Any manifestation of external and inner world finds a response in a person in the form of emotions. From what they are emotions, negative or positive Whether we are strong or not, our health directly depends. This article is about the signs of nervousness and its causes. .

People at any age experience mental stress. If a child can laugh with tears in his eyes, and a teenager forgets about unhappy love after 3-4 days, then an adult worries about any reason, and scrolls through unpleasant thoughts in his memory for a long time, cherishing them inside himself, thereby driving his psyche into a state of stress.

This is explained by the fact that with age, immune defense decreases, hormonal levels change and a person becomes more and more prone to a negative perception of reality.

And reasons to be nervous modern world enough - excessive haste, daily stress at home and at work, stressful work, social vulnerability, etc.

By the way, constant nervousness is one of the reasons for the strange night eating syndrome, in which people wake up at night from hunger and are unable to fall asleep without a snack.

Why are we nervous?

Objective reasons

The human condition has changed, How biological species. At the beginning of evolution, man led a natural lifestyle: the level of physical activity and the neuropsychic stress necessary for survival corresponded to each other.

The habitat was environmentally friendly, and if it became unsuitable, the community of people changed it to another without trying to change it.

The information environment has changed. Every decade the amount of information accumulated before doubles. Scientific and technological progress has a colossal impact on the brain: the speed at which information is received does not correspond to the biological capabilities of its assimilation, which is aggravated by a lack of time.

Children at school, especially diligent ones, experience information overload: the mental state of a first-grader when writing tests and the state of the astronaut at the moment of take-off of the spacecraft are comparable.

Many professions also create information loads: an air traffic controller, for example, must simultaneously control up to two dozen aircraft, and a teacher must pay enough attention to dozens of students.

How to use products to improve brain function, prevent brain atrophy and dementia (dementia, Alzheimer's).

Urban population growth increased the density of human contacts and the degree of tension between people. The number of unpleasant and unavoidable relationships has increased in public transport, in queues, in stores.

At the same time, beneficial contacts (for example, family contacts) have decreased and take only about 30 minutes per day.

Increased noise level, especially in cities, exceeds natural norms and has a negative impact on our psyche and the body as a whole: blood pressure and respiratory rate changes, sleep and dream patterns are disturbed, and other unfavorable symptoms.

We are exposed to noise almost constantly, sometimes without noticing it (TV, radio).

Bad ecology also has an indirect effect on the brain and psyche. High levels of carbon monoxide in the air we breathe reduce gas exchange in the brain and its performance. Sulfur and nitrogen oxides disrupt brain metabolism.

Radioactive contamination occupies a special place in the deterioration of mental functioning: our nervous system suffers greatly from it high level. The psychological impact of this factor aggravates the harmful effect, generating fear.

Scientific and technological revolution improved the material conditions of human habitation, but at the same time significantly reduced its margin of safety. Reduced physical activity has led to impairment biological mechanisms human body.

Subjective reasons

Strong emotions are usually a defensive reaction to manifestations outside world. We get nervous if we are not confident in ourselves, in our present, we experience fear of the future, dissatisfaction with ourselves and others.

Any living organism, in the presence of a threat, responds with compression (muscle tension) - to become invisible, to hide so that the “predator” does not notice or eat.

In the modern world, this “predator” has been transformed into different images of the social and public environment: level of well-being, relationships with superiors, fear of responsibility, fear of criticism and condemnation, small pension, impending poor old age, etc.

These social “predators” scare us, we want to hide and not think about them, but our thoughts always return to unpleasant things willingly and spontaneously. From here it arises again and again nervous tension, which means the body instinctively contracts.

What happens to the body during nervous tension

Strong and prolonged emotions plunge the body into a state of stress: muscle tone increases, heart rate accelerates, digestion slows down, the stress hormone cortisol and the action and anxiety hormone adrenaline are released into the blood.

All internal resources are mobilized to overcome danger, the body is ready for quick action.

Such a defensive reaction is an ancient form of response, genetically determined and necessary for the survival of humans as a biological species. It involves physical activity, the body must work off “adrenaline”. And that is why physical activity helps with nervous tension.

Thus,

Nervous tension is always accompanied by unconscious muscle tension .

