I feel lonely - possible causes and solutions. What to do if you feel lonely? When you feel lonely what to do

Many people know the feeling of loneliness. It can be a fleeting feeling, and a constant oppressive state.

Types of loneliness

All people are unique, and therefore the needs for communication and the amount of time spent in society are diverse. Someone needs to be alone to rest, to reflect, to reflect. For others, it is vital to be among people, to attract attention. But both can experience an oppressive and unpleasant feeling of loneliness. After all, the division into extroverts and introverts is rather conditional. And most people can be classified as ambiverts, combining to some extent the qualities of the first two types.

Allocate emotional and social loneliness.

The first type occurs in a situation where a person does not have strong emotional ties with significant people (parents, spouses, friends). Increased anxiety, feelings of despair and own vulnerability are inherent in this condition. Often, depression develops against the background of emotional loneliness.

The second type occurs when a person has lost strong social ties, for example, due to a change of residence, work, study. Feelings of social isolation, lack of purpose, boredom accompany this state.

How to deal with loneliness?

When loneliness becomes a problem, you should not revel in this feeling, but try to cope with it.

It is better to treat this state as an opportunity to understand yourself. Use loneliness as a "springboard" to move to another level of personal development.

And first you need to understand what type of loneliness you experience. What exactly is missing? It is also important to accept that loneliness is just a feeling, and a large number of people on Earth experience it.

The basis for overcoming loneliness is the following changes:

• way of thinking;
• lifestyle.

How to change the way of thinking?

To change your mindset you need:

• learn to understand and express their feelings;
• transform negative thoughts into positive ones;
• do not divide the world into black and white.

The ability to understand and express your feelings will help to cope not only with loneliness. In order to deal with emotions and experiences, it is best to keep a diary. By writing down and analyzing your feelings, you can understand at what exact moment a feeling of loneliness arises, what provokes it. Having understood, thus, with the source of the problem, you can find a way to solve it.

Thinking (its type) shapes the reality around us. People who are prone to negative thinking only notice the negative around them. And the eternal mental dissatisfaction with the world leads to the fact that a person experiences only negative emotions.

If you expect a positive outcome from future events, then it will most likely be so. Even if not everything goes "smoothly", it is better to note positive points and don't focus on the negative.

Having received an invitation to a party (corporate party, alumni meeting), you should not refuse with the thought that you will be bored all evening, it is better to think that this is an opportunity to make new acquaintances or have a nice chat.

In order to think positively, it is worth starting to rebuild negative thoughts, adding positive ones to them. Not: “My classmates don’t understand me,” but: “I don’t have friends at the university yet, but I will find them.” It is quite difficult, but starting small, you can achieve success. You should spend 10 minutes a day tracking negative thoughts and reformulating them. And when it starts to work out without difficulty, increase the time. Ideally, this process should take place throughout the day. It will help you see the world differently.

It is also necessary to stop dividing the world into black and white. If it is bad now, it does not mean that it will always be so. These thoughts must be stopped.

If feelings of “eternal loneliness” haunt you, it is better to remember situations when communication left a feeling of mutual understanding. And also that it wasn't always like this.

How to start changing your lifestyle?

Practical actions can be as follows:

• find an occupation to your liking;
• change the habitual way of life;
• find like-minded people;
• get a pet;
• participate in volunteer activities.

It is important to get rid of loneliness to fill the day with interesting and pleasant things. Probably, everyone will be able to remember what they always wanted to learn (draw, program, dance, embroider, play the guitar). Finding something you like, a person brings positive emotions into his life.

It is difficult to get rid of loneliness if you live all the time in the home-work mode and while away the evenings watching TV or watching TV shows online. Walking in nature helps to improve the emotional state. Take a walk in the park, do it pleasant habit and negative thoughts will recede.

In order not to sit at home in the evenings, you can buy a subscription to a fitness club, swimming pool, drawing or dancing studio. The main thing is that the activity brings pleasure.

And it’s easier to get to know each other if you share one hobby.

You can also find like-minded people on the Internet at thematic forums or in groups in in social networks. Virtual communication with people with similar views often turns into reality.

