and not making money.”

When help is help

– Mikhail Igorevich, after ten years of work at the Center for Crisis Psychology, you probably feel like a squeezed lemon? So much horror falls on you and the specialists of the center every day! What keeps you going no matter what?

- Probably, first of all, these are the results of assistance. After all, to see that it has become easier for a person, that he has moved away from the edge, that he began to live, despite the most difficult crisis, you see, it is pleasant. In addition, for example, thanks to the work of the center, we even have several married couples. Once a young man, being in despair, being already close to suicide, went to our website Pobedish.ru. I read stories there, talked to other people, and then came for a consultation at our center. He came several times, met a girl who also had serious problems in her life. And in the end we got a wonderful couple, a family where everyone supports and loves each other, the baby is growing. Another girl came when her mother was dying. The prognosis was the most disappointing. I understood perfectly well that such a pure, smart, bright girl, who had no one except her dying mother, after her death would be extremely hard alone. And he introduced her to one of the activists of our anti-suicidal website Pobedish.ru. Once again, a wonderful union. I offhand named these couples, but there are others - they have become such “unrecorded” results of the work of the center.

“A very good side effect.”

– But we do not build our main ministry on this, of course. We still do not have a dating agency, although in principle even Orthodox dating clubs cannot boast of such results sometimes.

The roots of many problems are in infantilism

– Speaking of Orthodox dating clubs. What is your attitude towards them?

– It is clear that Orthodox Christians need to get acquainted somewhere, and such places should exist, but it seems to me that the mere fact of acquaintance is still not enough. It is better for the Orthodox to get acquainted with the Orthodox, in order to create Orthodox families, so such clubs are needed.

But it must be taken into account that often people come to them who in life experience great difficulties in communicating, in building communications with the outside world and people suffering from neuroses; there are also those who come to assert themselves, being in some kind of delusion, and even pride: “I am a special Orthodox, run around me, serve something special, something that corresponds to my special status.” Not all of them are ready to sacrifice for the sake of honest, serious relationships, but they are always ready to use what falls into their hands by itself. In addition, for example, if a person comes with psychological problems hoping to resolve them in such a society, but declaring that he wants to start a family, then most likely the problem will not go away, and may even intensify, like his own exaltation. That is, when in dating clubs it is not so much about getting to know each other as about trying to solve their own psychological problems, then this is not true.

- They are somehow interconnected - psychological problems and pride?

– Not always, but very often the psychological state is determined by the spiritual one. And this is not surprising, because the root cause is sin. At the very least, the sin committed is a common cause of mental disorder. Sin, after all, gives rise to pride, passions, experiences, which then manifest themselves in such psychological states.

- That is, there is often a relationship, but sometimes it is not visible at all? Sometimes it is very thin, and in some cases it is really missing?

- It cannot be said that only the spiritual state affects mental health. The mood of a person, his goals and objectives, maturity, responsibility, and sometimes his past experience, especially the ability to overcome some difficulties, to yield, also influences. Because, returning to the dating club, if a man is infantile, afraid of responsibility, then in general, what is the point for him to go to such clubs? He is still afraid of responsibility. He is not ready to responsibly start a family. Well, I met. They've known each other for years. They get to know everyone until they get to know everyone. It's not about dating at all, but about the fact that the man is infantile. He is still like a child.

- And now there are many such infantile uncles?

“Now there are a lot of them. What do you want? For a man to be responsible, he must learn to bear this responsibility from childhood. And if he is brought up, for example, in an incomplete family by one mother? If he does not see how an authoritative father should behave? Moreover, if everyone around him is jumping, pleasing him, shaking over him ... The people around him do not insist on the fulfillment of certain rules, commandments, and life according to them. In the family - the same as in the army: what could a spoiled draftee learn if, for example, he joins the army, and “grandfathers”, officers, ensigns with generals start jumping around him? Agree, he will not learn anything. The situation is absurd. But, unfortunately, it is repeated in many of our families.