With constant nervousness and a sedentary lifestyle, muscle tone becomes chronic. A person seems to be encased in a muscular shell; movement within it requires enormous energy expenditure. Therefore, fatigue is a faithful companion to nervous states.

Due to constant muscle tension, performance decreases, irritability appears, and the functions of the digestive, cardiovascular and other systems and organs are disrupted.

Signs of nervous tension. How to help yourself

Nagging pain in the back, lower back, neck, shoulder girdle. With any nervous overload, the tension of the skeletal muscles increases, while the muscles of the neck, shoulder blades and biceps bear increased load.

Bring your index finger and thumb together and clasp them tightly on both hands.

Do full body stretching exercises and different groups muscles.

Massage your ankles, moving up to your thighs. Do the same for your arms, moving up from your hands to your shoulders.

Sleep disturbance. It is well known that the best and safest medicine for nervousness is sleep. However, if you go to bed with a load of problems, then your brain continues to solve them in your sleep, which does not allow you to fully rest.

There is no interest in love pleasures.

The subconscious of a person in a difficult life situation establishes a ban on receiving pleasure from life. So that he doesn’t get scattered and throws all his energy into solving problems.

This results in a contradiction:

a person in this state, on the contrary, needs positive emotions, namely the pleasure hormones endorphins produced during lovemaking, because these hormones protect the body from stress and minimize its harmful effects.

Refusal to engage in a favorite hobby.

All efforts are aimed at eliminating the cause of nervous tension (finishing a project, finishing an article, preparing a report, etc.), but there is simply not enough time or energy for the rest of life. The whole body is like a string, all thoughts are about one thing. This attitude towards the problem aggravates mental and physical discomfort.

Make it a rule to give yourself the opportunity to rest. Let your day off be a real break from all your problems. This will provide the necessary energy to solve troubling problems.

Repetitive actions:

tapping fingers, swinging legs, walking back and forth. This is a natural human reaction to emotional stress, so he tries to restore balance and calm down.

Help yourself with similar repetitive actions: you can walk up and down the stairs, touch your rosary, knit.

Even chewing gum has a good effect; chewing movements activate cerebral circulation, which increases resistance to stressful situations.

By a person's gestures, facial expressions, and posture, you can easily understand that he is nervous. Even if he manages to control his speech, he tries to pull himself together and speaks relatively calmly, but non-verbal signals may indicate that his condition is out of the ordinary.

Gestures characteristic of a person who is very nervous are usually the following: fingering foreign objects, all kinds of scratching, stroking. Moreover, very often a person changes one gesture to another, trying to hide his nervousness. But it is precisely this rapid change of non-verbal signals and variety of gestures that reveals a state of nervousness.

If you notice that your interlocutor is constantly scratching his hands or face, this may mean that he is very nervous. Itching of the whole body is a physiological involuntary reaction of the body. When we are nervous, we feel slight discomfort, which can be expressed in itching, chills, or, on the contrary, a feeling of stuffiness. A person who is in a stressful situation may have a desire to undress or dress, despite the fact that the weather does not change. You should not miss such nonverbal signals; in this case, you need to understand why the person is nervous in your presence.

A person in a state of nervousness cannot concentrate his gaze on one object for a long time, he constantly looks around, assessing the situation, looks around, looks at those around him, his gaze wanders around the space, cannot find shelter for himself. And even more so, you are unlikely to catch his eye. If he looks at you, it won't be for very long.

A person in a situation, for example, an exam or an upcoming important, but not very pleasant conversation, becomes a little inadequate and does not control himself. If he has bad habits, then in a state of stress a person begins to resort to them to relieve stress. For example, if he smokes, he may even start smoking one cigarette after another. He may bite his nails or twirl his hair on his finger - do anything to calm himself down. Bitten nails are a sign that a person is constantly nervous and cannot control himself.