Having a pet can help you deal with feelings of loneliness. The main thing is that communication with a cat or dog does not completely replace communication with people.

You can escape from thoughts of loneliness by participating in volunteer projects. Visit children in boarding schools, lonely old people or help homeless animals. Participation in volunteer organizations helps build stronger emotional ties, get more pleasure from communication. And all this will help to overcome loneliness.

It is important, trying to get rid of the oppressive feeling of loneliness, to be attentive to new acquaintances. A person experiencing strong negative experiences is vulnerable, and can easily become “easy prey” for various manipulators. You can understand that a new friend is not interested in healthy and warm communication by the following signs:

• a person is too sweet, caring and tries to fill all his free time with himself;
• such people have bouts of bad mood if they are excluded from the plans for the evening;
• they control where and with whom their “friend” spends time;
• usually from such people you will not expect a reciprocal favor, they use others for their own benefit.

Loneliness is an unpleasant feeling, but you can overcome it and at the same time enrich your inner world. The main thing is not to feel sorry for yourself and not to slide into negativity, but to gradually change your lifestyle and thoughts.

Perhaps there is not a single person who has not experienced a feeling of loneliness throughout his life. Psychologists know that there is no antidote for this condition, which would be a list of specific actions. But there are ways to improve social interaction! Here are some recommendations from experts.

Remember: We all feel lonely sometimes.

On average, sociologists say, one in five people suffers from constant loneliness. Knowing this can bring us some comfort, because it indicates that a huge number of people are familiar with the feeling of loneliness (in its various forms and manifestations)! It can be physical separation from family and friends, emotional distance, a sense of isolation. Sometimes we think that we are the only ones who worry about image, being overweight, suffering from embarrassment or financial problems. But in reality this is not true.

Know what loneliness means to you

There is a difference between company and communication: the former may involve polite small talk, while the latter may involve intimate heartfelt conversation. When we feel alone, it is likely that we hope to experience the latter. However, knowing what you need to not feel alone is key. Observe your emotions and determine the understanding of loneliness for yourself.

Accept your need for communication

People are social beings. At the same time, it is important to understand that people who experience loneliness have not done anything wrong. None of us is immune to feelings of isolation, just as we are not immune to feelings of hunger or physical pain. You must know that the desire to communicate is a real need.

Don't blame yourself

Lonely people tend to blame themselves or sometimes others for their isolation, it is important to remember that loneliness is an epidemic shaped by many forces: the spread of social media, job changes, divorces, single parent families, the promotion of loneliness and the fast pace of life... All must be acknowledged. it is to take some of the burden off yourself.

Eye contact

One small step we can take towards unification is to just look at someone. Making eye contact with a passerby can make both parties feel a little more in touch with the rest of the person. human race.

Joining any community

Find an organization that supports the cause you care about so you can surround yourself with people who have open hearts for the same mission.

Help for the needy

Volunteering is not only the real antidote to loneliness, it is also a means to meet others or do a good deed. It's a way to feel needed. Helping those in need is a wonderful form of closeness that is sure to lessen feelings of isolation. By the way, it is not necessary to go to the ends of the earth to do a good deed. You can help a neighbor rearrange furniture or work at a shelter for the elderly, children or animals.

Sending someone a handwritten note

A note from a friend or loved one can be a pleasant surprise in a mailbox full of newspapers and advertisements. A paper letter is a great way to cheer up both yourself and the other person. Don't know who to write to? Try giving a note to a stranger.

Don't think money will help

In our obsession material values culture, we tend to blame loneliness on the absence of material possessions. You might even think that a financial push would pull us out of social isolation. We think the extra money will give us the resources to dine at fancy restaurants or take longer trips. We think it will make us happier, and therefore less lonely. Not so simple! Keep in mind that wealth does not negate loneliness. Boston College researchers have found that people with great wealth are not immune to anxiety, loneliness and unhappiness.

Use social media wisely

Instead of connecting us, social media can exacerbate feelings of isolation. It's not so much that social media itself is bad, but how we use it. One study explains that mindlessly scrolling through the feed makes us lonelier, but actively scheduling some offline events on social networks can significantly improve the situation.

