First, invading someone's personal space, we make a banal, but still serious mistake. People are very irritable when it comes to personal space. Respecting the personal space of a person, you gain trust and authority. By understanding how people share their space, you can develop a better understanding of where your presence is welcome and where you are not, and you can begin to act in accordance with the knowledge gained.
Secondly, by carefully observing the distance at which your interlocutors are, you can assess how much they trust you and are attached to you.
A few words about a man who divided his personal space into zones - Edward Hall.
He concluded that there is a direct correlation between social positions and physical distance between people. This means that when you think someone is in your friend zone, you prefer to keep them at a certain distance, away from your intimate spatial zone, but close enough to be a friend.
Thus, he divided the distance at which we are kept from another person into 4 main zones. These zones serve as "reaction bubbles" - when you enter a certain zone, you automatically activate certain psychological and physical reactions in that person.
public area
This zone is also large enough to observe other people without interacting with them. So to speak, the neutral zone. Suppose, for example, that you find someone attractive, and you look at him from this far distance - for him, this is probably good and even flattering. Close-up observation and staring, however, can send a chill down the spine.
social zone
This is the most neutral and convenient area to start a conversation between people who do not know each other well enough.This is the distance you keep from strangers with whom you may have some interactions: store owners, salespeople, plumbers.
Sometimes you may feel that this distance is shorter, especially in a sitting position. The explanation that I find most appropriate for this behavior is that in those cases there is usually some kind of artificial barrier between you and the stranger, such as a table. This barrier helps to relax and maintains a sense of comfort and at the same time allows you to be at a closer distance to discuss and explore the details.
Private zone
distance between friends.
Range: 60 cm to 1.5 meters.
This space is reserved for friends and family - people you know and trust. A zone that allows easy and relaxed communication, handshakes, gestures.
Also in the personal space zone there are other divisions, they depend on personal preferences and affection. The basic principle here is: you will stand closer to the one you like best.
If possible, you should avoid getting too close to someone so as not to invade his personal space. In order to get close to a person at an acceptable level, you need to show that you like this person. In this way, you start a magic circle of mutual understanding - they see that you like them, they will like it too, and in turn they will like you.
Intimate area
Range: from direct contact to 60 cm.
Obviously, this space is reserved only for the most trusted and beloved people: parents, close friends, children, lovers. This is a zone that allows direct contact, hugging, close communication is implied in it, it corresponds to a trusting relationship.
This space is like a bubble enveloping us, almost like an extension of our body. When someone intrudes here, our body and mind automatically react. If the person is close enough to us, we relax and enjoy the intimacy, but if the presence is not welcomed, we will close and try to keep our comfort zone one way or another.
Some people use pressure to invade this space and take advantage of it is a state of complete confusion and vulnerability. For example, one of the popular interrogation methods is to intimidate the suspect by getting very close or invading his intimate area. Then, while he is helpless, try to use his vulnerability and discomfort to extract information.
Another additional interpretation for gaining access to this spatial zone is that sexual interest (or fake sexual interest - to seduce and control) is a sign that the other party wants more than just friendship.
close crowd
What about overflow conditions? How are things in a full elevator or bus?
Obviously, we do not welcome these strangers into our intimate zone, but on the other hand, we know that we have no choice, just like the rest. Thus, our brain has found a neat solution - at this time we avoid seeing them as other people, which is dehumanization. Since we subconsciously choose to "ignore" them as humans in order to feel safer, we automatically avoid all human contact with them:
- We avoid eye contact - staring at the ceiling or the floor.
- We put on a face of indifference
- We make a minimum of movements and gestures to avoid possible contact.
A territory is a zone, or space, that a person regards as his own. He seems to be an extension of her body. Each person has their own personal territory. This is the zone that exists around her possessions - the house and garden, fenced with wattle, the interior of the car, the bedroom, the favorite chair and the air space around the body.
The airspace of a person ("air cap") depends on the density of the population where the person grew up; determined by the cultural environment, social status personality.
Studies have established that the radius of the airspace around a middle-class person in developed civilized countries is almost the same.
It can be divided into four main areas:
Intimate zone (from 15 to 45 cm).
This is the most basic of all zones. the person perceives it as personal property. Only close people are allowed to enter it. They can be parents, children, that is, family members, close friends and relatives. The inner zone (closer than 15 cm) can only be entered during physical contact. This is the most intimate area.
Personal zone (from 46 cm to 1.22 m).
At such a distance from others we are at parties, official receptions, friendly meetings or at work.
Social zone (from 1.22 to 3.6 m).
If we meet strangers, we want them to keep just that distance from us. We don't like it when a plumber, carpenter, postman, new colleague, or just a stranger comes closer to us.
Public area (more than 3.6 m).
If you are addressing a group of people, then this distance is the most optimal for us.