Egocentrism looks exactly like this and brings up just such boys that neither the army nor the family can be proud of. Let's take a typical, blatant, in my opinion, everyday example: a bus in any city in central Russia. Who usually sits on the seats, and who stands next to them? That's right: children and men are sitting, and grandparents are standing. Children are not instilled with respect for age, adult men are allowed to feel small, weak and defenseless. This is very much and leads to family problems.

Infantilism is also very harmful in the Church: such a person goes to the Church not for the sake of searching for God, but to be controlled

In addition, this infantilism of a person greatly harms him in the Church. After all, it turns out that he goes to the Church not for the sake of searching for the meaning of life and God, but for the sake of being controlled, removing responsibility from him, because he himself has not learned to bear it. Can't take responsibility for his life. So he goes after every sneeze "to bless the priest." His father turns out to be in the role of a father, solves all the problems for him, and in the end this often leads to bad consequences.

– Is such a role not harmful for the priest himself?

Almost always harmful. But sometimes the priest cannot refuse this role, he is involved in it. This is because sometimes he cannot say: “You know, your question does not apply to spiritual life, so you decide for yourself.” If a priest has already been approached with a question, then he thinks that he must somehow help, participate. If you are approached with a question on the street, do you consider it your duty to somehow answer? And in the temple, too, the question is often asked in such a way that the priest is forced to answer. But not every priest can understand the psychological characteristics of a person, understand why this person has such a request, why, let's say, he comes at all. That is, it is such a complex, subtle issue - to separate the spiritual from the mental, the psychological from the mental. But this is a topic for a separate, complex and long discussion.

In our center, we do not provide spiritual support to people. We can only help solve a psychological problem and refer to an experienced priest who will help solve the problem of a spiritual nature, but only together with the sufferer himself, if he wishes. It's like in a hospital: a neuropathologist cannot take on the duties of a surgeon, and a surgeon cannot take on the functions of an endocrinologist. They all work together and in severe cases hold a consultation. This is the most successful form of joint activity for the benefit of the patient. And the same is happening with us.

– But treatment often implies that the patient himself must not only realize his illness, but also work on its healing.

- Of course, this is true, because if a person does not want anything, if he just wants to come and find free ears, a free "vest", just complain so that he is heard, then there is little use. I always give consultations, which include some tasks. By the way a person solves them, it is clear that he, in fact, wants. If he wants some changes, he will work on the tasks, and you can already discuss with him what he is doing wrong, maybe something does not work out, but in any case, there is already something to discuss. And if he comes: “Oh, no, no, I’ll sit on the sidelines,” then all our “jumps” and “dances” will not help. In such cases, our communication does not go beyond one consultation. I don’t see the point in further work if a person doesn’t try, but just passively looks: here I am, and here are my problems, and I’ll see from the outside how you will solve them for me.

The best helper is the one who has experienced the same pain himself.

- Mikhail Igorevich, please explain how it turns out that people who feel bad, who seek help, who demand it, suddenly converge and get a good family. They help each other even when they are in difficult situations.

– Here is a direct parallel with the words of the Apostle Paul: “Having been tempted, I am able to help those who are tempted” (Heb. 2:18).

In serious crises, you can’t help formally, you can’t hide behind a diploma or a textbook

- I remember such a case: at one of the temples, a semblance of a crisis help center for addicts was opened, and a completely inexperienced young man conducted the reception. All this went on for two months, maybe three. In the end, he simply could not stand it, he ran away. The center has closed.

“After all, many experiences and sufferings, such as the death of a loved one, suicide, addiction, really rest on the spiritual state of those experiencing it, and it is necessary to give certain knowledge very unobtrusively, tactfully, technologically so that these people can get out of trouble. As far as addiction is concerned, we in our center do not deal with it in principle. The fact is that helping addicts is a rather specific area. And you can not be competent in everything. One must be able to choose a certain area for oneself and not try to embrace everything, because, as Kozma Prutkov said, “one cannot embrace the immensity.” We are not striving for this. We deal with crises.

And a person who deals with people with addictions in the temple must be very professionally competent, he must have the support of his colleagues, live a spiritual life. In the end, he must also understand what burnout is and be able to cope with it.

