How to develop communication skills. Problems in communication

Maybe I will surprise you, but communication skills play a big role in our lives. In particular, verbal communication skills can be very useful. What you write, you can edit several times before sending it. But what you say, you will not return. Therefore, if it seems to you that you have problems with this case, please pay attention to what I will write below. Here are 25 tips to improve your communication skills.

1. Learn to listen carefully to the interlocutor

Listening and speaking are, of course, two different things. But in order to speak well, you need to learn to listen. Ask again. When you correctly understand the meaning of what you were told, it will be easier to answer. You can paraphrase or repeat what you have been told. People will be pleased that you are attentive and ready to listen to them, so they will behave the same towards you.

2. Pay attention to the content of what you say and the feeling with which you do it.

Sometimes the expression says more than the words themselves. But the meaning should not be forgotten either. Try to talk more on the topic, then it will be more pleasant to listen to you.

3. Don't get distracted while talking

When you are talking to someone, it is very important to be with him not only physically, but also mentally. Don't think about other things when you're talking to someone. Make sure you maintain eye contact. Nod, agree with what you are told, in general, signal that you are really listening.

4. Watch your voice

Many do not even realize that the voice is very important in communication. But after all, how unpleasant it is to listen to a squeaky, very thin voice, such an interlocutor is annoying. But if your voice has a pleasant tone, it will be more pleasant to listen to you. Try to speak in a low tone for a few minutes a day, so you will make your ordinary voice more beautiful.

5. Watch the volume

Your tone and volume can help reinforce what you are saying. It is necessary to combine tone with feeling. Change the tone and volume depending on the situation and the distance between you and the interlocutor.

6. Carefully Emphasize Your Sentences

When we are talking to someone, it is very important to be careful with accents. The word or phrase you emphasize should be chosen very carefully. For example, in the sentence "Do you believe me?" - if you focus on the pronoun "you", then this will mean that you are more concerned about who believes. If you focus on "me", it is more important for you that they believe you, and not someone else. Avoid .

7. Watch your speed

Try not to speak too fast or, on the contrary, too slowly. If you chatter, a person may simply not catch up with you. This will greatly reduce the quality of communication. If you speak too slowly, your interlocutor can become bored very soon. And you can hardly influence anything through your appeal.

8. Pronounce all words correctly

When you talk about something, you should not mutter or make incoherent sounds. Pronounce all words correctly and as clearly as possible. This gives the impression that you are smart and can be trusted. It also prevents any misunderstandings.

9. Use the right words

The words you use greatly influence the message you are trying to convey. Never use words you don't know the meaning of. Remember that in different ethnic, cultural and age groups, many words have different meanings. Use the right words. And constantly.

10. Try to avoid raised tones

When you raise your tone, it seems that you are blaming your interlocutor for something. It will turn on protection and block, which will greatly damage your communication. Try to move into as much personal communication as possible, while your interlocutor will feel more relaxed. He will definitely listen to your point of view, and communication will be fully established.

11. Pay attention to nonverbal cues

Information can be transmitted not only with the help of sounds and other verbal signals. The hand gestures, the posture the person is sitting in, and the facial expression can tell you just as much. So pay attention to them too.

12. Express your thoughts clearly

When you address someone, try to pronounce your words as clearly as possible. Words, tone, volume and gestures should work together to make you easy to understand.

13. Do not interrupt the interlocutor

If you continually try to insert your comment without giving the interlocutor the opportunity to express his thought to the end, this indicates an elementary disrespect for the communication partner. You can not even hope that the next time you meet, he will want to start a conversation with you. Always listen to the speech to the end, and then give feedback.

anna base

Interaction with other people is a significant part of everyone's life. For some, communication is not a particular problem, for others it is given with such difficulty that they prefer to avoid contact. However, it is better, having studied the rules and becoming more confident in yourself, to increase the effectiveness of communication than to spend your life as a hermit.

How not to be afraid to talk to people

A common reason that causes communication difficulties is fear. This is the fear of being misunderstood, of saying stupid things that “everyone will laugh at,” the fear of a negative reaction from others. As a rule, this reason has deep roots that go back to childhood. In this case, it is recommended to remember under what conditions the phobia was formed, to analyze the situation.