If you hug a person you just met and she outwardly smiles, showing sympathy for you, deep down she may feel negative, but does not want to offend you.
If you want people to feel comfortable in your company, keep your distance. This Golden Rule. The closer your relationship is, the closer you can get.
In public transport, at mass events, in crowded places, a person obeys unwritten rules, as a result of which she simply does not react to others, to their intrusion into the intimate zone.
Another situation develops during a rally, in a crowd where people are united by a common goal. As crowd density increases, personal space shrinks and people feel hostile and aggressive. This is well known to the police, who always strive to break the crowd into small groups. Receiving personal space, a person becomes calmer.
Investigators often use privacy intrusion techniques to break down a suspect's resistance during an interrogation.
Managers also use this approach to get information from subordinates who for some reason hide it.
But if the seller succeeds before such an approach, then he makes a very gross mistake.
As W. Schwebel said: "Mutual respect arises only when the boundaries are drawn and they are treated with respect ...".
The protection of personal spatial zones is one of the basic principles of wordless communication.
The desire to maintain a significant distance is a sign of insufficient self-confidence, increased anxiety. And vice versa - a calm, self-confident person cares less about the inviolability of "their borders." An assertive, aggressive, strong person strives to literally expand his boundaries: this is evidenced, for example, by the extended legs, wide gestures, as if accidentally touching people or objects that are standing nearby.
For people prone to aggression, a characteristic heightened sensitivity to violation personal space(given that it's already fairly advanced).
Such conclusions were made as a result of relevant studies and psychological experiments.
It is known, for example, that the speaker often reduces the distance of communication in order to create an effect of trust among listeners, to ensure greater "openness" of communication.
The result of the observations is another conclusion: people do not like to have uncontrolled space behind their backs. Therefore, in order to feel comfortable in any situation, try to take a position so as not to feel empty with your back. If you allow the interlocutor to take the same "safe" position, you will spare him unconscious non-comforts.
According to the Estonian researcher M. Heidemets, if the leitmotif of communication is rivalry, then people sit opposite each other, and if cooperation is next.
That is, for the posture of a communication partner, the distance at which he is, you can fairly accurately assess his mood and intentions.
Have you ever experienced a certain need for a purely individual, personal space? The desire to have one's own territory (one's own workplace, a secluded corner, one's own room), not accessible to everyone else, or staying at a small distance, which is inherent in a person in contact with others - this is a person's personal space. Determining the distance does not necessarily have to indicate the desire of a person to isolate himself from people. In fact, this is a particle of our own "I", a purely psychological need, allowing us to maintain balance and feel comfortable (this is especially true for introverts). The boundaries of personal space vary depending on the person himself, his character traits and his usual environment.
For one, the need for personal space can be developed quite strongly, while the other will not attach much importance to this. Of course, in a cramped office or on crowded public transport, it is very difficult to keep your distance, and everyone understands this. But comfort zone violation in normal, not favorable conditions, it makes one regard the behavior of a troublemaker as a manifestation of tactlessness, absolute disrespect and even aggression. This is quite natural, because personal space is perceived as an extension of one's body, a "private zone" that seems acceptable only for the closest people.
Experts believe that, on average, a person's intimate space is at least 50-60 cm. It is worth getting closer, and you will instantly cause discomfort to a person. Only relatives and good friends are allowed to cross this line. Scientists are convinced that the violation of the zone of personal space can affect the reduction of human life. Forced communicative intimacy leads to discomfort and neuroses, and they, like a chain reaction, lead to much more serious health disorders.
Nevertheless, there are those who do not recognize the restrictions in communication even with people they hardly know: without permission, they can hug, and touch, and take the hand, and rub the clothes of the interlocutor during a conversation, and when they meet, they love to kiss and embrace. And this behavior is due to their natural simplicity in sociability, the manifestation of friendliness. Or maybe they were brought up in big family, and therefore unable to understand the importance of "personal space". Unfortunately, such people, even with wonderful spiritual qualities, in most cases cause by no means a favorable impression. If you try to give in, try to be patient with an increased manifestation of attention, this will not end in anything good for both the first and the second person. Sooner or later hidden negative emotions can manifest themselves in a very unexpected way and the “offender” runs the risk of learning a lot of interesting things about himself. The only thing Possible Solution problems is the initial notification that you don't like being touched, etc., an explanation of the reason. But that doesn't always work either.
A remarkable fact: the boundaries of personal space quite often take place in relations between relatives and members of the same family. This distance should not be regarded as a manifestation of distrust and lack of intimacy: sometimes each of us needs privacy and our own place.
Let's look at a relevant example from the animal world. Why do dogs mark territory? You guessed it, they also need their own space, and so they convey to other brothers the information that this is their domain. This is the lifelong occupation of a person, because he also “marks” his area: he buys a house, equips everything, closes it with a lock, etc.