Another clear signal of nervousness is a nervous tic - an involuntary reaction of the body. Due to strong internal tension, a person’s muscles first tense and then begin to contract. If you notice that your interlocutor's eyelid is twitching, this means that he is on the verge of a breakdown. It's better not to argue with him. Another involuntary reaction of our body is sweat. If a person has excessive sweating, then in a situation of stress, fear, and also lies, he will look like a runner who has run a cross-country race for two kilometers - all covered with droplets of sweat. There is also the “wet” palm syndrome: when meeting your interlocutor, you will understand that he is nervous if, after shaking his hand, you feel that his hand is wet.

Facial expressions reveal a nervous person: his face is almost always distorted by some kind of grimace, and in a state of stress, a change in facial expressions is typical. For example, if the examiner is in a positive mood and smiles in response to the words of his student, then the respondent himself breaks into a smile, but this is a nervous smile, which is associated with a desire to please. If the examiner does not look at the student at all, then the student’s face may change its color: from pale to red - this is fear and fear of failure at the same time.

A person constantly experiences some kind of emotion. Without them, he wouldn't even be able to take a step, they play so hard important role in our life. They can be different: both negative and positive. Some are able to control them, while others are constantly nervous and worried, not trying to change this behavior. But this is a completely unreasonable attitude towards yourself and your health. Because the habit of being nervous, even when there seems to be a reason for it, does not help deal with difficult situation, but only aggravates an already difficult situation. Besides this, there are many more reasons why, for your own good, you shouldn’t be nervous about whatever happens.

Why you shouldn't be nervous often

It is impossible to live life without shocks, troubles and joyful events. But if pleasant moments are worth experiencing, unpleasant ones clearly do not deserve to waste not only your time, but also your nerves.

But it’s not so easy to unlearn being constantly nervous. You can't do this without serious motivation. The fact is that changing a person’s behavior pattern is a difficult task, because it takes years to develop. And it’s very difficult to take it and change it in an instant. No one is able to change if he does not understand why it is necessary, what benefit he will receive from it, what he will be saved from and get rid of. No matter how strong his desire and conviction that it will work out, he will not find the strength to overcome all the difficulties that stand in his way. Even if in a short time he manages to develop several correct habits, such as doing exclusively what he likes, no matter how strange and scary it may sound.

Therefore, before changing your usual way of life, you need to understand, realize and remember in advance what you are saving yourself from by deciding to treat what is happening differently.

Overreacting to troubles causes a host of health problems. First of all, this deals a crushing blow to the nervous system, which often becomes the very cause of a lot of psychosomatic problems and leads to various diseases, ranging from allergies, which can become chronic and turn into eczema, and ending with vegetative-vascular dystonia, which almost untreatable. In general, there is an opinion that the impetus for the development of any disease is nervous tension. So it is impossible to predict what the next nervous shock will lead to. But obviously not good. And over the years the situation gets worse.

True, the opinion that stress is always a threat to the body is quite controversial. According to the scientist Selye, who studied the nature of stress, it is not stress itself that has a negative impact, but distress—stress that continues for quite a long time. It doesn’t matter at all whether it is caused by positive emotions or negative ones. It is very important to avoid prolonged tension. It is important to do everything to get rid of it as soon as it arises, by playing sports, listening to music, simply relaxing, or by solving the problem that gave rise to its appearance. You urgently need to distract yourself, do what you love, create an atmosphere of calm, coziness and comfort.

It is not so dangerous to experience joy or sorrow for a short period of time, so you should not try to be a person who does not react to anything at all. Breaking yourself and turning into a soulless robot can in itself cause a lot of health and mental problems.

Any experiences to which an adequate response does not immediately arise become the cause of internal worries and tension. When an annoying situation arises, it is very important to respond to it in such a way that it does not leave any negativity behind. No matter how traumatic it is, you must either accept it as a given and adjust your behavior, or do everything to fight back, get rid of what frightens, hurts, upsets, offends or irritates.

Tolerate, reconcile, or pretend that nothing happened, but in your soul continue to feel resentment, guilt, fear, a desire for revenge - this is the first step towards neurosis and a huge list of diseases that arise in neurotics. Diseases of the cardiovascular system, blood pressure, problems with the digestive tract, muscle pain - this is just a small list of what awaits those who still do not understand why one should not be nervous often.

Pregnant women should not worry, as this will negatively affect the unborn child. This not only harms his health and interferes with his full development, but can also transmit excessive anxiety to him and make him a nervous and restless child.