Effective communication: how to become an interesting conversationalist

Difficulties arise already because you have nothing to say. Answer honestly: can you interest yourself? How much do you know and are you able to keep up the conversation? Do you have hobbies and interests? If you answered “yes” to at least the last question, then everything is not so bad. On the contrary, because you have a chance to communicate with people online on forums dedicated to the topic of interest. This has several advantages:

there will be no fear
it is easier to communicate among like-minded people,
if you are an expert, then your opinion will be listened to and respected, and this always has a positive effect on self-esteem.

In the future, this communication can be continued in real life.

To understand how to learn how to easily and simply communicate with people, at least there must be a topic for communication. Learn something new every day, develop yourself, form your own opinion about events. Discuss with loved ones the last book you read, the movie you liked - share your emotions and thoughts.

Do not be afraid to say something stupid - you will be surprised, but people do it all the time, serving under the sauce of self-righteousness, therefore they inspire confidence in others.

How to communicate freely: 4 exercises

The first basic rule is a good mood. No one likes to communicate with whiners and bores. Therefore, you should not take out negative emotions on others. Create a mood for yourself - start the morning with a smile at the reflection in the mirror, a delicious breakfast, your favorite music. Stop complaining and learn to see more of the good.

Learn to understand other people without words. Guess the emotions on the faces of passers-by, determine what a person who has a particular facial expression can feel. Here, training in front of a mirror can also help - depict different feelings and watch how facial expressions change.

This is important, because how the same phrase is uttered depends on how it will be perceived.

Sign up for a speaking class. Even if you do not have to speak in public (although communication, in fact, is such a performance), you will learn how to build phrases and express thoughts correctly.

How to communicate correctly: what does psychology teach?

Even if you lacked elementary communication skills since childhood, they can be developed.

What should you pay attention to to make it easier to communicate with people?

Development of confidence. Self-confidence is a sign of a successful person, and such people attract the attention of others, arouse interest and desire to communicate.
Endear. A simple way to inspire confidence in the interlocutor is to make eye contact when communicating. If a person looks away, this may indicate that he is lying, and this is recognized at a subconscious level. Looking into the eyes has a hypnotic effect. At the same time, remember that too long a look can be regarded as aggressive behavior, a challenge, so it is extremely important to control the timbre of the voice and intonation during a conversation.
Address the interlocutor by name. For a person, there is no sound more pleasant than your own name. That's the way we are.
Proper conversation. Ask questions that can be answered in detail, as well as supplemented with additional questions. Here, too, it is important not to overdo it - so that the dialogue does not look like an interrogation.
Don't be afraid of rejection. The reason for difficulties in communication can be the fear of rejection, which reinforces the already existing self-doubt. Take it for granted - any answer is a result. Failure is just an excuse to look for another solution to the problem. It should not affect your self-esteem in any way - at least you do not know the true reasons why the interlocutor did not agree. The feeling of fear limits a person. For motivation, watch the movie with Jim Carrey "Always Say Yes."

How to learn to communicate with people - Carnegie book

Dale Carnegie's advice is a classic in communication psychology. People faced with communication problems find answers in them. These are effective and simple recommendations that will help you establish contact with any (adequate) person.

Don't set yourself the goal of learning how to communicate with people in a week or a month. It may take much longer, but you will notice small shifts after a few “training” conversations. Treat it like homework to be done. At the same time, keep yourself relaxed, without unnecessary emotions that indicate anxiety.

December 18, 2013, 14:04

People skills are very important. Many areas in your life can depend on how you talk or correspond with your interlocutors. By becoming a pleasant and tactful interlocutor, and having mastered some rules of etiquette, you will be able to win over many people, which can bring you positive results in the future.

What role does the ability to communicate in society play?

The ability to establish contact is an important quality, and no one possesses it from birth. This skill needs to be developed, and if it has not been laid down for you since childhood, this does not mean at all that you cannot acquire it now. People who have learned how to communicate correctly in society are undoubtedly more successful not only in their careers, but also in their personal lives. Often, in our manner of speaking, the interlocutors add up the first impression of us, and we can ensure that it is only positive.