Be kind to strangers

Try telling someone they look good. Or what he has beautiful eyes. Notice what the person himself may have overlooked. You will see a stranger smile at you. This smile will surely melt your heart.

Find a hobby

Shared interests are an excellent means of connecting with others. We can't guarantee that our fellow antique lovers will become our new best friends or that similar movie tastes will make us feel close to a stranger, but we can say that hobbies increase our chances of meeting like-minded people with whom we will have many general.

travel

The thought of traveling alone can be unappealing to some and enticing to others. Being alone in another country means making contacts with strangers. It's easy to imagine things going badly or believing that this person won't want to talk to you, but if you hold out your hand, almost everyone will stretch out theirs in return!

Go to a church, synagogue or mosque

Science tells us that regular visits to a religious community help prevent colds and lower blood pressure. In addition, anthropologists have found that social support among members of confessional groups is particularly cohesive.

Find a similar story

Loneliness can be caused by the death of a spouse, the loss of a job, or a personal struggle with illness. If so, consider joining a support group for people facing a similar problem. Whatever your problems, there are those among people who have experienced something similar.

Romance is not a cure!

It can be easy to think that the feeling of loneliness will disappear if you start romantic relationship. But love and romance are not cures for loneliness! You may feel close to someone you are not in love with. And even if you are in love, you may not get access to the inner world of your partner, psychologists say.

Listen to the music

It has been scientifically proven that music is good for health and makes people happy. Upbeat melodies can change our mood, let us get in touch with positive memories or inspire us! Also, there is a chance that some lyrics will make us feel less alone or even more in touch with our loneliness.

Be your best friend

Turning to your inner voice with a sense of humor and a dose of kindness is helpful at any time, but especially when you feel alone. If you learn to be your own best friend, you will become less dependent on others and gain confidence in yourself!

Appear in society

If you've been frustrated by social situations in the past, it's easy to miss an invitation to dinner or your friend's birthday. You know yourself and how you might feel in social situations. However, it can be helpful to step out of your comfort zone by simply attending an event. Besides, you never know where you will meet the best person In my life!

Look inside yourself

Cultivating the rich inner world will allow you to enjoy the inner life. The intelligent processing of thoughts, ideas, reflections, and new information is a form of intellectual and emotional pleasure that can transcend sadness into curiosity and finding meaning.

What happens to those people who refuse self-disclosure and communication with a partner?

You know, you don’t have to go far here, just remember such a phenomenon as sexaholism, sexologists call it a mental disorder that borders on neurosis, and we, psychologists from the site, explain the frequent change of sexual partners a little easier:

-when a person does not want or is afraid (although fear is also not a bad excuse to remain in those living conditions that exist and do not become obsolete) of relationships in general, is afraid that he can lose himself in them, therefore, he is looking for love and merging in relationships only not for a long time. Such people are very unhappy and more acutely feel loneliness inside and outside, they do not trust anyone. (because you are afraid to believe yourself as well).

The main reason why they feel lonely:

It is an intolerance for the differences and individuality of another person. Any manifestation of the individuality of a partner or partner may cause protest and refusal to participate in joint activities, pastime, entertainment, refusal to share common values. All this is experienced by an acute sense of loneliness, resentment and disappointment. (sometimes a feeling of inferiority, which is compensated in bed). And precisely, which will help you see yourself and others, finally ask for true love, and not devastating sex for one night.

The second reason why you feel lonely in a relationship.

In general, psychologists from the site site argue that the roots of loneliness in relationships come from a deficit (deficiency) love, acceptance and lack of attention from parents. This is, among other things. It may be due to the fact that the emotional response from the parents, and especially the mother, is very distorted, because the mother herself suffered from strong emotional experiences. (experience of divorce, betrayal, his own loneliness).

And as a result, this creates a paradoxical situation:

You've been little all your life "chasing" for love and looking for a relationship of unconditional acceptance, but growing up “I want the best, but it turns out as always”- after all, the repetitive processes that you transferred from childhood work. And you keep oscillating between dissolving with your partner and isolating, distance between them. (that's why it's lonely). As soon as you have a new relationship, you try to blur your boundaries, become one and dissolve in it. (in her), and painfully reacting to any signs of the autonomy of his partner, through a feeling of loneliness and disappointment in himself and in him.

