In one of the diaries of darshans (Osho's meetings with students), there was a capacious text about the inner child and the reasons for possessiveness in a relationship:
A sannyasin says there is a lot of jealousy and possessiveness in a relationship. It seems to be strongly associated with a lot of patterns from the past, the mind constantly clings to them.
OSHO: “These are childish patterns that remain in your mind. Very rarely do people reach maturity. The child continues to sit there inside. You need to say goodbye to this child - only then will you become mature.
There is a basic reason for this: every child understands in his childhood that he only needs to demand and all his demands will be fulfilled. And they are fulfilled because otherwise he cannot survive. He has no responsibility to give something - he simply receives. And because of this, a very wrong pattern is reinforced within. The child simply takes and there is no question of giving. He becomes very manipulative, he becomes very political: he knows how to manipulate his mother and father and the whole family.
If he needs something, he cries, creates anxiety, creates such a hell that they have to give in, and sometimes, if it helps, the child smiles. But these are all strategic, political tricks. The whole task is to dominate, to be the owner. And the child wants to be a dictator – every child wants to be a dictator. When he needs her, his mother must immediately run to him - he cannot wait. And all these things have to be done because the child is helpless. This helplessness becomes his strategy and he never learns how to give.
Only people who know how to give are not endowed with possessiveness. Remember this. People who only know how to receive cannot but have possessiveness, because - who knows? If someone else takes possession of the mother, what then? So there are no children who enjoy the birth of another child. He hates it - the very idea repels him - because it means separation, it means that the mother cannot be available only to him alone. Every child wants to kill a new child, has ideas about murder, and this child is in everyone.
We become mature physically; psychologically we remain immature. So on the surface we are portraying adults, and no one is. This is one of the basic problems - that everyone pretends that he/she is an adult, and no one is an adult. So it's just a surface, just a facade, no deeper than the skin. Pick a little more and a child and emotional explosions appear. The child wants to possess and dominate and is always afraid that someone else will take his woman, take her man – what then? And you are in need, you are hungry.
So you need to be absolutely sure that your woman never talks to anyone, never laughs with anyone, never loves anyone. You create a prison around it - a very tricky prison - and you are constantly on guard. How can love happen then? You follow her, she watches you, both of you against each other. Afraid, insecure. How can love rise out of suspicion, out of doubt? Each one is like a policeman to the other: every detail must be known - what you did, where you were, who you were with, what you talked about. How is love possible here?
Love is a fragile phenomenon. It is impossible to grow in such hard soil, and it never grows. And because it doesn't grow, you want it even more. The more hungry you are, the more possessive you become. You only know one way. So you say you love a woman, but those are just words. If you find out that she was laughing with someone else and was happier than ever with you, you will kill her. But you say you love her!
Your love can turn into hate at any moment. Love is only on the surface - deep down lies hatred. Your so-called lovers all hate each other, but because of their need, they go on pretending. They are afraid - a woman can leave, and then they will become lonely. And this loneliness is scary. You will lose your identity - who you are - and then what to do? You will feel like a child lost in a supermarket who cannot find his mother. Or you will be like a dog lost in a parade and running around looking for its owner, not knowing where to go. Who will take her home?
Until that needy love is cast aside and a totally new love rises up in you - a love that knows how to give, a love that enjoys giving. Not the love of a child, but the love of a mature person - you will remain possessive in the relationship. You will go on turning the other into a thing, you will degrade the other into a thing, and when you reduce the other to the status of a thing, the other does the same.
So-called love stories are very similar to enmity. This is not love - not friendship, not at all. Each is just trying to exploit the other. It is a mutual agreement of mutual exploitation: “I will exploit you, so I will have to let you exploit me.”
Love can be defined... in China there is an old definition - this is: "Scratch the back of another, so that he scratches your back." Nothing else. It's hard to scratch your back, so having someone else scratch your back in exchange for you scratching it is a mutual agreement, but not much value.
If you really want to drop possessiveness - and you have to drop possessiveness, otherwise you will live in unhappiness - then you need to understand that there is this child inside and that you have not grown psychologically. This child must be fully brought into consciousness. It works through the unconscious – it has to be brought into awareness, into full light. You need to see him and his ugliness. In this absolute clarity, you need to say goodbye to this child. He is your problem.
Jesus says, "Until you become like children, you will not enter the kingdom of God." And he's right. You can create another saying: “Unless you are infantile and like a child, you will not enter the Hell Realm.” Being like children is one thing, but being childish is the opposite. And people are infantile, but on the surface they try to be bold and brave and be heroes. Only on the surface all this machismo. But behind a thin layer of surface hides Small child whose crib is cheese. His mother is not around and he does not know what to do. Or a child who is hungry and lusts for breasts, but there is no breast...he is helpless.
You will have to bring this whole state of mind into clear light. Awareness transforms. Pay attention to it - pull it out, meditate on it. It's not just possessiveness: there is a child behind the possessiveness. It's not just jealousy: there is a child behind the jealousy. Because a mature person is never jealous - and cannot be jealous. Why should he be jealous?
Nobody has to love you. Nobody is responsible for making you happy. A mature person understands this - these are bare facts, bare basics: “No one is responsible for making me happy - it is my own business to be happy or unhappy. No one can make me unhappy or happy and no one is responsible for that, so why be jealous? Why should I be jealous? How can I force another to be responsible or guilty? The other person is free.”
If the other decides to be with you and love you from freedom, be grateful. If she leaves, then that's okay. If you're sad, that's your business. This does not apply to her. From freedom we meet and from freedom we must stay together. And if separation comes from freedom, then it happens. This must be accepted. A mature person accepts life with all its thorns and all its colors.
And he never makes another feel guilty. These are ways to make the other feel guilty: “You make me unhappy because you talked to that man and you looked so happy. It makes me unhappy.” It doesn't make you unhappy - it has nothing to do with your happiness. It is your infantility, your immature demands, unhealthy demands, pathological demands that make you unhappy.
So be more alert to your inner child. Meditate more on this. Every day for at least one hour, sit in silence and watch this child, his methods, how he functions, the whole mechanism. And do not judge, do not hang labels, insults. Don't judge him, because that won't help. This is again infantile. Just watch without judgment, without judgment, just watch. Let this child speak out loud. Look how it functions, how it works, how this mechanism worked inside you. And just watch and you will be surprised: something has begun to change. Seeing the stupidity of all this, you begin to change. It will happen.
That's my job here, to make you mature, so mature that you don't need any more love. You give, and if something comes back, that's another thing, but that wasn't the main motivation for giving. Giving love for love's sake is maturity. Much will come back, thousands of times more will come back, but that is another matter. It's not something to think about, and it's not part of your desire. It happens on its own. But you enjoyed giving. Then there is no jealousy.
If you are in need, you will be zealous, and the child is in need. He goes on clinging to the skirt, continues to look for the figures of mother and father and clings to them, continues to demand, as if the whole world existed for the fulfillment of your desires! The child sees himself at the center of all existence. This is silly. We are not centers, no one is the center of the whole.
Just watch it, meditate on the child. He will leave, he must leave. It creates unhappiness and nothing else, so why cling to it? But it can only go if you are fully aware of it.