Professional burnout can be experienced by all people in the so-called "helping professions". They deal with it differently. And if a person didn’t think about it, didn’t understand it, then you look, and a lone rescuer was crushed by burnout, problems were crushed, demons were crushed.

On the "benefits" of consolation, humility and initiative

- Mikhail Igorevich, in one of your articles you stated: "Consolation is not always useful." How to understand it? It seems to be surprising to hear such harsh words from a psychologist, a Christian. Clarify please.

- When people are comforted, the result is different. Someone is comforted, and then overcomes difficulties, gets out of them. You can compare this situation with a disease that a person, with the support of doctors, tries to overcome, and he recovers, is discharged healthy. This is wonderful. But there is another option, when the patient likes attention to himself so much that even the desire to recover disappears. These are the so-called and often unconscious secondary benefits. A person can, instead of getting out of the disease, seek more and more attention, encouragement, relationships that he receives due to his diseased condition. Then it is very difficult for him to get out of this situation. He is already so stuck in these benefits that he does not need a decision, he no longer wants to change anything in life in order to continue to receive his various benefits, which he does not want to give up at all.

- That is, here: “Hello, I am professionally poor. Sorry gentlemen?

– Yes, you can say that. Professionally poor, professionally unhappy, offended in his best feelings. By the way, this is very typical for infantile people. You can decide nothing, let people decide for you, and you are a sufferer, go with the flow and get your secondary benefits.

But maybe it's just humility?

– I’ll make a reservation right away that I won’t talk about monastic obedience – a truly Christian phenomenon and virtue – this is completely different, here I can’t even comment, since the monastic world is mysterious, special, and I don’t dare to judge it.

But if we talk about worldly passivity, then any inertia, laziness can be called "humility." Here a person does not go to do business, is afraid of difficulties, does not want to take responsibility, does not want to prove his point of view, is afraid to offer, afraid to defend - is this really humility? The apostles, the greatest fathers of the Church, were not afraid of anything and were enterprising, being deeply humble. They walked, they preached, they wrote, they helped, they were compassionate, they were in action! They had an idea and they had a ministry. As well as the sacrificial desire to sincerely carry what they had in abundance. His Holiness Patriarch Kirill constantly calls us to responsibility and initiative. See how much has been created, how much is being done! And without initiative, everything will turn into a swamp. Infantile, indecisive and cowardly is not capable of business.

As I understand it, humility is a sober vision of oneself, dispassion, peace in the soul, a desire to reveal the will of God about oneself. Is it possible to understand it with thoughts: “I don’t decide anything”, “As they bless me, it will be so”? A person gives up the initiative, deprives himself of the initiative, fearing even a hint of the existence of his point of view. This, according to spiritually experienced people, the holy fathers, is “humility”, the opposite of virtue. After all, God called every person from non-existence to existence, created him as a unique personality, endowed him with an eternal soul so that it would grow. And it is clear that a person in this should also have the desire to serve God, take the initiative, otherwise why does he need a person? In my opinion, it is scary when, out of laziness and fear, they hide behind such “humility”, which goes against conscience. Well, in the world this often, in my opinion, very often takes the form of simply disguised infantilism and unwillingness to think independently, defend one's values, take initiative, and take responsibility for one's life.

Now the initiative is very necessary. If there is an initiative, we will break through

For a strong homeland and an influential Orthodox Church to exist, there must be people with a creative, active soul who are willing and able to bear their burden, their cross, who are reasonable, cautious, know how and what to do, who are ready to defend the interests of the Fatherland and faith, then is to serve, and not just to work from "here to now", formally and exclusively according to instructions and "blessings". A healthy initiative is required from a person. Now we need an initiative in the state area, and absolutely in any. If there is an initiative, we will break through. Clever, of course, the initiative. Strategic thinking. Not "the main thing is that everything is fine in my yard, and then it's none of my business - decide for yourself." With all the desire, your yard cannot be made a closed space. The world must be considered as a whole. Even if you make everything beautiful and wonderful in your yard, flowers are everywhere, then some hooligans from a neighboring yard can trample them. Service is a sacrificial state when you give everything that is given to you, while remembering the reasoning, and then the Lord gives you even more.