Stop living in old family scenarios and start building your new life.

Psychologist's advice:

-start looking for yourself, pay attention to what you want and what is imposed, what is really important to you and what is not. This will help you set your boundaries and be truly in a relationship and not feel alone. Find understanding in others.

But still, it will not do without working with a psychologist. It is important for you to stop acting out the unfinished family scripts of the early parent-child relationship. This work can only be done with a psychologist on psychological consultation. This is important, because you are already tired of being constantly misunderstood, suffering from unrequited love constantly endure the loss of a relationship.

Perhaps you ask a question:

• What are parent-child scenarios and how can they be shown by example?
• In general, how can my relationship with my parents be related to my experience of being alone in a relationship?

In order for you to better understand how the repetition of incomplete relationships occurs, let's give an example:

Little girl. Watching the terrible quarrels of parents (which often begin when mom or dad can no longer tolerate the fact that they do not become obsolete), he decides for himself: “There will never be such terrible scandals in my family, I will do everything to prevent this from happening.” ! Time passes, she forgets about her decision (displaces it from consciousness), gets acquainted with a guy, gets married and unconsciously begins to fulfill the scenario. During the first year of a relationship in marriage, there is usually a mutual "grinding" of partners, during which the spouses find ways to negotiate to meet their own needs. Our girl strives to please her husband in every possible way, not allowing the slightest sign of irritation either from him or from herself. There is a risk of an open conflict - she is trying in every possible way to make amends for it, push aside her interests, "transfer arrows", change the topic of conversation. As a result, hidden dissatisfaction, a feeling of loneliness in a relationship seems to “cover” her. And the scandals that she was so afraid of begin. Loneliness in a relationship, as a result, grows even more, which in the end leads to a break in the relationship.

We think that if you recognize yourself in this example, you should not waste time, but not when your relationship is already on the verge of breaking up. After all, how easy it is to be open with a partner, honestly discuss your needs, enjoy the union with your loved one, accept your own and his differences and discover something new and interesting in life together?

Loneliness, as a feeling of loneliness, can be experienced by a person in many different ways. It can be a grateful feeling, or it can be a dreary feeling of loneliness. People who are prone to are more likely to experience loneliness as misfortune. Since the mass personality as a whole is characterized by negativism, the feeling of loneliness is traditionally understood as a negative state. When promoted, the feeling of loneliness easily turns into a fear of loneliness, see →

What to do with the feeling of loneliness?

Usually the feeling of loneliness is a short-term state. It comes to active people either at moments of fatigue (and, therefore, as a preventive measure, do not forget to just rest and get enough sleep on time), or at moments when something suddenly failed or a difficult life situation happened.

Very often people experience a feeling of loneliness not "why", but "why". Conversations and experiences of loneliness are often used (perhaps unconsciously) for the purpose of formation. “I feel so lonely, everyone left me, everyone betrayed me…” It is understood that the one who hears will not leave and will not betray, but rather will regret and help. In this way, most of talking about loneliness is an option. Behind the feeling of loneliness there can be a variety of things that a person may not be aware of. Fear of acting... Revenge on the one who offended... Desire to suffer in order to attract attention... Wrong lifestyle, crooked beliefs, functional or anatomical negativity - all these circumstances a psychologist can determine only in a personal consultation.

Often, people call the feeling of loneliness something that is rather distantly related to the feeling of loneliness: a variety of problems that they find it difficult or do not want to solve on their own. For example, a girl experiences tactile hunger: the body wants activity, touch, and if not sex, then similar tactile interaction. The body wants to be dealt with - if desired, this can also be called a feeling of loneliness. How is it solved? Sign up for dancing, take a massage course, and this feeling of loneliness will suddenly pass ...