The subtleties of communication

Note that communication can include both verbal and non-verbal elements. That is, when entering into a dialogue with other people, you do not just pronounce a set of phrases, and not only the attention of the interlocutors is focused on them. In addition to the correctness of speech, it is important to monitor the shades of intonation, facial expressions, gestures, and gaze.

Surely, you had to watch how a person seems to say reasonable things, but something repels him. It can be just a running glance, sharp hand movements or a “frozen” pose, monotonous-sounding phrases, and the like. All these factors are no less important than the content of your phrases.

How to stop being afraid of public speaking

As you know, some people are afraid to speak in front of the public, and this fear can remain throughout life. However, many feel psychological stress not only when speaking in front of a large audience, but also simply, if necessary, in contact with a stranger. It can reach discomfort even when communicating with the seller, cashier, etc.

Fear of talking to strangers

First of all, it is worth determining where this fear came from. There may be several reasons.

shyness

Usually this trait comes from deep childhood, and depends on the temperament of the child. Some children behave openly, and sometimes intrusively, while others are embarrassed to start a dialogue with adults or peers. If parents do not instill communication skills, and let everything take its course, then in the end this trait flows into adulthood.

Low self-esteem

You are so insecure that you think that if you start a conversation with a stranger, you will look stupid. Perhaps it seems to you that there is nothing to talk about with you, you are unhappy with your voice, unsure of your ability to clearly express your thoughts, and so on. Low self-esteem can be hidden in many small things, leading to general self-doubt.

Complexes regarding appearance

This subparagraph can be related to the previous one, but the difference is that it is only about appearance. Perhaps it seems to you that if you speak, then others will pay attention to some flaw in your appearance that would hide from them if you did not attract attention to yourself.

Ways to deal with fear

Recognition of the problem

Having realized what your problem is, which entailed a fear of communication, it is important to try to solve it. If the reason lies in some defects in appearance, then find a way to fix them. It is also important to understand that your complex can be contrived. Surely, among famous people there are those who have a similar "flaw" - look at how they behave in public and how many fans they have!

If it's not about appearance or not only about it, but low self-esteem in general, then you probably need to raise it. You can make an appointment with a psychologist, but if you are afraid of communicating with strangers, then this step will probably cause you stress. That is why you should look on the Web for motivational videos with psychological consultations, which are absolutely free.

Appearance

A lot depends on how you look when communicating with people. You probably noticed that if you are unsure of your appearance, then communication is even more difficult for you - you just don’t want to focus on yourself. Such moments must be avoided. We are talking about the elementary - clothes, accessories, shoes. Choose your wardrobe carefully so that you have no doubts about it. Do not forget not only about stylish and comfortable things, but also about skin care, teeth, hair and nails. If you carefully take care of all of the above, then you will gain confidence in yourself.

Communication

If you want to overcome your fear, then you need to face the problem face to face. Only by starting to contact other people, you will learn to cope with your psychological barriers. Start small with phone calls. Sharpen your communication skills with loved ones. It is unlikely that you are afraid of talking with relatives or friends - communicate with them more often. As an experiment, to clarify a question, call an old acquaintance who fell out of your field of vision for some period. Subsequently, you can call one of the gyms in the city, for example, by asking the administrator what the cost of a subscription is at their institution and until what time the gym is open. With clarifying questions, you can also call a beauty salon or a yoga studio. It is not necessary to use these services afterwards - you simply consult, as many other people do.

Having mastered a little with telephone conversations, try to start a dialogue “live”. If you are afraid of looking stupid when talking to strangers, then choose a way of communication where you will mainly have to listen. You can go to the nearest post office and ask what is the best way to send a parcel to another country (for example, to Canada in the city of Toronto), and how long it will take to go there. Improvise, and gradually you will forget about your fears.

I don’t know what to talk to people about, how to start a dialogue first

It is important to understand that if you start the conversation first, then nothing terrible or unnatural will happen. Unless if another person starts a conversation with you, will you think something bad about him? Most likely no. In the same way, other people will not see anything incredible if you contact them, so do not invent problems from scratch.