For healthy people, the habit of worrying rather than solving the problem that has arisen, over time, threatens with a mandatory visit to a cardiologist, therapist and neurologist, and these are just a few specialists who will have to be visited in order to return to a normal lifestyle with the help of medications, or even stay alive. Even if in this moment you do not feel any health problems and are deeply convinced that those who already suffer from hypertension, have suffered a heart attack or stroke should not be nervous, think about it, but they were healthy before, it is unlikely that these are their chronic diseases. Why did they buy them?

Why is it bad to be nervous?

In addition to the danger to health, constant tension, feelings of anxiety, prolonged worries, and an overly emotional reaction to what is happening creates additional problems to those that already exist.

When faced with unpleasant events, in a difficult situation, or offended by someone for something they did or said, people become completely immersed in their emotions. And they lose the energy and self-control necessary to accept right decisions. Instead of immediately reacting to what happened, doing as their soul tells them, they try to find the best solution to the problem, not taking into account that their reaction already suggests it. But, without listening to her, they try to act as their inner fears tell them.

When a boss is rude, few people tell him that they are uncomfortable with such attitude. On the contrary, in order to convince themselves to remain silent and not react the way they want, everyone begins to remember that they will lose their job, income, and they have a family, loans, utility bills, dreams, etc.

But they do not understand that although this may be true, and it is indeed better to remain silent rather than give a civilized rebuff, the anger remains inside. After all, you can get rid of him only by accepting as a fact that their financial security is possible only with this boss. And no longer allow his offensive behavior into your soul, realizing that he is a deeply unhappy person and his words should simply be ignored.

Similar behavior, when people do not want to fight those who, in their opinion, offend them, without taking for granted that thanks to unpleasant emotions they have the financial status that such an unpleasant job or marriage gives them, leads to the emergence of neuroses, and in advanced cases, to depression, from which it is very difficult to get out.

When a person ignores the small arsenal he has for solving emerging problems and tries to sit on two chairs at once, he dooms himself to a miserable existence. Nature has given us only two ways out. The first is to accept the situation. Don't put up with it, be patient, waiting for it to end. Namely, accept, like the sunrise and sunset, as something that exists and cannot be changed. And the second is to fight and defeat the enemy, to eliminate from life what causes negative emotions so as not to have to deal with this again or to know in advance how to react in order to minimize the consequences.

Whether you want it or not, you will have to make this choice so as not to be nervous anymore, not to experience anger, resentment, fear, irritation, anxiety, nervous tension, lack of self-confidence or self-confidence. Otherwise, emotional and professional burnout, chronic fatigue, asthenia, neuroses and, as a result, depression, which requires drug treatment under the supervision of a psychiatrist and quite possibly in a hospital.

Emotions, undoubtedly, will not disappear anywhere; they are an integral part of a person, an indicator of his attitude to what is happening to him and around him. But when a person is used to constantly experiencing negative feelings that make him nervous, he risks earning himself a whole bunch of diseases. After all, no matter how familiar it may sound, the aphorism that “All diseases come from nerves” very accurately describes the cause of the most dangerous diseases. And awareness of this should become the motivation that will allow you to become more balanced and calm, and learn to avoid irritants.

» Understand people

David Lieberman

How do you know if a person is really confident or plays the role well?

Book fragment Lieberman D. Alien soul of darkness? How to read the thoughts of any person. - M.: Peter, 2010.

How do you know who is thinking about what? How to correctly interpret words and gestures? How to attract allies and identify ill-wishers? How to make the secret obvious? These and many other burning questions will be answered not by telepathy, but by psychology. The book describes the use of specific psychological techniques in real life situations. Learn to understand people - and success will follow you relentlessly.

Self-confidence is the first necessary condition for any great endeavor.
Samuel Jackson (1709–1784)

Let's say you're sitting across from a poker player. Is he confident or scared? Is your interlocutor as calm as he wants to seem? Or your opponent's lawyer, is he really confident in the outcome of the case or is he just trying to make us all believe it? Use psychological techniques to find out how your interlocutor assesses his chances of success, whether he is confident in himself or has a good attitude.