Typical options for how you can quickly cope with feelings of loneliness:

• Train yourself to find the positive in everything, including when you are alone (or alone). For example, when a person is alone, there is an opportunity to carefully evaluate your life and understand where to steer it further. There is a lot of room for rethinking. At least you can get out today, and no one will interfere with this.
• Keep yourself busy. Feelings of loneliness categorically do not arise if you are busy with any kind of work.
• Learn to think well of people. Those who like people are usually surrounded by friends.
• Start living more actively: if there are no like-minded people, where can you find them? Need support or help - who to ask?
• Start actively caring for those around you. In a world of almost 6 billion people, being alone is a special art. Start taking care of people nearby (even strangers: give up your seat on the subway, thank you warmly in the store, tell me the way if you know, and so on).

He who seeks will always find a solution.

You may find it important to read what Mother Teresa had to say about overcoming loneliness: “In our world, many feel lonely. There are always people around us, but we are still alone. What is the reason? In fact, it is our own behavior that isolates us from others. We do not know how to open up to others, we do not know how to love, we cannot say a couple of encouraging and comforting words to others. We cannot give, but we are always waiting for others to give to us. And those others are often busy, they have their own affairs and worries ... One often hears complaints: "No one comes to see me, no one loves me, no one is interested in me." But why should others be interested in you, love you, while you are not taking any action? If you suffer from loneliness, do not remain passive. Instead of sitting in the corner, self-blaming and waiting for attention from others, take the first step yourself, go to the people. There is no reason to feel lonely when there is love and light in the world. Forget yourself for a little while and do something for others."

There are many reasons why a person feels lonely, and almost everyone goes through it. Loneliness is a certain stage in a person's life, and absolutely everyone can overcome it. In my case, I live abroad, away from my friends and family. I don't speak the local language well, which makes it difficult to interact with people. Sometimes I feel lonely because I miss my home, and I know many other people who are in a similar situation and experience bouts of loneliness from time to time.

Some people are really hard. Such a state can lead to depression, despondency and longing, but there are also those for whom loneliness is fleeting, and can be overcome with the right mindset and certain lifestyle changes.

1. You lost someone

One of the most common reasons why a person feels lonely is when we lose someone. These are really difficult moments in life. When you lose someone (a family member, spouse, friend, or pet), you usually feel so alone that you just don't want anything. Losing someone can mean death loved one, rupture of relations, rupture of communication with a friend.

This type of loneliness is really difficult to overcome, and most often. Because you are used to seeing how this person smiles, greets you, how you laugh together and remember those Good times who experienced with this person (or with a pet). And now that he is gone, you have no idea how to continue living.

2. Solitude is why a person feels lonely

When you move away from people, you feel that no one needs you. This feeling negatively affects our self-esteem and can. This often happens to young people these days. They are so attached to their phones, computers and social networks that they are not interested in talking to each other in real life. Such people, when talking to a person live, feel embarrassed. Therefore, they want to communicate less and less with someone, and as a result they constantly feel loneliness.

When you move away from people, you realize that there is no one to talk to, and you begin to think that your life is becoming uninteresting. While the people around you live a full life, and you do not want to interfere with them. As a result, you are afraid that once you open up to them, they won't have time to listen to you.

3. Lack of personal satisfaction

This has happened to me several times. I felt like I wasn't good enough at whatever task I took on. I do not implement my plans and. Then I felt that I did not develop as a person. I was constantly upset, angry with myself, and therefore I was also lonely. Now I know that many people experience the same thing. I guess social media is to some extent to blame. Many people compare their lives with other more successful ones. And every time they see that their friend is buying a new car or relaxing in beautiful places, they understand that they cannot afford it now, so they feel unfulfilled and disappointed.

When a person is unable to find satisfaction in the things he already has, and when he thinks badly of himself, he begins to question his worth as a person. He begins to hate himself and not appreciate what he has. And this is another reason why a person feels lonely and not happy.

4. Homesickness

6. Don't dwell on false reality

It can also be a common reason why a person feels lonely. The internet and social media can be useful if you use them to connect with the people who matter to you. On the other hand, they can take you away from people who are nearby. Learn to leave your phone and prioritize in real life. Don't believe everything you see, read or hear on social media. Just because someone looks happy and successful doesn't mean they really are, and some accounts are fake. Always remind yourself that you don't have to post everything that happens in your life. Focus more on real life as that is what influences better you.