1. Ask questions

The easiest way to start a dialogue is with a question that is relevant to the situation. If you are at a certain party, you can ask something about the menu - pay attention to what the potential interlocutor drinks or eats, and ask if he is happy with the choice and whether you should order a similar dish or drink for yourself. Of course, you should not be intrusive at the same time, if a person is relaxed and clearly ready for communication, and not concentrated on absorbing his food, then only then it makes sense to ask such questions.

You can also be interested in more neutral topics - how to get to a particular area where there is a good hardware or book store in the city, and so on.

2. Be interesting

In order to avoid questions about possible topics for conversations, it is necessary to expand your horizons, to constantly be in the stage of intellectual or physical development. If you have nothing to talk about with others, then most likely you are not interested in much other than your main occupation. Many careerists are fixated only on their work, housewives - on domestic issues, and students - on their studies. It is unlikely that only these topics are able to win over the interlocutor and make him become interested in your personality.

Start with reading - world classics or philosophical literature. Subsequently, you can give examples from the books you read or recommend certain works to the interlocutor, giving them your assessment. You may say that you have absolutely no time to read. It is for such people that audiobooks have long been invented that can be listened to in traffic jams, while preparing dinner, cleaning the apartment, and so on.

To develop your personality, it is useful to attend various master classes. In childhood, many of us liked to go to some kind of "circles" - dancing, drawing, beading and the like. Currently, all this and more is offered for adults. In almost every city, with the exception of very small provinces, you can find a lot of master classes - you can sign up for a lesson in painting, belly dancing, yoga, cooking classes, dancing and much more!

3. Let others be interesting

Do not assume that when communicating with you, the interlocutor is only engaged in evaluating your conversational skills, tone, gestures, and richness of stories. Most people want to make a good impression about themselves as much as you do, and you can win over a person if you help him open up in an interesting way. He will remember this feeling of self-satisfaction, and subconsciously note that it arose during a conversation with you, so he will be pleased to remember this communication, and he will strive for it again.

If you know that the interlocutor has recently visited another country or city, ask about the features of this place. If he plays sports, note his excellent physical shape, let him know that you would also like to do something similar and ask for advice on where to start. Many people can get lost with some questions, and if you notice that one of them took a person by surprise, do not focus on this topic if the counterpart does not return to it himself. Immediately unobtrusively move the conversation in a different direction - but do not move on to the next question, but tell something yourself, in the meantime allowing the interlocutor to gather his thoughts.

How easy it is to meet people and make friends

Often people avoid making acquaintances on their own, for fear of looking strange. If you want to avoid this, take note of some recommendations.

Don't be intrusive. Turning to a person, try to correctly track his reaction. If he obviously tries to answer in monosyllables, looks away, does not ask counter questions and switches to other things, such as examining the surrounding interior or setting up his phone, then he is clearly not inclined to dialogue. It may not even be about you - just now this person does not want to communicate or is not in the mood to make new acquaintances. You are probably familiar with these feelings.

Be natural. Allow yourself at least for one day to forget about all your fears or complexes. Conduct a kind of experiment - start a conversation with another person, without thinking about what impression you make. Just enjoy the conversation.

Stay confident in itself. If you have not yet been able to gain confidence in yourself, no one should guess about it. Starting a conversation with fawning or uncertain intonations is unlikely to achieve a positive effect. Speak confidently and calmly, do not doubt your words and do not think that you can look stupid and ridiculous. What does a confident person look like? When talking, he does not look at the floor or to the side, but into the eyes of the interlocutor. Although, from time to time it is still worth relaxing to look away to the side - a steady look into the eyes may seem unnatural. Don't constantly adjust your clothes or hair, don't "wring" your hands, and don't study your reflection (even briefly) on mirrored surfaces.