This is the alchemy of awareness
The note originally appeared here: OSHO: ON JEALYAbout Jealousy
Jealousy is one of the most common forms of psychological ignorance - about oneself, about other people and, in particular, about human relationships. People think they know what love is, but they don't. And their erroneous ideas about love breed jealousy.
By the word "love" people mean a kind of monopoly, a kind of property right - but they do not take into account one fact of life: the moment you make a living being your property, you kill it.
Life cannot be property.
It cannot be squeezed in a fist.
If you want it to be with you, you need to open your palms.
What makes you jealous?
Jealousy itself is not the root.
You love a woman, you love a man; you want to possess a woman or a man simply out of fear that tomorrow this person will not go to someone else. Fear of tomorrow destroys your day today - and this is a vicious cycle.
If you start ruining your every day because of fear of tomorrow, sooner or later your man will go looking for another woman or your woman will go looking for another man - because she can no longer tolerate you.
And when he starts looking for another woman or she starts looking for another man, you will come to the conclusion that your jealousy was justified. In fact, this whole situation is generated precisely by your jealousy.
Jealousy and envy are comparisons. We have been taught to compare. Our upbringing was designed to make us compare - always compare. Somebody has a nicer house, somebody has a nicer body, somebody has more money, somebody is more charming. Compare, constantly compare yourself with everyone you meet, and as a result you will be completely possessed by jealousy and envy. It's a by-product of your habit of comparison.
If you stop comparing, jealousy and envy will disappear. Then you will simply know that you are you. You cannot be someone else, and there is no need for that.
Don't worry about tomorrow. Today is enough. Someone loves you... let it be a day of joy, a day of celebration. Be so full of love today that your very fullness and your love will keep a person close to you. Your jealousy will drive away your loved one, only love can keep him. His jealousy will drive you away, only love can keep you.
Don't think about tomorrow. The moment you start thinking about tomorrow, life in today becomes half-hearted. Just live today and leave tomorrow alone, it will come in its own way. And remember one thing: if today has brought you such a wonderful experience, such bliss ... and tomorrow is born from today,
Why then worry about it.
OSHO. From the book On Perception.
You love a person, at least you think you love... If you really love, then jealousy is not possible. If you know that this person loves someone else, you will be happy: you love this person and he is happy with someone else; and all you want is to make that person happy. You won't be jealous; vice versa, you will be grateful to the person who made your lover or beloved happy. You will feel great friendliness.
But this is true love, which rarely happens. What exists in the name of love is just an idea. You "love" a person means that you own that person. You "love" a person means that he cannot love anyone else. If he loves someone else, he insults you; he confirms that you are inferior to him, that there are people better, more loving than you. It hurts the ego, it hurts your sense of ownership, it undermines your idea of monopoly.
And at the bottom of it is cowardice, because you are not trying to openly face the fact of your love. The question is not that the one you love loves someone else; The question is, do you love this person? And you do not have the courage to look at this question. And that is the real question that needs to be answered.
If you love a person, then nothing matters.
Love gives freedom
Love allows him to do whatever he wants to do. Everything that brings him bliss is his choice.
If you love a person, then you don't interfere in his personal life. You leave his personal life alone. You are not trying to encroach on his inner being. You don't want him reporting where he was or why he came late at night. This is fundamentally wrong.
This is his life: where he goes, whether he comes late or not... You love this person for who he is, and he is exactly that. And you never try to interfere in his personal life. You don't open his letters; don't check his pockets, his diary and phone numbers. You are not trying to catch him. It's all disgusting.
You must see for yourself.
If you don't look, then it is cowardice.
And to hide it, you make scenes of jealousy, but you completely forget that this is just your cowardice. In fact, it was necessary to clearly understand whether it was the idea of \u200b\u200blove for this person, or whether it was real. Reality has no problem; only ideas are disturbing because they are imaginary. There is so much trash underneath that these ideas can't help you. Any little thing can be cause for concern.
I cannot imagine that if two people really love each other, they will quarrel for any reason, that they will try to impose some ideas on the other for no reason, that they will try to forbid the other person from doing anything.
The basic requirement based on love is: "I accept the other person for who they are."And love never tries to change a person according to the other's own ideas. You are not trying to limit a person here or there and adjust it to you, which is happening all over the world.
People who think they love are constantly harassing each other trying to fit the desired image. They want the other person to be just a puppet with the strings in their hands. And the other does the same: he wants you to be a doll, and the strings are in his hands. Now it will be constant conflict, torment and pain.
And then we begin to wonder: why do poets praise love so much? because nothing seems to be happening. Love is only in poetry.
The truth is that most poets have never loved. They are in love with the idea of love, which is why they create so many beautiful poems and novels. Or maybe they loved, but their love was so unhappy, and as a consolation they create a complete opposite in their poetry. For example, Leo Tolstoy's wife tormented him all his life, until the very end. On the last day, she brought him to such a state that he left home at night and went to the station, where he died on a bench. He was a count, possessed huge property and land, but he lived like a beggar. The wife controlled everything.
She wouldn't even let him have a friend, a male friend. She was so jealous that she would not allow him to read and write in her presence. He had to go out into the garden or into the fields to write; all his works were created outside the home. Her jealousy was so strong... “When I'm around, your romance is more interesting to you. It offends me!"
And this man wrote such beautiful books and wrote about love so beautifully that if you did not know about his life, you would not be able to believe how this is possible. This is compensation. He lacked this in his life; he expressed it in novels: in novels he imagined what kind of life he would like to have, just to forget about his life, its ugliness.
So, poets either never loved, and did not know the agony of love; or, if they loved, they knew agony, but they wanted to know ecstasy. Therefore, in their poetry you can find the ecstasy of love. But the truth is that the whole world is being tortured in vain.
Yes it is cowardice keeps you in torment. Just look at the facts whether you love this person or not. If you love, then there are no conditions in it. If you don't love, then who are you to set conditions?
In any case, it's clear. If you love, then there is no question of conditions: You love him the way he is. If you don't love, then there is no problem either: he is nobody to you; there is no question of setting conditions. He can do whatever he wants.
But you have to look at your feelings very sincerely and honestly. And this meeting directly with your feelings will immediately show you the way.
Life is not complicated - we make it so because we are cowards: we do not see what we know is.
It's always easy to face reality
And that makes you innocent; and there are no unnecessary complications. Otherwise, you go on living in dreams that you love, that you can die for another person.
You can't even see the other person for a minute when they're happy with someone - and you think you can die for the other person!
Just try to see what really worries you in this person - and jealousy will disappear. In most cases, love disappears with jealousy. But that is good, otherwise what is the point of having a love that is full of jealousy, which is not really love?
If jealousy disappears, but love still remains, then there is something essential in your life that is worth having. »
Don't expect perfection, and don't ask or demand it. Love ordinary people. There is nothing wrong with ordinary people. Ordinary people are extraordinary. Every person is so unique. Respect this uniqueness. Osho.
Reasons are within ourselves, outside are just excuses... Osho
Stop thinking about how to get love and start giving. By giving, you receive. There is no other way... Osho
Only occasionally, very rarely, do you allow someone to enter you. That is what love is. Osho.