To better understand the term “self-confidence,” let’s define its boundaries. Self confidence Quite often confused with self-esteem, but these are different concepts and this distinction is very important. Self-confidence refers to a specific situation or area of ​​activity. Self-esteem is a person's ability to like himself and feel worthy of receiving good things from life. It may well be that a person respects himself and treats himself well, but feels insecure in a particular situation or under certain circumstances. It may be the other way around.

For example, an attractive woman is confident that she can easily find someone to talk to at a bar. But at the same time, it is unknown how she perceives herself in general and how much she respects herself. A man who respects himself very much may feel like a worthless chess player, but this does not prevent him from liking himself. He will show signs of insecurity when playing chess with a superior opponent, but his self-esteem will not suffer from this.

A person's self-confidence regarding a particular situation is based on various factors: experience, previous successes or failures, the feedback we receive in response to our actions, and, of course, comparing ourselves with others. Self-esteem can affect self-confidence. Research shows that people with high levels of self-esteem feel more comfortable and confident in new situations compared to those with lower levels of self-esteem. However, the converse statement is not true. Man giving great importance feeling of self-confidence, may show signs of high self-esteem that are not supported by a true sense of self-respect, which is not always noticeable to the untrained eye. Self-esteem in to a greater extent manifests itself in what and how a person does (in the manifestation of his free will), and not in what he claims about this. It can be said that self-esteem is actually a degree of ego development.

Self-esteem and self-confidence are different mental energies, which each have their own impact on a person’s condition. Of course, it would be very interesting to trace what factors and how they can influence self-confidence, but we will leave this issue outside the scope of our consideration. We will only be interested in how confident a person is. How and why he came to this is not so important in this case. So, let's return to the main topic of our conversation and look at how exactly you can determine a person's level of confidence.

When we are nervous or stressed, our ability to concentrate is significantly reduced. Has it ever happened to you that you meet someone at a party and immediately forget their name? Such signs of distraction and inability to concentrate on what is happening are evidence that you lacked confidence at the moment.

Self-confidence assessment

Now we will take a closer look at what a confident person looks and talks like. As a result, it will immediately become clear who is confident and who is not. Depending on the situation, we can resort to one or more techniques and pay attention to certain signals.

To correctly determine a person’s level of confidence, you need to look for signs that a person is only pretending to be confident. We, of course, know what is inherent in the behavior of a confident person: a smile, eye contact, etc. However, all this is very easy to depict, so we will talk about not so obvious signs that are still noticeable.

Sign 1. Physical condition

At a moment of very strong fear, when a person feels extremely uncomfortable, you can observe two different options for his behavior: either he will become extremely absent-minded, his eyes will run from side to side, he will make a lot of chaotic movements, he will become overexcited, or he will fall into a panic. stupor, like a rabbit in front of a boa constrictor. Let's see what else can happen to a person when he experiences fear.

“Now in the heat, now in the cold.” A person's face in a situation of fear may suddenly turn very red or pale. Also pay attention to your breathing rate and increased sweating. In addition, try to notice whether the person is trying to control his breathing and calm down. Attempts to cope with this condition can be noticeable by deep breaths and loud breathing.

When we worry, we take everything literally. When we lack confidence, our brain is too busy and we cannot notice the hidden meaning of what is being said. For example, in difficult situations we do not perceive sarcastic expressions because the ability to think indirectly requires additional energy expenditure.

Difficult to swallow. In a situation of fear, it becomes difficult to swallow saliva, so you should pay attention to this too. Actors who want to portray grief or fear often use this technique to show that they are "choking" from emotion. Clearing your throat may indicate the same thing and is a sign of nervousness. Anxiety causes mucus to secrete in the throat. A speaker who is nervous will often clear his throat before starting a new sentence.

Blinking. When a person is nervous, the frequency of blinking increases. In the News of the Week newspaper for October 21, 1996, Boston College neuropsychology professor Joe Tese described his observations of the presidential debate between Bob Dole and Bill Clinton in the first round of the presidential election.