Speech and diction. This is also an important point. Learn to speak not too loudly, but also not quietly. You should be well heard, but nothing more. If you are periodically asked to speak quieter or louder, pay attention to this moment - it can significantly annoy the interlocutors. You can also record your speech on a voice recorder, and while listening to it, pay attention to errors. Avoid slowness and stretching of words, as well as excessive haste. Follow the golden mean. Now you can find a lot of trainings in which professionals will help you with the correct diction. You can simply sign up for a private consultation with a speech therapist, even if it seems to you that you have no problems with pronunciation, placement of stresses and the like - this meeting, in any case, will benefit you.

Be positive. Many people try to avoid those who often "radiate" negativity. Think about whether you are among such pessimists? Even if you are used to negative thinking, try not to show this trait to others. Compliment people, praise them, joke, laugh at other people's jokes.

However, feigned gaiety should also be avoided - such insincerity is often noticeable and looks ridiculous. Try not to talk badly about other people, or at least not focus on your negative emotions - this can turn you off.

Show interest. As you know, most people are very concerned about their personality - how they look, what impression they make, and so on. If you show interest in the personality of the interlocutor, then this will be a sure way to start friendships. Pay attention to any slightest achievements of a potential friend, be interested in his opinion on a particular topic, make compliments. Of course, it is important not to overdo it so that your interest does not look like flattery.

If you began to notice that other people are not too keen to maintain a dialogue with you and even avoid communication, then perhaps some reasons contributed to this. Let's consider some of them:

1- Subjective assessment

Of course, we all have our own subjective point of view on almost everything. However, if you are a tactful interlocutor, you will not try to impose your opinion on another person, especially if you see that he does not agree with him.

It is important to understand that someone else's point of view on certain events is no less valuable than yours. Yes, perhaps the interlocutor is really wrong, but if you want it to be pleasant to communicate with you, then do not try to prove your case at any cost. Gently present your arguments, without irony and irritation, ask what arguments your opponent has. Believe me, if a person is really wrong in some important issue, then soon he himself will understand this. If the issue is insignificant, then it is not worth paying attention to it.

2 - Detachment or talkativeness

These are two extremes that are best avoided. In the first case, when a person behaves aloof, immersed in himself, the interlocutor may decide that you are not interested in communicating with him. Of course, there are people who like to speak out incessantly, and at the same time do not notice the mood of others, but most still pay attention to someone else's reaction. Perhaps, due to a particular character or shyness, you try not to express your point of view, giving the interlocutor the right to conduct a dialogue, but gradually such communication can turn into a monologue, and it’s not a fact that the other participant in the conversation likes this state of affairs.

In the second case (with excessive talkativeness), it is also difficult to hone the correct communication skills. Many of us know such people who like to talk a lot, interrupt and not listen to others. At the same time, they may consider themselves interesting and sociable personalities, but in fact they cause varying degrees of irritation. If mostly tactful interlocutors come across on their way, then they may not even know about their problem. Analyze your conversations with other people - who talks more? In communication, it is important to maintain a balance - talking yourself, asking questions and listening to the answers of the other person.

3 - Stare

Are you sure you don't have that habit of staring at other people? Many people feel uncomfortable under such a “microscope”, and they try to wrap up the conversation as quickly as possible. It may seem to you that you are quietly examining someone's shoes, hair, or some part of the body, but, as a rule, this is very noticeable.

Also, the height of tactlessness is pointing out any shortcomings that a person already knows very well himself or, most likely, would like not to focus on them. Perhaps it’s not even worth mentioning that exclamations are unacceptable: “Oh, your pimple popped up!”, “Do you know that you have gray hair?”, “Are you getting better?”, “Your blouse is wrinkled,” and so on. such tactless remarks. They can only sound between very close people - a parent and son or daughter or husband and wife, and then if you are sure that this is appropriate.

4 - Questions

This subparagraph follows from the previous subparagraph - it will be about the ability to ask questions. Even if you and your interlocutor speak in approximately equal proportions, but at the same time you do not ask any questions to keep the conversation going, then such a conversation can soon become boring. It is important for people to feel an interest in their person. Be interested in the affairs of the interlocutor, his opinion on this or that account. It is important not to cross the line though. If you are not in a very close relationship, do not ask very personal questions - do not be faux pas. If a person is embarrassed about a question or topic of conversation, gently move the conversation in a different direction, thereby showing yourself to be a flexible and tactful interlocutor.