Everything that is experienced can be stepped over; what is suppressed cannot be overcome. Osho.
When you think you are deceiving others, you are only deceiving yourself. Osho.
I don't have any biography. And everything that is considered a biography is absolutely meaningless. When I was born, in what country I was born - it does not matter. Osho.
The only person on earth we have the power to change is ourselves Osho.
The greatest fear in the world is fear of the opinions of others. The moment you are not afraid of the crowd, you are no longer a sheep, you become a lion. A great roar resounds in your heart - the roar of freedom. Osho.
Learn to laugh more. Laughter is as sacred as prayer. Your laughter will open a thousand and one roses in you. Osho.
Make life around you beautiful. And let every person feel that meeting with you is a gift. Osho.
Get out of your head and into your heart. Think less and feel more. Do not get attached to thoughts, immerse yourself in sensations... Then your heart will come to life. Osho
Suffering is the result of taking life seriously; bliss is the result of the game. Take life as a game, enjoy it. Osho.
In this very moment, you can drop all problems because they are all created by you. Osho.
To fall is a part of Life, to rise to one's feet is its Living. Being Alive is a Gift, and being Happy is your CHOICE. Osho.
If you don't change right now, you will never change. No need for endless promises. You either change or you don't, but be honest. Osho.
If you have lied once, then you will be forced to lie a thousand and one times to cover up the first lie. Osho.
Bliss is the only criterion for life. If you do not feel that life is bliss, then know that you are going in the wrong direction. Osho.
Until you can say "no", your "yes" will not make any sense. Osho
Inside every old person there is a young person wondering what happened. Osho.
A woman in love with you can inspire you to such heights that you never even dreamed of. And she asks for nothing in return. She just needs love. And this is her natural right. Osho.
To die for anyone, for anything, is the easiest thing in the world. Living for anything is the hardest thing. Osho.
What's wrong with someone laughing for no reason? Why do you need a reason to laugh? A reason is needed to be unhappy; you don't need a reason to be happy. Osho.
Don't run from yourself, you can't be anyone else. Osho.
If you are calm, the whole world becomes calm for you. It's like a reflection. Everything that you are is fully reflected. Everyone becomes a mirror. Osho.
When you are sick, call a doctor. But most importantly, call those who love you, because there is no medicine more important than love. Osho.
No one has to follow anyone, everyone has to go into their own soul. Osho.
The head is always thinking about how to get more; the heart always feels like giving more. Osho.
If you can wait forever, you don't have to wait at all. Osho.
Any borrowed truth is a lie. Until it is experienced by yourself, it is never true. Osho.
Love is patient, everything else is impatient. Passion is impatient; love is patient. Once you understand that patience means love, you understand everything. Osho.
People believe in the immortality of the soul, not because they know, but because they are afraid. The more cowardly a person is, the more likely it is that he believes in the immortality of the soul - not because he is religious; he's just a coward. Osho.
Don't teach others, don't try to change them. It is enough that you change yourself - this will be your message. Osho.
Just watch why you create a problem. The solution to the problem is at the very beginning, when you first create it - don't create it! You don't have any problems - just understand that.
Before knocking on the right door, a person knocks on thousands of wrong doors. Osho.
The most inhuman act that a person can commit is to turn someone into a thing. Osho.
Miracles happen every moment. Nothing else happens. Osho.
The child comes clean, nothing is written on it; there is no indication of who he should be - all dimensions are open to him. And the first thing to understand is that a child is not a thing, a child is a being. Osho
Sin is when you don't enjoy life. Osho.
Don't take life as a problem, it's a mystery of amazing beauty. Drink from it, it's pure wine! Be full of it! Osho.
Without you, this universe will lose some poetry, some beauty: there will be a lack of song, there will be a lack of notes, there will be an empty gap. Osho.
What difference does it make who is stronger, who is smarter, who is more beautiful, who is richer? After all, in the end, it only matters whether you are a happy person or not? Osho.
If you can't say "No", your "Yes" is worthless too. Osho.
What does it essentially mean to be a man or a woman?
The difference between a man and a woman is more psychological than physiological. A person can be a man on physiological grounds, and not be such on psychological grounds - and vice versa. There are aggressive women - unfortunately, their number is increasing in the world - very aggressive women. The entire feminist movement is based on the aggressiveness of such women. An aggressive woman is unfeminine.
Jeanne D "Arc is not a woman at all, but Jesus Christ is a woman. Psychologically, Jeanne D" Arc is a man, her actions are mostly aggressive. Jesus Christ is not aggressive at all. He says: "If you are hit on the cheek, turn the other one." This is an example of psychological non-aggression. Jesus says, "Resist not evil." Even evil cannot be resisted! Non-resistance is the essence of the feminine...
Science is masculine and religion is feminine. Science tries to conquer nature, while religion dissolves into it. A woman knows what softness is, knows how to find the way to unity. Every seeker of truth must know how to dissolve into nature, how to become one with it, how to go with the flow, without resistance, without struggle... As you become meditative, your energies become non-aggressive. Your rigidity disappears, giving way to love. You are no longer interested in commanding others, instead you are more and more drawn to the art of giving in. That's what makes female psychology feminine.
In order to understand women's psychology, you need to understand the psychology of religiosity. But even an attempt to understand woman has not yet been made; Until now, psychology has dealt only with the study of men. That's why scientists study rats, and with the help of rats they draw conclusions about men.
If you want to study the psychology of women, the best place to start is with the mystics, for the mystic is the perfect example. Then you will know about Basho, Rinzai, Buddha, Jesus, Lao Tzu. You will have to study these people, because only through them will you be able to understand the very essence of female psychology, to comprehend its depth.
What is the difference between female and male psychology?
modern science did very important discovery, one of the most important in this century: it lies in the fact that a person does not have one mind, but two. The human mind is divided into two hemispheres: right and left. The right hemisphere is connected with the left hand, and the left - with the right, diagonally.
The right hemisphere is responsible for intuition, for everything irrational, illogical, poetic, platonic, imaginary, romantic, mysterious, religious. The left hemisphere is responsible for everything logical, rational, mathematical, scientific, intellectual.
These two hemispheres are constantly in conflict. The main politics of the world is within you, the greatest politics of the world is within you. You may not be aware of this, but when you realize it, you will first of all seek a middle position between these hemispheres.
The left hand is associated with the right hemisphere: intuition, imagination, mysticism, poetry, religion; and this left hand is often condemned. The society is for right-handers, and the right hand is connected to the left hemisphere. Ten percent of children are born left-handed, and they are forcibly retrained to become right-handed. Left-handed children are basically irrational, intuitive, uncalculative... they are a danger to society, so it tries in every possible way to make them right-handed. The question is not only in the hand, it is a question domestic policy: A left-handed child is guided by the right hemisphere, which is contrary to the interests of society, it is dangerous, and the child needs to be retrained before things go too far.