The normal human blink rate on television ranges from 31 to 50 times per minute. Bob Dohle blinked approximately 147 times per minute, that is, 3 times per second. When asked whether he thought the country had improved over the past four years, he blinked even more frequently. Clinton blinked an average of 99 times per minute, and the highest blink rate (117 times per minute) coincided with a question about the increase in drug abuse among young people. Tese also noted that, according to his observations, in five past election campaigns, the candidate with a higher blink rate lost.

Sign 2. Focus of attention

Let's imagine an athlete, musician or artist in the process of performing a number. He doesn't think about himself at all, he is completely absorbed in what he is doing. He doesn't think about the pain in his body. His task completely absorbed his attention. For example, a basketball player who wants to hit the basket. Extraneous things do not exist for him at the moment. He is absorbed in the goal and does not think about himself. He is not aware of himself and does not feel himself; his intention is in the foreground. If a person begins to pay attention to himself, his self-awareness distracts him from what he is doing. At each moment of time, attention is divided between what is happening around and the perception of oneself.

A self-confident person is able to devote his full attention to an object and allow his “I” to disappear. A person who is nervous constantly monitors himself because he is anxious and afraid of losing control over himself. The only thing that can help him is attention to his own actions. He literally watches his every step, what he does and says. What we usually do automatically, such as folding our arms or choosing a pose, becomes a subject of attention and control. All his actions become conscious. Imagine what kind of attention resource this requires. It simply may not be enough for what a person is trying to do. This way you can recognize that a person lacks confidence.

During an interrogation, meeting or date, a person wants to smoke. If he is calm, confident and feels that the situation is under control, he does not need to monitor the movements of his hand at all. And if a person doubts that he can perform this habitual action automatically, looks at his hand, at the cigarette, then it becomes clear that in this situation he feels insecure.

Let's continue to look at the psychological mechanisms of self-confidence. When a person masters any type of activity, he goes through four stages: unconscious incompetence when a person does not realize that he cannot perform an action properly; willful incompetence when a person realizes that he lacks the proper skills and abilities to be effective and successful; conscious competence when a person understands that he can act quite successfully, but for this he needs to constantly control his actions, unconscious competence when a person can perform the right actions and this does not require his full or even partial attention.

Let's consider an example: a person who masters a gearbox while driving a car. This example illustrates all four stages well. Actions that at first seem completely incomprehensible eventually become an automatic skill.

The second, third and fourth stages give us an idea of ​​what is happening to a person's competence and self-confidence. (We don’t take the first stage into account, since the person doesn’t even understand what he should do.)

You are talking with a colleague. Suddenly you notice her picking up a can of lemonade. She looks at her hand as it brings the jar to her mouth, then watches the reverse movements of the hand. Your colleague is nervous and therefore unsure that she can do what she has done a thousand times without close attention - take a sip of lemonade. A distinctive feature of uncertainty is the transition from unconscious to conscious competence, that is, attention to habitual automatic actions increases.

If you know what to watch for, confidence or lack thereof is easy to spot. Just pay attention to whether the person is focused on himself and his actions. Consider the following example.

A lonely man walks into a bar, hoping to meet a woman there. If he considers himself attractive and confident, he will consider women at the bar. If he is not sure of his attractiveness, he will be most worried about how they perceive him. In other words, the focus of his attention shifts depending on the degree of his self-confidence. Lack of self-confidence leads to the fact that a person begins to consciously control the simplest actions. At the same time, movements become clumsy and mechanical, and attention is focused on the impression he makes on others.

We often encounter this from our own experience. For example, when a person is confident in what he is talking about, his main task is to convey the meaning of what he said to the audience and he cares little about how he looks. When we are interested in getting things done, we first want to be sure that others understand us correctly. If we ourselves are not confident enough, we pay attention to our words and actions and think about how they will be perceived. We watch our every word and movement.

Additional Features: Perception Management

When a person is nervous, but does not want to show it, he can use what is called management of perception, presenting a certain image to others in order to achieve the desired result. Above we discussed what you need to pay attention to in order to understand whether a person feels confident or not. Now we'll look at something else. We'll be looking for signs that he's trying portray confidence. We know that trying to feign confidence is not confidence. If he wants to fool you by hiding those signs of insecurity we discussed above, you will catch him if you know what a person who is bluffing looks like.