Many children find it difficult to make friends or keep friendships because they lack the necessary communication skills. Danny is just such a kid. He is a quick-witted, lively three-year-old who attends morning prep classes five times a week. Danny really wanted to have friends, but nothing came of it. At the beginning of the year, he usually rarely approached other children and was able to wander around on his own most of the time. He stood out noticeably in singing lessons when he launched into a lengthy reproduction of the songs he had learned at home. During the semester, Danny repeatedly tried to become a participant in children's games, but all his attempts were unsuccessful. For example, he will approach Alison and Becky, who are solving a puzzle, and stand next to them. Alison calmly says to him: "Get out of here." "Why?" Danny asks. "Because I don't need you here." Danny quietly disappears. Another time, Danny walks up to the desk where Josh is working and says "Hi." Josh doesn't respond and Danny just walks away. Since Danny failed to attract the attention of other children, he tried to communicate with teachers. So, while some children are playing with colored plastic pipes, Danny picks up some pipes and, turning to the head teacher, asks: “Will you pack them with me, Mrs. Benson?” When, in response, the teacher invites him to play with Dylan, Danny, pipes in hand, goes to the far table alone, while singing some song to himself. Another case: Danny and Kevin are swinging together on the ropes. Then Kevin runs away and invites his best friend Jake to join him. Danny was left to swing alone. He slowly walks to the school fence and looks through the gap for a long time at the neighboring school yard, where unfamiliar children from a parallel class are playing. When asked who his best friend at school is, Danny replies "Caleb". When Danny is asked why Caleb is his friend, he replies: "Because I want to."

To make friends and keep friendships, children need to master several different skills. They must be able to engage in group activities, learn to be supportive and supportive of their peers, handle conflicts appropriately, and show sensitivity and tact.

Mastering these skills can be difficult. As Jenny's experience shows, in kindergarten, children who make direct attempts to get involved in an already established group activity run the risk of being rejected outright. William Corsaro notes that once two or more children have come up with and defined a particular activity for themselves, whether it be solving a puzzle or flying aboard a spaceship, they often "protect" their activity by keeping out any outsider who might dare ask for them. They may not respond to a greeting, to the question “What are you doing? - answer: “We are making Easter cakes, but you are not”, and to a direct question: “Can I go with you?” - give the same direct answer: "No." Thus, in order to get involved in an activity, the child apparently needs to be careful, be able to skillfully maneuver and be persistent after the first refusal - a skill that Danny has not yet mastered.

The art of being friends also includes the ability to be a friend. The most popular children with whom classmates like to play are those children who often pay attention to their peers, praise them and willingly respond to their requests. Conversely, children who are often ignored, ridiculed, blamed, threatened, or refused to interact with their peers are usually disliked by their classmates.

This means that in order for a child to be included and accepted into their community by other children, he or she must also be “included” and “accepted”. It must be admitted, however, that "friendly" behavior is not always rewarded with friendship. Whether an expression of tenderness will really be appreciated by another child depends on how this tenderness is expressed and how the recipient understands it. While some children need to learn to lead in a more friendly way, others need to learn to restrain their too friendly displays.

As children develop empathy, they also learn the subtle art of interaction needed to resolve conflict and maintain friendships. Even four-year-olds can show such tact, especially when it comes to close friends. As confirmation of these words, I can, for example, refer to a conversation I overheard between David and Josh, who were walking together, pretending to be robots:

DAVID. I am a rocket robot and can fire rockets from my fingers. I can launch them from anywhere, even from my feet. I am a rocket robot.

JOSH (teasing). No, you're a farting robot.

DAVID (protesting) No, I'm a rocket robot.

JOSH. No, you're a farting robot.

DAVID (hurt, almost crying) No, Josh!

JOSH (realizing that David is upset) And I'm a fart fart robot.

DAVID (cheerful again) I'm a pee-wee robot.