There are suggestions that at first the proportion was fifty to fifty, that is, fifty percent of left-handers and fifty percent of right-handers were born. However, the right-handers have been in power for so long that gradually the proportion has reached ninety percent to ten. Even among you, many may be left-handed, you just don't know it. You write right hand, you do the work with your right hand, but perhaps in childhood you were forcibly taught to be right-handed. This is a trick, because when you become right-handed, you begin to actively use the left hemisphere. The left hemisphere is responsible for logic, and the right hemisphere goes beyond the logical, its functioning cannot be calculated. It functions in flashes, intuitively, very gracefully, but irrationally.
The left-handed minority is the most oppressed minority in the world, more oppressed than blacks, more oppressed than beggars. If this division is realized, then much will become apparent. Take, for example, the bourgeoisie and the proletariat: the proletariat is always guided by the right hemisphere of the brain; poor people have better intuition. Talk to ordinary people and you will see that they are more intuitive. The poorer a person, the lower his level of intelligence, and this may be the reason for his poverty. An undeveloped intellect does not allow him to compete successfully in the world of reason. It is not easy for him to clearly express his thoughts, solve logical problems, make calculations - he is almost a fool. This may be the reason for his poverty. A rich person uses the left hemisphere; he is more prudent, cunning, smart, logical, he makes plans. This may be the reason for his wealth.
All of the above is fully consistent with the division into men and women. Women use the right hemisphere, while men use the left. Men have led women for centuries. Today, some women are against it, but the most amazing thing is that it is still the same type of woman. In essence, they resemble men: rational, argumentative, calculating. It is likely that one day, like the victorious revolutions in Russia and China, somewhere in America, women will replace men in power. By the time the women are victorious, they will no longer be women; they will use the left hemisphere. In order to fight, you need to be able to make calculations, and in order to fight with men, you need to be as aggressive as they are. It is this aggressiveness that can be seen in the global women's liberation movement.
Women who join the feminist movement become very aggressive, they lose their grace, all that is born from intuition. To fight men, you need to learn their own tricks; to fight men, you need to use the same techniques. Fighting anyone is dangerous because you become like your enemy. This is one of the biggest problems of mankind. When you enter into a fight with someone, you have to use similar methods of struggle, similar tactics. This is the only way to defeat the enemy, but by the time he is defeated, you will become your own enemy ... Only the surface details change, deep inside the conflict remains.
The conflict is within the person. Until it is resolved there, it will not be resolved anywhere. His solution is within you, it is between the two hemispheres of the brain.
There is a very small bridge. If it collapses due to some accident, a physiological defect, or for some other reason, then the human consciousness splits into two, the person's personality splits - this is the so-called schizophrenia, or split personality. If the bridge collapses - and it is very fragile - and bifurcation sets in, you begin to behave as if two people have settled in you. In the morning you are very loving, very beautiful, and in the evening you are angry, a completely different person. You don't remember your morning... how can you remember it? Then another mind functioned, and the person was different. If this bridge is strengthened so much that the two minds cease to be separate and merge into one, then there is an integration, a crystallization. What George Gurdjieff called the "crystallization of personality" is nothing but the merging of two minds into one, the inner meeting of man and woman, the meeting Jan and yin, the meeting of the left and the right, the meeting of the logical and the irrational, the meeting of Aristotle and Plato.
If you realize this basic bifurcation, then the nature of all conflicts raging outside and inside you will become clear. The feminine mind has grace, while the masculine mind has efficiency. If there is a constant struggle between them, then sooner or later the elegance will be destroyed, and the efficient mind will win, for the world recognizes the laws of mathematics, not love. As soon as your elegance gives way to efficiency, you immediately lose something very valuable: you lose contact with your essence. You can achieve great efficiency, but you will no longer be a living person. You will become a machine, a robot.
For this reason, there is a constant conflict between a man and a woman. They cannot live separately from each other, they need to come into contact with each other again and again, but they cannot remain together either. The fight is not outside, the fight is inside. My understanding is that until you resolve the conflict between the right and left hemisphere, you will never be able to love - never, because the internal struggle will be reflected outside. If there is a struggle going on inside you, and you identify with the left hemisphere responsible for logical development, if you constantly try to suppress the right hemisphere, you will transfer the same thing to the woman you love. If a woman is constantly fighting with her essence inside, then she will constantly be in conflict with the man she loves.
All, almost all family relations are ugly, because the exceptions are so insignificant that they can be ignored. In the beginning everything is fine, in the beginning you hide the reality, you pretend. As soon as family relationships are established and you relax, internal conflict begins to boil up and mirrors on the family. Quarrels begin, thousands of dissatisfaction with each other begins to appear, which destroy the family. Hence the attraction of homosexuality.
As soon as the division into men and women becomes too obvious in a society, homosexuality immediately arises. This is because there is at least less conflict between men in love with each other. Love relationships may not be very satisfying, may not lead to bliss and orgasm, but at least they are not as ugly as the relationship between a man and a woman. When the conflict goes too far, women become lesbians. At least love relationships between women are not overshadowed by such a deep crisis. Like meets like, it is easier for them to understand each other. Yes, understanding is possible, but the attraction disappears, there is no polarity; there is a huge price to pay for such an understanding. Understanding is possible, but the general tension, interest disappears. Choosing interest, you will not avoid conflict, because the real problem is somewhere inside you. Until you achieve spiritual balance, complete harmony between the female part and the male part of your mind, you will not be able to love...
This is the main difficulty of the modern mind: gradually all relationships become accidental. People are afraid to make commitments because they have learned at least one lesson from their bitter experience. As soon as you associate yourself with someone in a close relationship, reality begins to explode, your internal conflict begins to be reflected in a person close to you; and then life becomes ugly, nightmarish, unbearable...
Externally family life it may seem like a beautiful oasis, but as soon as you get close to it, the oasis starts to evaporate, it disappears. By tying the knot, you enter a spiritual prison, but remember, this prison does not come from a partner, it comes from yourself.
If a person is dominated by the left hemisphere, then his life will be very successful, so successful that by the age of forty he will suffer from a peptic ulcer. By forty-five he will have one or two heart attacks. By the age of fifty, he will be almost dead, but it will be a successful death. He may become a great scientist, but he will never become a real man. He can accumulate a lot of wealth, but at the same time he will lose true values. He can conquer the whole world, like Alexander the Great, but his own inner territory will remain unexplored.
There are many temptations to follow the aspirations of the left hemisphere, that is, the mundane mind. He is focused on material values: cars, money, houses, power, prestige. The consumer-oriented person in India is called sadness, or homeowner.
The developed right hemisphere of the brain is distinguishing feature sannyasin who is more interested in knowing his inner world, in inner peace, inner bliss, and is less concerned with commodities. If they are easy to get - good, if they are not at all - also not bad. He is more interested in the present moment and less in the future; he is more interested in the poetry of life, and least of all in its arithmetic...
You can go through life with arithmetic, or you can go the other way: with a dream, with a dream and visions. They are completely different from each other. Just yesterday someone asked, "Are there ghosts, fairies, and the like?" Yes, they exist - if you are guided by the right hemisphere of the brain, then they exist. If the left hemisphere dominates, then they are not.