– What is this initiative? Specifically, yours?

“We are working hard on suicide prevention. In all groups and commissions on this issue, the governments of all, probably, the regions have been holding seminars; I conduct seminars in dioceses on the psychological aspects of counseling; I am a member of the Public Councils of two power structures, where I also try to promote useful and necessary practical initiatives. Together with our colleagues, we support and develop the Perezhit.ru group of sites, where about 60,000 people visit every day. Yes, and there is much more, even the usual educational activities. I have no problems with initiatives and plans, but there are always difficulties with time.

Once again about love

If a person does not understand that love is sacrifice, he will certainly have problems in the family

- In my opinion, now it is necessary to engage in more educational programs, moreover, so that they are in a language understandable to modern people. After all, many simply do not know elementary things! For example, in student audiences, asking the question “What is love?” You almost never hear the right answer. Some kind of lowing begins: “This is such a feeling ...” And if tomorrow I have the same feeling for my neighbor? Will it be love? - Everyone laughs, seeing the inconsistency, but not realizing that love is not a feeling, but a sacrifice. But, unfortunately, it has passed away. And if this is not the case, if people have not realized this yet at school, they will inevitably face difficulties in the family in later life, because they do not understand the meaning of creating a family, nor that they should be sacrificial, nor the saving meaning of the word “sacrifice”. ". This means that conflicts will begin, and they, in turn, can lead to divorces in our time of simply unbridled pride. Divorces will lead to the fact that children will be brought up in single-parent families, which will lead to difficulties in creating happy families in the next generation. All this is deteriorating in progression, because there is no main thing, there is no foundation - the spiritual and moral foundation.

- And it turns out that we punish ourselves to the seventh knee?

- I was told that from five-ruble coins, if you put them one on top of the other on a flat surface, you can build "turrets" several meters high. And if the surface is uneven, then you yourself understand what happens. Here we have the same thing. If you put your life on an uneven foundation or if it is absent at all, then everything falls down, collapses. It is important to conduct educational work - not everyone will reach, but at least some will understand that there must be a foundation.

Life is cut short or mutilated because they do not understand its meaning.

- Now almost daily talk about new suicides. What caused this "epidemic" in our society?

- The reasons, if we do not touch on people with mental pathologies, affective states, are in a lack of understanding of the meaning of life, in the complete absence of moral standards, spiritual and moral understanding of the situation, etc. We encounter this very often in our center.

– Do the Orthodox, who have decided to take their own lives, also turn to you?!

- Orthodox - never! But here we must make a reservation: a truly Orthodox person is one who truly believes, lives by Christ. Because you can go to church, but at the same time not be Orthodox at all. No, by the way, Muslims are the same, suicidal. Quite often, Muslims come to us with the problem of experiencing the death of a loved one. With other problems, not suicidal, people of other confessions and faiths come. Once I even had a rabbi for a consultation.

And divorces for those who live the Christian life are much less, and they have much more children. Destructive behavior, again, is much less. Although the Orthodox also swear, no one is perfect, but they still swear to a much lesser extent.

When there is an understanding of why, for whom you live, what the highest goal you have, a person is much more responsible for his life and for other people. Conflicts are perceived in a completely different way: as a reason for overcoming, and not for despair.

- There were. And a lot. How many in ten years, no one, of course, counted, but only in my memory there are hundreds of such stories. Literally last week, a couple came after several consultations - wonderful spouses - with the words: “Mikhail Igorevich, congratulations on your birthday and we want to thank you: we figured it out and realized that our problems are from the fact that we stopped trusting each other. Now we want to have another child: we think this will help the recovery of our relationship.”

- Is there a utilitarian attitude towards children here?

- Not here. But these spouses did not trust each other. The husband believed that the wife was not doing something, the wife - that the husband did not want a child. And this mutual distrust alienated them. It took several consultations to somehow bring them closer to each other and save the family.

To keep distance

– How do you withstand such a terrible load? After all, even listening to stories about all these blows and problems is already painful.