During this argument, Josh realized that he had said something like this (“You are a farting robot”), which greatly upset his friend. He skillfully got out of the situation, humiliating himself (“And I am a fart-fart robot”), thus showing. that his bullying is not to be taken seriously. David's response ("I'm a pee-pee") to Josh's move means that Josh accurately assessed the situation and successfully saved his friend from humiliation.

Acquiring social skills can be very difficult for a preschooler, especially if he or she has not had much past experience with peers without direct adult supervision. Kindergartens often serve as a "testing ground" for developing such skills.

Children acquire communication skills not so much from adults as from contact with each other. Through trial and error, they are more likely to discover which behaviors work and which do not. Children also learn communication skills under the direct tutelage of their peers or by their examples. When one day David whimpered, "Harry pushed me," Josh confidently advised him, "Just tell him to stop." In other cases, children introduce their friends to each other, help others find common ground, or show them how to resolve conflicts. And I tend to believe that this kind of advice and help from respected peers is often more effective than similar intervention from teachers or parents.

However, there are times when children need adult help to learn special socializing skills. A vicious circle - when children want to be friends, but do not have the skill of friendly communication - can be set in motion. Lonely children need to socialize with their peers to gain the confidence and skills needed to communicate successfully. But their lack of communication skills - for example, if they are unable to reach out to other children or often scare them away - can deprive them of just that opportunity. In such cases, the intervention of parents or teachers may be required. One way is to set up a child who has no friends with some other specific child - sometimes one who also has no friends - with whom, in the opinion of adults, he could get along. In at least some cases, such “pimping” helps two withdrawn children gain an initial and valuable experience of social recognition. Another way is to pair up an older child who is too strong or too aggressive, and a younger child, who the first (the bully) will refer to as "big brother" and, acting in this role, learns that you can win recognition without being a bully.

Psychologists have also developed a number of programs to teach communication skills to children of preschool and school age. In these programs, children who are classified as loners or "exiles" are given a series of sessions that demonstrate special communication skills, provide opportunities to practice it, and provide feedback on the results. In one such program, unpopular third- and fourth-grade students participated in pairs in a series of training sessions aimed at acquiring four sets of skills: how to take part in certain games, to do things in turn and together, to communicate with other children more verbosely. and how to support peers by giving them attention and helping them. In at least some cases, such training programs have markedly contributed to the involvement of initially unpopular children in the circle of peers.

As social skills programs tend to focus on promoting children's social acceptance or popularity, some nagging questions about the value system arise. Do these programs really help children develop the ability to make friends, or are they tailored to the American ideal of glibness and good nature that has little to do with true friendship. (Peter Swedfeld explains our society's tendency to be 'together') The answer to this question depends both on the details of the program and on the value system of the adults implementing it. From the point of view of some, at least the leading ones, practitioners, “the purpose of teaching communication skills is not to create “popular” or “sociable” children, but to help children, no matter what type of personality they may be, to develop a real relationship... with at least one child or two. It can also be questioned whether it is ethical to impose communication skills training on children who have little choice in this matter and who in some cases may not really feel the desire to become “friendlier”. Ultimately, the most compelling argument in favor of such programs is that they seem to increase a child's level of self-control of their own lives:

“A child who is able to start playing or socializing with his own kind may still prefer to spend time alone. But such a child will be able to communicate successfully when he (she) wants it or if the situation requires it. On the other hand. a child who lacks social skills may be left alone or "isolated" out of necessity rather than willingly".

It is not necessary for parents and teachers to open formal courses to teach children social skills in a school or home setting; it is enough to resort to the demonstration of such skills, explanations and reviews about them. Although adults have a role to play in teaching children how to communicate, it is best if they play it in a subtle way. In particular, adults should beware of “correcting” in front of all children who have not yet mastered some skills and thus embarrassing them, and also publicly calling children “shy”, because they will begin to consider themselves just like that.

Adults should not impose communication skills indiscriminately, but should respect the real differences between children, which encourage some children to form friendships with many peers, others to focus on one or two friendships, and still others to spend a lot of time alone. Any of these models can satisfy an individual child and suit him. In trying to help children make friends, we should be more interested in the quality of the children's friendships than the number of them.

total:0
In contact with 0
Google Plus 0
OK 0
Facebook 0