All children live on the right side of the brain. They see ghosts and fairies everywhere, but you keep pointing them in the right direction, putting them in their place, saying, "Nonsense, silly. Where did you see a ghost? There's nothing there, it's just a shadow." Gradually you manage to convince the little one, the defenseless child. Gradually you convince him, and he begins to develop the left hemisphere to the detriment of the right; he is forced. He must live in your world. He has to forget his dreams, all the myths, he has to forget poetry, he has to learn mathematics. Without a doubt, he will succeed in mathematics and become almost an invalid, paralyzed in this life. His real essence is gradually removed further and further, and he turns into a commodity on the market, his whole life becomes worthless ... although in the eyes of society it will undoubtedly be valuable.
Sannyasin- this is the one who lives by his imagination, who lives thanks to the ability of the mind to dream, who lives thanks to poetry, who praises life, who does not just look, but sees. He sees the trees greener than you, the birds more beautiful; for him everything around sparkles, glows. Ordinary cobblestones turn into diamonds, ordinary stones cease to be ordinary, because there is nothing ordinary in life. If you look at life with the help of the right hemisphere, then everything becomes divine, sacred. Religiosity comes from the right hemisphere.
Two friends are drinking tea in a cafe. One began to examine his cup, and then with a sigh said:
You know, life is like a cup of tea.
His friend thought for a moment and asked:
Why? Why is life like a cup of tea?
How do I know? What am I, a philosopher? - answered the first.
The right hemisphere of the brain only states the facts, it cannot explain them. You ask: "Why?", but it cannot give you an answer, remaining silent. Imagine that on a walk you see a lotus flower. "How beautiful he is!" you exclaim. "Why?" someone asks you. You answer: "How do I know? Am I a philosopher?" This is a simple statement, very simple; but in itself it is complete, complete. There is no explanation behind it, it does not carry the result of anything, it is just a statement of fact ... The right hemisphere is the hemisphere of poetry and love. The time has come for change, and this change is an inner transformation.
(Ancient Music in the Pines)
Could you continue the story about the qualities of the female mind?
The same thing happens with the male mind: the male mind has a positive quality, which manifests itself in curiosity, in search, while the negative quality is its eternal doubt. Can you be a seeker and not give in to doubt? Then your trait is positivism. But you can also doubt and not pursue the truth, but just sit and doubt.
Another positive quality of a man: he is looking for peace; but he does not find it, and this is his negative quality. You can't identify with nervousness just because a man is restless. You can use your anxiety as a springboard to find a relaxing respite. Do you have energy, desire to act? You can use this itch to do nothing, to immerse yourself in meditation.
Negative traits need to be put to the service of positive ones, and everyone has both. When a positive quality manifests in you, there will always be a negative one. If too much attention is paid to the negative quality, then nothing will be achieved; pay more attention to everything positive, and you will succeed.
Both men and women need to achieve this. Then the most beautiful time in the world will come. The time of the indivisible, single person will come, the time of union, the inner Cosmos; a symphony will sound, where all the notes work harmoniously, creating not just noise, but giving everything a rhythm, bright colors.
(The Mustard Seed: My Most Loved Gospel on Jesus)
Who is more stupid - a woman or a man?
I'll tell you this anecdote:
The man says to the woman:
Why did God make you so beautiful?
To make you fall in love with us,” she replied.
Then why did he make you so stupid?
So that we can fall in love with you too.
In fact, stupidity has nothing to do with gender. It can be found in all forms, shapes and sizes.
Are women smarter than men?
Without a doubt. Men can only feel jealous... they don't have any courage. A woman is capable of great love, because she lives not by logic, but by pure emotions and heart.
It is wonderful to follow the path of the heart, but it comes with danger. The path of the mind is not so beautiful, but it is safer. The man chose the safest and shortest path in life. The woman chose the most beautiful, but the most difficult and dangerous path emotions, feelings, moods. The woman endured immeasurable suffering, because until today the world was ruled by a man. She did not fit into a society created by a man, because it was created on the basis of intelligence and logic.
A woman needs a world that lives according to the laws of the heart.
In a society created by a man, there was no place for the heart. A man needs to learn to be more cordial, because the intellect has led humanity to global suicide. Intellect destroyed the harmony of nature, ecology. He created beautiful machines, but destroyed a beautiful humanity. The world needs a more heartfelt approach in everything.
As for me personally, I affirm that your inner nature closer to the heart than to the mind. The mind is a short way out, but the heart is a very long way. If you rush inward, then everything changes to the opposite: the heart is the shortest path to the essence of a person, and it is difficult to imagine a longer path of the mind.
That is why I stand for love, for love will easily lead you to meditation, to the eternity of life, to your divinity; it is very difficult to achieve this through the mind. First you need to reach the heart, and only then you can start moving towards your essence.
I stand up for love; and it has spiritual underpinnings. A woman can easily start her way from the heart to her being, and a man can move towards the heart without any obstacles. The man was simply cooked incorrectly, these are just prejudices. He was told that you need to be tough, you need to be strong, courageous, but all this is nonsense. No man ever cries and suffers with tears in his eyes, because he was taught from childhood that only women cry, this is a female trait. Men never cry or weep.
If you look at the nature of man, then all this will seem absurd. If a man really couldn’t cry, if nature intended it that way, then his eyes would be created differently, they would have no lacrimal glands. But the lacrimal glands of men are no different from those of women.
Do men need tears? Yes, they are needed; tears are an extremely important means of communication, a special language. There are moments that cannot be expressed in words, but his tears will tell about the state of a person. Tears can also appear from immeasurable joy. They always act as proof that a person is overwhelmed with emotions. Sometimes it is impossible to express your sadness in words, tears will help you with this. Tears are one of the reasons why women are less likely than men to go mad: women are ready to cry, sob and scatter everything that comes their way; they go crazy every day, a little bit.
A man accumulates stresses inside himself, and one day there is an explosion - in bulk. Women are crazy about retail, and dying a little every day is the wiser way. Why accumulate everything?
Men are more likely to commit suicide. It is very strange. Women talk more about suicide than men, but usually don't commit it. Men never talk about it, but do it twice as often as women. The man goes on suppressing his feelings, he goes on wearing a false mask. But everything comes to an end: there comes a moment when he is no longer able to keep it inside himself, and everything falls apart.
A man needs to learn to be more cordial, because the path to himself comes from the heart. You can't get past the heart. A woman is in a better position, she can go directly from the heart to her essence. However, instead of appreciating this magnificent quality in a woman, a man always condemned her. Perhaps there was a reason for this, perhaps he was aware of the superiority of a woman, the superiority of love. But no logic can be higher than love, and no mind can be higher than the heart. The mind can be very bloodthirsty, it can be very cruel, and it has been that way for centuries.
The man beat the woman, suppressed, condemned her. Not knowing that the condemnation and suppression of a woman makes him flawed, half of humanity has lost the opportunity to raise its consciousness. You were deprived of such an opportunity, because you, too, could learn the art of ascending from the other half of the Universe. You, too, could go the same way, the same way. That is why I always say that the liberation of the woman is the liberation of the man. It is even more of a liberation for a man than for a woman.
Yes, women are capable of great love, but they also need to know the other side of the coin. The man has developed logic. The other side may be illogical. It's not dangerous, it's just a mistake, it can be fixed. That is why I said that the path of the heart is beautiful but dangerous.