– In the same way as any professional traumatologist withstands it. If a person experiences acute pain, then for a specialist it should not be a personal pain, but the ability, opportunities, and most importantly, the desire to professionally help. A professional must be at a sufficiently safe distance, but at the same time one that allows him to help his neighbor.

Distance is needed to avoid burnout. It is not necessary to be both a doctor and a patient, and a "vest", and a friend of the patient in one person. You still need to understand that your role as a helper may be limited at some point: you are a rescuer, but you are not a Savior in order to resolve all issues once and for all.

- As far as I know, for some time the writer Yulia Voznesenskaya worked on the forums of the perejit.ru group of sites ...

- Yulia Nikolaevna Voznesenskaya is a wonderful writer, she was a moderator of several forums. Our "grandmother Julia", or, as she was called by her nickname, helped people who do not want to live, and people who are experiencing the death of loved ones. And she also wrote such special stories for us - the book Satisfy My Sorrows was formed from these stories. And I am especially pleased that she dedicated this book to my colleague and me.

– You yourself know very well that often the Orthodox Internet communication of brothers in faith comes down, to put it mildly, to a bazaar: they begin to condemn, hate, at best, teach each other, “brotherly”, of course. There is a constant desire for conflict. Your Expert Advice: How Can Christians Communicate Online?

– A very long time ago I participated in the work of one of the Orthodox Internet forums. After observing myself, my own behavior, as well as the reaction of other participants in the conversations to all sorts of topics that concern the Orthodox, I came to the conclusion that this is mostly empty chatter, even if it goes on a topic that seems very important today. I try very hard to avoid these disputes, and the condemnations associated with this format of communication. When there is nothing to do, then you begin to divide into groups, get into conflicts, etc. It's like dogs in the same team in the North running and barking among themselves. But this barking interferes with the movement!

We are all in the same harness of the Lord. And you need to spend your strength on moving towards Christ, and not on meaningless squabbles

We are all in the same team of the Lord: He has placed us in this way. And we should save our strength, direct it towards moving towards Christ, and not spend it on yapping.

Orthodox, smile!

- You can see right away that you know how to smile and love to smile. How useful is humor in crisis situations?

I think humor is essential. When I conduct seminars for specialists on the prevention of suicidal behavior, many say with a smile: “Listen, it's so funny with you. We will later tell that we were at a seminar on suicide and laughed ... "

I believe that just the basis, the presentation of material should not be some kind of gloomy "load". A modern person experiences great difficulties when he hears even hints of something serious - spirituality or the same suicides. So the person is arranged that he perceives complex information much harder. And when it is presented easily, understandably, accessible and interesting, information is absorbed in a completely different way. Let's take a look at the apostles. They, having come somewhere, did not stand on the podium, did not make speeches about difficult things. No one would understand them! And they knew how to easily and clearly talk about the important and complex.

I know people who came to faith thanks to a smile.

I know people who came to faith thanks to the smile, creation and light that real Christians, ordinary Orthodox people, brought. One family came to faith when their grandmother was ill. She had a stroke. And they ran into a Christian nurse in the hospital. She, of course, did not graduate from the seminary. And she was so selfless, treated them so kindly, supported them with a smile, while doing the hardest work, perceiving it as serving God, that two people who had not really thought about faith until then, said a friend to a friend: "We must go to the temple: there is a God." And then I already read what happened in a similar way with the apostles, with the first Christians, when the pagans looked at them and said: “Exactly, there is a God. See how they love each other."

Here again the question is about content and external form. And we in our center, on the sites, try to ensure that the content is exactly relevant. We have the same form. There is nowhere to take people. We don't have chic offices, we don't have any super-equipment, although, of course, it wouldn't hurt. We have the main thing - superprofessionals. Our sites have an administrator - just a unique girl, herself a severely disabled person, but with her ministry she saved hundreds of people who came to sites and forums. After all, it happens like this: one person will save another person: say, pull him out of the water - and he fully deserved the title of hero; and here a person who cannot walk himself saves dozens - and no one knows about her. They only know the nickname: "Wave". And yet she lives alone! The Lord gives such amazing people who modestly, without exposing themselves, save dozens or even hundreds of souls from death and despair.