Sign 1. Overcompensation

A person who wants to influence the perception of others overacts and tries beyond measure to appear confident. If you look for this sign, you will see it quite clearly. Things like this always catch your eye. Remember, a confident person is not interested in how they are perceived. He is not concerned with his image, while someone who is involved in managing perceptions tries his best to impress others.

The card player has made a large bet and continues to raise it. Does he really have good cards? If he is bluffing, he will try to appear confident. He will bet his money quickly. But if he really had good cards, what would he do? He would have thought a little, would not have rushed to place a bet, showing that he was not so confident in his cards. Mike Caro, a well-known authority on poker strategy, mentioned such points in his book Poker Tells (2003). Such things are quite human nature: Someone who is bluffing should look confident, and someone who has a really good chance of winning will pretend to have a weak card.

Whether it's a poker game or real life, if a person wants to manipulate, he will always try to give an impression that is the opposite of what he really is. In this example, the one who is bluffing will feign confidence and bet the money quickly. And the one who has a good card will wait some time to show that he is thinking about what to do.

This principle applies in any situation. If someone reacts too quickly and without thinking, they want to demonstrate that they are confident, although in most cases they are not. On the contrary, a confident person does not need to prove it to anyone. Anyone who wants to look confident or otherwise will diligently portray this state and it will always be a little over the edge.

Law enforcement officials note that a person who is lying (and therefore insecure) often seeks to show interest in cooperation. When asked the simplest question, he feigns intense thought. In this way he is trying to prove that he wants to be useful to the investigation.

Another manifestation of overcompensation may be a person’s desire to show his psychological superiority.

The man walked the girl to the door of her house, and she said to him: “It’s late, and I’m going to go to bed.” If he likes her but lacks confidence, he'll think it's a ploy to get rid of him. He may answer something like: “I’m tired too. I wasn't going to stay anyway." This is his way of trying not to seem discouraged. If he simply says, “Of course you are tired,” this means that he is not trying to control perception by explaining something that is not being asked about.

Sign 2. Unnecessary gestures

Any unnecessary gestures in a serious situation show that a person wants to appear calm and confident. For example, law enforcement officers know that a suspect may yawn to convey complete calm and even boredom. If a person is sitting, he can slouch or stretch, showing complete comfort. Or he may pretend that he is absorbed in some nonsense, such as shaking off specks of dust from his clothes, and therefore nothing bothers him. The only problem is that the one who is unfairly accused will rather show understandable indignation and will not pay attention to the little things or to the “correct” image.

An investigator meets with the parents of a girl who may have been kidnapped. The father tells him that maybe the girl is already dead. After a while he takes a cup of coffee. If, in addition, he says: “I am so grateful to you, I just need this after a hard day,” he is clearly trying to control perception and trying to seem polite and delicate, which raises serious doubts about the reliability of this whole story.

Another example of deliberate behavior is an attempt to demonstrate differences. A person suddenly suddenly changes his usual behavior, although there is no reason for this. In this case, he is also trying to portray something that actually does not exist.

A real estate agent meets his potential client on a Sunday morning. The client is dressed in a suit and tie, has his cell phone, and is waiting for an “important” call. He has no money.

Technique. We create a threat situation

If we are not confident enough in ourselves, then threatening situation signs of anxiety will become more obvious. When a person is surrounded by people who he thinks are better looking in every way than himself, his self-confidence decreases. This is always true, even if there is no reason to worry.

If we provide a person with information that may cause them concern, we can accurately assess how comfortable they feel in the situation. If there are changes in behavior - for example, he becomes aggressive, rude, inattentive or shows signs of nervousness, then he feels insecure here.

The investigator questions the suspect, and the suspect appears confident. It is unknown whether he is guilty or not, but his alibi is ironclad. Then the investigator informs the suspect that another witness is about to come and everything will immediately become clear. The suspect will remain calm if he thinks he has nothing to fear, or he will become irritable and restless if he is unsure of himself.

© Lieberman D. Alien soul of darkness? How to read the thoughts of any person. - M.: Peter, 2010.
© Published with permission from the publisher