Hate is the other side of love; jealousy is the other side of love. If a woman is seized with hatred and jealousy, then all the beauty of love dies and only poison remains in her hands. She will poison herself and everyone around her. In order to love, one has to become more aware, because one can fall into the abyss of hatred, which is very close, very close to the peak of love; the gloomy valley of hate surrounds the peak of love from all sides, one can easily slide down.
Perhaps for this reason, many women do not allow themselves to fall in love. Perhaps for this reason, the man decided to live with his mind and forgot about the heart ... because it is so sensitive, it is so easy to offend him, his mood changes like the weather.
Anyone who really wants to learn the art of love needs to remember all this and protect love from falling into the abyss of hatred, jealousy, otherwise the path to oneself will become impossible, even more unreal than the path of the mind.
A woman needs to give up hatred and jealousy. A man needs to give up logic and become a little more loving.
Logic can be used; it has applied value. She is useful in scientific papers but not in human relations. A man must take care that logic does not completely take over him, it must remain a tool to be used and then put aside. A woman must take care not to fall into the abyss of hatred, jealousy, anger, because they will destroy love, the greatest wealth of a woman. And both need to bring more love into their lives, and than stronger man loves, the closer he is to his essence.
The essence is very close; it is the deepest part of love, absolutely pure, unconditional love. Love, filled with absolute awareness, immediately turns into a grand revolution; it opens the gates of the inner temple of essence.
To reach the very center of being is to receive all that life can give you: all the fragrance, all the beauty, all the joy, all the blessing...
Women are, without a doubt, braver than men. In all world cultures, it is the woman who leaves her family and goes to live with her husband's family. She leaves her mother, her father, her friends, her city, everything she loved and grew up with; she sacrifices everything for love. A man is not capable of this.
And it should have been the other way around, since a man claims superiority over a woman, then it was he who had to do so. He should have gone to his wife's house, not taken her to his house. However, in no culture and no society in the history of mankind has a man ever taken such a step. Not a single man left his parents' house, his environment, his familiar atmosphere, did not dare to sacrifice everything and become part of an atmosphere completely alien to him, a new earth, become a plant transplanted into a new garden, on new soil, and blossom there. But the woman went for it, and did it gracefully.
Definitely, women are braver than men.
And in love, and in many other things ... She loves with motherly love, which no father is capable of; she loves like a wife, which no husband is capable of. Even as a small child, she loves with a daughter's love, which no son is capable of.
The whole life of a woman is love.
For a man, life is of great importance, while love occupies only a small part of it. A man can sacrifice love for money, power, prestige, he is ready to sacrifice love for anything. A woman cannot sacrifice love for anything, for her there is nothing higher than love. You can sacrifice anything, but not love. Undoubtedly, the presence of the spirit of a woman is not to occupy, and a man needs to learn a lot from her.
If we use our relationship to explore each other—not a superficial sexual relationship, but a deep, intimate knowledge of each other's secrets—then all relationships between lovers will turn into a spiritual phenomenon. Both man and woman will be enriched in them, and hence the whole society.
(Socrates Poisoned Again after 25 Centuries)
Why haven't women been freed yet?
Disunity is one of the reasons why women have not yet been liberated: they cannot unite because of their sympathy for men; their sympathy does not extend to other women. Women maintain relations with each other only out of envy: who dresses better, who has more exquisite jewelry, who has a better car, who has a richer house. Jealousy is the only reason for the existence of relationships between women.
But if all the women are jealous each other, then, naturally, this envy is one of the main reasons for their slavery. They cannot turn into a single force, otherwise they would have been freed long ago, because they are half of humanity. If women wanted to be free, then nothing would stop them. But they have become their own enemies.
Every woman should remember that the man divided the women in such a cunning way that they could never unite. You envy each other, you have no sympathy for each other. You are more likely to sympathize with a man - but not your husband, of course! It must be someone else's husband.
(Joshu: The Lion's Roar)
What is jealousy and why does it bring so much suffering?
Jealousy is one of the most common areas of psychological ignorance: a person knows nothing about himself, about others, and, in particular, about the relationship between loving people.
People think they know what love is; in fact they don't know. Their misunderstanding of love breeds jealousy. By "love" people understand a kind of monopoly, a kind of possessiveness. They don't understand the simple fact of life: as soon as you start possessing a living being, you immediately kill it.
You can't own life. You can't squeeze it in your fist. If you want to have her, then your arms must be wide open. But for centuries, everything has happened the other way around: prejudice has become so ingrained in us that we cannot separate love from jealousy. Love and jealousy have become almost a single energy for us. For example, you feel jealous when your lover leaves for another woman. It worries you now. However, I want to tell you that if you did not experience jealousy, you would get into even greater trouble: then you would think that you do not love him, because if you love, then you are jealous.
Love and jealousy mingled, became one. In fact, they are polar opposites. A mind capable of jealousy cannot love, and vice versa: a mind capable of love cannot be jealous.
(Sermones in the Stones)
Recently, I was able to face my number one vice: jealousy. I gave myself completely to him, and as a result I felt euphoria, gratitude and full of energy. What should I take away from this experience and how can I use it so that I do not again be influenced by jealousy?
This experience is of great importance to you; this is one of the key points that can help to completely change the energy of a person.
In his students, George Gurdjieff always tried first of all to discover their main enemy, for enemy number one contains something that can either destroy a person or lead to his transformation.
You looked into the eyes of your jealousy. Jealousy is one of the most dangerous elements in the human mind, in the female mind in particular. You need to open up to your enemy number one, do not hide anything, do not embellish, do not try to justify yourself - you are right, the situation is such that you, no doubt, have to be jealous - but in no way reassure yourself with explanations that jealousy is justified.
If you convince yourself that jealousy is justified, then it will remain, and even intensify. In this case, you will no longer feel the influx of energy that you are experiencing now. Jealousy will absorb all the energy, and the energy will hide in jealousy and will wait for the right moment to explode - it needs to find an excuse. Notes openly challenged jealousy, not trying to explain anything ... and justify; you just came to terms with the fact that you're jealous... and accepted your jealousy, and you realized that your jealousy is only about you and no one else, and no one else in the world is responsible for it.
Any excuses are an attempt to protect jealousy.
You did everything right; as a result of mere observation, jealousy disappeared.
This is what I have been talking about for many years: nothing needs to be done, it is only necessary to look at the problem without any judgment, just like everything is reflected in a mirror.
Since it was your number one enemy, it had a lot of energy. Now it is gone, and the energy has been released. That's why you feel more energized, more loving, more sensual. You've dealt with your jealousy very well. Now the energy is unlocked. You have struggled with jealousy for years. And now you have found the treasured key to victory.
The next time you feel jealousy, be aware of it right away. With all your psychological enemies, do the same as you did with your main enemy. These enemies are smaller and will disappear faster because they don't have as much energy.
But if the energy remains, then a problem will surely arise: what to do with this energy. Until now, jealousy has used energy, it has absorbed it. Now the energy is spreading throughout the body. You have become more sensual, more loving.
Give her free rein: dance, sing, love, do whatever comes to your mind.
(The Transmission of the Lamp)
Please talk about possessiveness.