- Probably, the experience of your center is in great demand?

– Yes, both in the world and in the Church. I spend a lot of time on business trips, the employees of our center share their experience, participate in various programs. Of course, we also help methodically: people come to us from all over Russia. And most importantly: people see the benefits of our work. We work for God. And this is very happy.

Mikhail Igorevich Khasminsky is a well-known Russian crisis psychologist, the initiator of organizing a special center in Moscow at the Church of the Resurrection of Christ (the area of ​​​​the Baumanskaya and Semenovskaya metro stations) and its leader.

Biography

Mikhail Igorevich, born in 1969. Married, has a son.

As for the profession, in the past - a police major. He received his education as a psychologist at the Academy of the Ministry of Internal Affairs of Russia. She has experience working with children with cancer.

Orthodox psychologist, initiator of the development of such a direction in modern psychology as psycho-oncology.

About the Center for Crisis Psychology

It is one of the earliest institutions of its kind. Created over 10 years ago. The crisis center employs the best Orthodox psychologists who help almost anyone who addresses any issue (problems in family relationships, fears and obsessive thoughts, violence, natural disasters, stress, and so on). Both adults and children, both believers (of different religious groups) and atheists are helped here.

The attitude of the staff towards everyone is equal, regardless of what fee the person who applied was able to allocate and whether he allocated at all.

According to crisis psychologist Mikhail Khasminsky, the best reward for work is sincere gratitude and the shining eyes of the healed.

Activity

This outstanding person, in addition to his main activity, aimed at serving God through direct help to people, is also the author of many books, publications, and interviews.

Many of his articles are translated and published in English, Ukrainian, German, Romanian, Chinese and Serbian.

Conducts field seminars with practical work, teaches, promotes spiritual knowledge through the Internet space.

Professional interests

The activity of the psychologist Mikhail Igorevich Khasminsky is aimed at providing:

1. Psychological assistance to adults who are experiencing separation or divorce from a loved one.
2. Rehabilitation assistance to those who are experiencing stress from the loss of a loved one (death).
3. Support for patients suffering from a somatic disease of a complex degree.
4. Help to prevent suicide through certain psychological work.
5. Victims in the territory of hostilities, natural disasters, terrorist acts.
6. Help for adults and children who have experienced an extreme psychotraumatic situation.

• work through Skype, promotion of information about spiritual values ​​through an Internet resource;
• organization of volunteer activities;
• implementation of work in the segment of the section of social psychology - the psychology of the crowd.

Books and publications

Each edition of the crisis psychologist Khasminsky Mikhail Igorevich is the stages of his formation as a person, an outstanding personality, a psychologist. And although some of them were written a long time ago, they are still relevant today, because they reflect the pressing issues of modern society.

About Mikhail Khasminsky's books by subject:

Psychologist Mikhail Khasminsky about freedom

In the usual sense of the word, freedom means the absence of any limiting factors that can affect the decision-making, the performance of an action, and so on.

But a person lives in a social environment that periodically changes over the course of his life. And he would like to feel absolutely free from other people, their influences, but this cannot be until the end, since every human being is a part of society.

According to the psychologist Khasminsky, real freedom is freedom from attachments to money, power, and the opinions of others. That is, from the so-called passions in the Biblical scripture.

Real freedom comes to a person when he knows the truth that makes him free. And there can be only one dependence in life - from a loving Heavenly Father.

About infantilism

Also, according to Mikhail Khasminsky, in modern society there is a problem regarding the infantility of adults. Especially men.

There are several reasons for this. The very first and most important are single-parent families, where often sons are raised by their mother (and grandmothers). This is precisely what gives rise to the problem of the infantility of the growing boy. After all, responsibility must be learned from early childhood. Then every man will be mature and mature.

According to the psychologist, a simple method of observation helps to distinguish a truly adult person from an infantile one: if a person comes to a rehabilitation center (or church) as if for help, but does nothing, but only pours out mental problems and looks for someone take full responsibility for yourself and your life, then this is a clear sign of immaturity.