There is nothing worse in the world than to reduce a person to the level of a thing, an object of consumption. This is possessiveness. One can only possess things; people cannot be possessed. You can communicate with a person. You can give your love, poetry, your beauty, body, mind. You can share, but you can’t turn relationships into business. You can't bargain. You can't own a man or a woman. But all over the world, that's what everyone is doing. As a result, we have this crazy house, which is called the planet Earth. A person strives for possession, but this is basically impossible. It goes against the very nature of things. Then there is suffering. How more people tries to possess the other, the more that one, the other, strives for independence, for everyone has a natural right to be free, to be himself.
You're violating a man's privacy, the only holy place on earth. Neither Israel, nor Kashi, nor Mecca are holy. The only sacred place in the true sense of the word is the private life of a person, his independence, originality.
If you love a person, you will never invade his personal life. You never want to be a detective, peek through a keyhole, look into your soul. You will respect the privacy of the other person. Now look at the so-called lovers, husbands and wives, boys and girls. All of them constantly violate boundaries, try to invade the private world of their partner, oppose his privacy. Why?
An independent, self-sufficient person is simply afraid. Tomorrow he may stop loving you, because love is never frozen. Love is fleeting, it has nothing to do with permanence. It can last for an eternity, but basically it is fleeting, lasting a moment. Blessed is he who experiences it in the following moments. If it disappears, then you need to be grateful that you experienced it earlier.
Remain open: she may come again; If you don't love this person, you can love someone else. The question is not in the people, the question is in the feeling. Love must be constantly in motion, it cannot be stopped.
But in their stupidity, people begin to think: "If he breaks out of my hands, then for the rest of my life I will no longer know love." They do not understand that by trying to keep someone forever, they doom themselves to dislike. They won't have love. You can't expect love from a slave. It is impossible to obtain love from one's possessions; from a chair, a table, a house or furniture, one cannot achieve love.
You can only get love from a free person if you respect his uniqueness, his freedom. Love is born in open relationships. Do not destroy it with the desire for possession, trying to keep it, creating legal fetters, marriage relations. Let your partner stay free, and stay free yourself. Don't let anyone make you their own.
Owning someone is just as disgusting as owning someone.
Love lives only when the lovers are not in a fixed relationship. Once a relationship is established, love disappears. When a relationship is established, love gives way to something else, namely possessiveness.
Such relationships can still be called love, but life can not be deceived. Calling a feeling love won't change anything. It's not love anymore, it's hate. It's not love, it's adaptation. It's not love, it's compromise. It could be anything but love.
The deeper you dive into the study of the issue, the more clearly you begin to understand that love and hate are not two different concepts. It seems that to designate them as two different words- a linguistic error. In the future, at any rate, scientific papers and psychology textbooks, the union "and" will not be used between two words. It's better to make one word, something like "love-hate". After all, these are two sides of the same coin.
(From Darkness to Light)
I lived with a man for a year who also likes to be with other women. I don't know how to deal with my jealousy.
It will always be difficult for a woman to cope with jealousy if she does not learn to love herself; otherwise the difficulty will remain. A man cannot be kept, and it is foolish to keep him. You will simply destroy his happiness, and if his happiness is destroyed, he will begin to take revenge, he will not be able to feel his former love. If you try to lead him, limit his freedom in every possible way, he will feel suffocated.
The problem is that man has lived like this for centuries. A woman has never lived like this, and there were several reasons for this. Before, in the old days, the problem was the child; along with the pregnancy, the woman had problems. She needed to solve the issue of security, financial support, and so on. Then the man himself began to teach the woman to be pure, virgin, to love one man. The man enjoyed a double standard: one was for her and the other for him. A woman should be pure, devoted, supple. And the man? There is a saying: "There is no demand from a man."
The man saved all his freedom for himself. In the past, he succeeded, because the finances were in his hands. The man was financially independent. He was educated, he had a job. The woman had no job, no education. Her whole world was limited to the house. She did not have any contacts outside the home, so she could not fall in love. To fall in love, you need to at least communicate with someone. A man built the Great Wall of China around a woman... For centuries, Muslims forbade a woman to show even her face to strangers. Women were not allowed to talk to men. This suppression lasted so long that it simply ate into the flesh.
Today the situation has changed. Today a woman can get an education, she has a job. She is as free as a man. She can meet people, fall in love, enjoy life. Today she is not bothered by the problem of pregnancy, the birth control pill has given her the greatest freedom. But the old mind does not give up, because this is a long enough period of thousands and thousands of years of conditioning. Your mother and your mother's mother and all the women before you were conditioned, and these prejudices have passed on to you as well.
The problem will remain until you become aware of it and thus get rid of it. You have a choice. You can continue to nag your partner, which is what women have been doing for centuries. But this will not help, it only pushes the man away from the woman. The more you scold him, the more you push him into someone else's arms, because he just gets tired, he gets tired of you. A man wants to go somewhere and find someone who won't nag him. There he will feel relieved. So it does not help, but only destroys the relationship. The alternative is this: take courage and tell him that if he wants to, then let him remember: you, too, are free to do as you see fit. There should be no double standards! If he enjoys loving other women, you can also enjoy loving other men. You love him, but you can also love other men. Clearly explain to him your position, and if he gets scared, if he himself is capable of being jealous, then he will immediately say: "I won't do it again"; in doing so, he will end his double game of his own accord. But another option is also possible: he will tell you that you should not worry, that you can do the same as he does. There is nothing wrong with that!
I am not saying that a man is doing something wrong. I'm talking about only one thing: there should be no double standards; there should be only one standard for two. Each couple chooses the rules of the game for themselves, this is their obligation. Either you decide that you belong only to each other, that you are monogamous, and that's fine if you both make a decision willingly, happily, cheerfully. If this is not possible, if one of you says: "I want to keep my freedom," then you also keep yours! Why this suffering? Suffering appears only when one is having fun, while the other just sits and thinks about it. You have fun too!
This question concerns not only you alone. This is what every woman should do in the future. Take courage and tell him before you go to someone: "It will be so, no need to be jealous of me." Men are even more jealous, their hurt chauvinistic ego suffers: "Is my wife having sex with someone?" They begin to feel that they are not real men. But then that's their problem. First of all, you need to agree that you will follow a certain agreement. When two people decide to live together, they need to develop a certain set of rules. When you live alone, the question of behavior does not appear. Just develop behavior rules but these rules must be respected by both parties.
Whatever decision is made... he can decide not to cheat, and that's good. He may also decide that he does not want to lose his freedom, then you will be free in your actions. Don't get lost, start meeting people. There are many wonderful people in the world, why limit yourself to only one person? Each person has unique qualities. Every person is unique.
Why don't you love many and enrich your love experience? In fact, your behavior does not interfere with your love for your husband. My observation is that if you love many people, you will love your loved one more, this is simple arithmetic, as you will become more experienced in love. You will know love in its many manifestations. You will become more mature, experienced, skillful.
Only an immature soul can cling to another person. Why cling? Love is beautiful, love is divine, all these are manifestations of God. Why cling to one form if it doesn't cling to you? If you're both passionate about each other, then that's a different matter.
There is an old idea, not confirmed scientific research. It lies in the fact that if a man sometimes cheats on a woman, then she will suffer, because she will get less love than her rival. This is not true. She will not suffer, she will get more. Soon, seeing other women, meeting other women, a man will more and more often begin to think: "What is the point of all adventures? My wife can give me all this, and even more passionately, with more affection, with more devotion. Why should I hanging around like a beggar?" And he will rush home, missing you very much.
Modern psychology claims that a few fleeting romances on the side will not hurt to save a marriage. If there are none, then family life can be endlessly boring. Freshness is lost in the relationship: the same man, the same woman, the same conversation, the same sex. Sooner or later everything turns into a routine. Excitement disappears, everything repeats, monotony comes.
Talk to him and make it clear to him that if he has affairs, you will be free too. And be her!
To be free, you need to be a little bolder, you need to have courage, but you will enjoy it. This will not only not harm your family relationships, but will only strengthen them. You will stop drinking it. If you yourself start dating other people, you will stop chewing on him. That's why women don't date anyone - then their grumpiness will lose its meaning. And they like to saw their husbands, it gives them power.
If they go on dates, they will stop making a man feel guilty. By making a man feel guilty, they gain tremendous power. But it's not right. Never make anyone feel guilty. If you love a person, why make him feel guilty? If he likes it that way, then so be it! You also have several novels. This will give you freedom from each other. If love is free, if it is born from freedom, then it acquires a completely different quality. There is true beauty in it.
Then there will be no quarrels, no conflict, no jealousy, nothing like that. Relations will be calm, balanced, harmonious. If you have love on the side and he has love on the side, then you both enjoy an eternal honeymoon; being with someone is always great. Then the relationship never gets old and rotten.
A little courage... and so be it!
(Don't Look Before You Leap)
I would be grateful to you if you would tell me a little about old age.
Sooner or later old age comes to everyone. We need to understand the beauty of old age, we need to understand the freedom of old age. We need to understand the wisdom of old age, its freedom from all the stupidity of the young.
Old age gives a sense of height. If you combine this height with meditation... you will be surprised: why did you waste your youth? Why did your parents ruin your childhood? Why didn't meditation become your very first gift in life? However, it is never too late to start meditating. If you manage to know the meaning of your life even a few moments before death, then your life has not been in vain.
Old age has always been highly respected in the East. In the past, it was considered a shameless fact that your children get married, your children have children of their own, and you are still attracted to women, you are still sexually active. You should be above this - it's time to give the field to other fools to play football. You can, at most, be a judge, but not a player...
You won’t understand anything in life if you don’t gratefully accept everything that life gives you. Childhood was beautiful, youth had its flowers, and old age has its own peaks of consciousness. The problem is that childhood comes by itself, and in old age you need to be creative.
You create your own age. It can be torment, it can be a holiday. It can just be despair, or it can become a dance. It all depends on how sincerely you accept life and all that it brings. One day she will bring death - accept it with gratitude.
(The Great Pilgrimage: From Here to Here
Why am I so afraid of old age?
The one who lived a real life will never be afraid of death. If you lived in full sense this word, you will welcome death. It will come like rest, like a great dream. If in your life you have reached the peak, reached the highest peak, then death will be a wonderful rest, a blessing. But if you haven't lived full life, then, without a doubt, death causes fear. If you have not lived, then, undoubtedly, death will take time from your hands, all future opportunities to live. You have not lived in the past and there will be no future: fear arises. Fear arises not because of death, but because of the unlived life. Since there is fear of death, old age also gives rise to fear, for it is the first step towards death. If not for this circumstance, old age would be beautiful. This is the maturity of your life, your experience, your growth. If you live from moment to moment, boldly go towards all life's trials, use all the opportunities that life gives you, then old age will become maturity. Otherwise, old age will be a disease.
Unfortunately, many people simply get older; they age before reaching the maturity of their age. The body has grown old, but the inner life has not become richer. There is no inner light, and death approaches every day. Of course you will tremble, you will be afraid, you will suffer greatly.
Old age is incredibly beautiful; so it should be, for all life is directed towards it; old age should be the peak. The peak cannot be at the beginning of the life path. The peak cannot be in the middle of life. If you think that your peak was in childhood, as many people think, then, of course, your whole life will be filled with suffering, because you have already reached the peak and all subsequent life will be a descent, a decline. If you think that youth is the peak, as many people think, then, of course, after thirty-five you will become sad, depressed, because every day you will lose and lose something, but you will not gain anything. The energy will weaken, you will become weak, you will be tormented by diseases, and death will begin to knock on your door. Your house will disappear, the hospital will appear. Is it possible to be happy in such a state? No. In the East, we never thought that childhood or adolescence could be the peak of development. The peak is waiting for the very end.
If life flows correctly, then gradually you rise higher and higher. Death is the highest peak of life, its climax.
Why is life passing by? Why does a person grow old, but not mature? Somewhere something is broken; somewhere you have embarked on a wrong path; somewhere you agreed to join false path. This agreement must be broken, this contract must be burned. That's what I call sannyas: the understanding that "until now I have lived wrongly, my life has been a compromise, I have not really lived."
When you were a child, you made a compromise. You sold your life. For free. You didn't get anything in return, just all sorts of rubbish. You lost your soul for some little thing. You agreed to be someone else and not yourself - that's where you went astray. Your mother wanted you to be somebody, your father wanted you to be somebody, society wanted you to be somebody, and you gave in. Gradually you agreed not to be yourself. Since then, you've been pretending you're someone else.
You cannot become mature, because this other in you cannot become mature. This is false. If I wear a mask, then the mask cannot grow up, it is dead. My face may age, but my mask does not. Only your mask grows old, and behind this mask you hide, but you cannot grow up. Only those who accept themselves, who want to be themselves and no one else, can grow up.
The rose bush decided to become an elephant; the elephant decided to become a rosebush. The eagle is worried, he will soon seek the advice of a psychiatrist, because he wants to become a dog; the dog is hospitalized because he wants to fly like an eagle. This is what happened to humanity. The biggest misfortune is to agree to be someone else: in this case, you will never grow up.
You will never grow up if you are someone else. You can only grow up by being yourself. We need to discard all the "do's and don'ts", we need to listen less to what people say. What is their opinion? Who are they? You are here to be yourself; you're not here to live up to anyone's expectations, but that's what everyone's trying to do. Your father may no longer be alive, and you are still trying to keep the promise you made to him. And he tried to keep his promise to his father, and so forth, and so forth. Stupidity goes back to the very beginning. Try to understand the situation and take courage. Take life into your own hands. You will suddenly feel an influx of energy. The moment you make the decision: "I will remain myself and no one else. I will remain myself no matter what," you will feel a big change. You will feel the energy. Energy will burst you, pulsate in you.
If this does not happen, you will be afraid of old age. How can you avoid the thought that you are wasting your time, that life is passing by, old age is approaching, and you have not yet lived as you should? How can you avoid the thought that death is creeping up on you, getting closer and closer every day, and you have not yet lived as you would like? You are simply doomed to suffer. If you are asking me what to do, I would advise you to accept everything that life gives you.
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