As a rule, during the consultations certain practical tasks are given that must be completed. And when a person does something (even if it doesn’t work out very well), wants to really change, then you can help him, and this already speaks of some maturity.

Dear friends!

The author is the head of the Center for Crisis Psychology at the Patriarchal Metochion of the Church of the Resurrection of Christ on Semenovskaya, Mikhail Igorevich Khasminsky (more details can be found below), who has many years of practical experience in crisis and family psychology.

The cycle is designed for those who want to get married, who already have problems in marriage, who do not have normal relationships with loved ones, who have fallen into love addiction, as well as for those who want to understand exactly how to create a family in the future. relationships. The seminar will be of interest to those who are going through a period of separation or divorce.

In just a few months, you will learn the most important things for building or maintaining a family, make new friends, and gain invaluable experience. Important rules will be discussed in detail to prevent a relationship crisis and help to overcome it if it occurs, as well as interesting life situations will be analyzed. In addition to heartfelt conversations, there will be interesting tests, as well as practical tasks. The seminars will provide meaningful, specific advice and recommendations on a case-by-case basis. The listeners will receive answers to their questions and not only within the framework of the course, but also in individual consultations with the author of the seminars.

Seminars are built on the lecture part, trainings, various interesting tests, projective methods, analysis of specific situations and informal communication. For example, after the seminar there is always a traditional tea party with a discussion

Classes are fun, informative, not boring, and most importantly interesting.

Without what foundation the family will not be strong;

Who can be your soul mate

What is the difference between love and love addiction;

What is betrayal, jealousy, fear, guilt, and how to take them under control;

How to properly relate to feelings and emotions, what is their role in human life;

What is harmony, happiness in the family and how to achieve them;

How to survive separation and divorce;

How to overcome obsessive destructive thoughts;

How to forgive insults and avoid conflicts;

How not to get hit, and if you hit, how to get out of secondary benefits and imaginary dead ends;

What are the characteristics of the victim's behavior in the family,

What are the types of manipulation between husband and wife and ways to counter them;

How and where is it better to get acquainted to create a family;

Safe psychotherapeutic techniques for every day

Men and women of all ages and religions (or lack thereof) are welcome.

People who are going through serious conflict in a relationship will benefit most from coming together rather than alone.

The number of participants is limited (maximum 17 people)

All the time the “Stop Rule” will apply - each of the participants has the right to tell something to the other members of the group solely at their own request.

Seminars will be held weekly on Wednesdays from 19.00 to 22.00 for 3 months

Registration fee per person for each lesson - 500 rubles.

Venue: Moscow, Semenovskaya metro station, Izmailovskoye shosse, 2 (500 m from Semenovskaya metro station)

You can sign up for a group, ask or clarify your questions by calling 8-909 978 5881.

As soon as the group is formed, you will be called back in advance and invited to the first lesson.

Waiting for you!

Reference: Mikhail Igorevich Khasminsky

Head of the Center for Crisis Psychology, created with the blessing of His Holiness Patriarch Alexy II at the Patriarchal Compound Church of the Resurrection of Christ on Semenovskaya in 2006.

Orthodox crisis psychologist. Editor-in-Chief of the online journal "Russian Orthodox Psychology". Editor-in-chief of the Memoriam.ru website.

Member of the Association of Oncopsychologists of Russia.

Leading expert of the portals of practical crisis Orthodox psychology memoriam.ru and boleem.com. perejit.ru, pobedish.ru vetkaivi.ru and other sites of the group (total average traffic - 50,000 unique visitors daily). This group of sites is the main one in the direction of providing psychological assistance in the Russian-speaking segment of the Internet.

Co-author and author of more than 11 popular books, as well as many publications and interviews on Orthodox psychology. Compiler of a series of books for those experiencing grief. Many materials on crisis Orthodox psychology have been translated and published in English, Romanian, Chinese, Ukrainian, and German. The book "Siguran oslonac u crizi" was published in Serbian, consisting of articles, interviews and publications.

http://foma.ru/psycholog-v-hrame.html