And now we propose to analyze an ordinary, but very common case from family life. Why, after some time, chic couples often break up, why do people who once loved each other with all their hearts begin to show hatred and intolerance? The answer is extremely simple: one of them is subject to control by the spouse, there is an invasion of personal space. And the point is not at all in distrust, but in the absence of a sense of freedom. There always comes a moment when you want to take a break even from the most pleasant society, and a lack of understanding on this issue on the part of a loved one makes you feel constrained, squeezed, gives rise to a desire to run away to hell, if only to no longer see an unnerving person. This is what also contributes to the numerous quarrels between parents and teenagers. Growing children open up the whole world, they are eager to flutter like butterflies and learn something unknown, get new sensations and overseeing fathers and mothers are perceived as true despots. The lack of elementary understanding and the lack of personal space for fragile and impressionable youths sometimes leads to disastrous consequences.
So, remember to respect each other's personal space. It is much easier to win a person's favor with tactful behavior than with obsessive proximity.
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The space of communication is a common visual and conceivable space with an unambiguous understanding of the meaning of the means of communication.
The space of communication should be the same for everyone included in it.
During a conversation, it is important:
so that the interlocutors can see each other;
¦ strive for them to be in equal positions of communication and see the same visual picture before their eyes;
so that the words have the same meaning.
It is necessary to remember:
¦adults and children are constantly in different "spaces", each in his own; in the "space" of the child, the main place is occupied by games, classes, etc .;
¦adults and children are in different positions;
Adults and children often see completely different meanings in the same words.
How to overcome the above contradictions? To create a common “space” for communication is the most important task of an educator, an adult, because a child is not yet able to do this. In this regard, the adult often invites the child to move into his "space". For example, this happens when the teacher invites children to classes. Children come, but this does not mean that each of them is actually present where the teacher would like to see him. Mentally, a child can be anywhere: in a fairy tale, in an unfinished craft, etc. He hardly switches from one activity to another, because even adults find it difficult to move from one activity to another.
The teacher must organize communication in such a way that it is pleasant, because the child needs to experience the pleasure of communicating with the teacher. This enhances the pedagogical effect.
The task. Ask both children and adults about what they understand by the words “independence”, “freedom”, “responsibility”, “duty”, “rights”.
Communication as interpersonal interaction
Communication implies some kind of result:
change in the child's behavior;
changing the activities of children;
getting pleasure from the process.
In order to more effectively influence the child in communication, its different forms (types) can be used based on the situation, age (Fig. 3.7). So, for example, in adolescence, it is preferable to build communication using the request form.
Rice. 3.7. Types of communication in interaction
To achieve high results of influencing the child, the educator must be well versed in the methods of persuasion and suggestion.
Belief is the process of influencing consciousness by logical substantiation of any judgment or conclusion. It is in a special way influence on a person or group of people (Fig. 3.8).
Rice. 3.8. The main signs of persuasion
It is very difficult to convince a person who is not versed in any area, since he does not know the elementary laws of the issue under discussion. Therefore, before arguing your point of view, it is necessary to offer the listener at least the basic information that is necessary for discussion. The better it is done, the better. Only by arming a person with certain knowledge, by informing him of a certain range of knowledge, you can discuss with him the problems that interest you.
In order to convince a child of something, it is necessary to know and take into account some features (Fig. 3.9). KNOW the child's opinion on the issue under discussion, the opinion of the majority of the children in the group
CONSIDER facts and phenomena that concern children, alleged counter-judgments (do not evade answers!)
BE ABLE to establish psychological contact with the child, gain trust
The teacher himself must be convinced of what he convinces the child
Accessibility, understandability of logical arguments
Great endurance, patience, tact Fig. 3.9. Positions of an adult when persuading a child
Suggestion is the influence on feelings with the help of emotionally colored images to induce certain behavior. By figurative expression V. N. Bekhterev, suggestion, unlike persuasion, enters a person’s consciousness not from the “front door”, but, as it were, from the “back porch”, bypassing the “watchman” - criticism.
To inspire means to act on feelings, and through them on the mind and will of a person, in order to induce action, in other words, to act in such a way that there is no place for criticism and judgment.
Suggestion, by creating an attitude, can more or less effectively predetermine the child's behavior. Suggestion as a method of influence is based on certain needs and aspirations that the child has.
Let us give an example of the use of suggestion. We want to inspire a child who is in a waking state to perform a certain behavioral act: to drink jelly from a cup. To do this, we start a conversation about hunger, pour jelly into a cup and drink it greedily, expressing pleasure with all appearances, after which we report that the jelly is tasty and cool. Thus, we convince the child to believe that jelly is really tasty and cool, so that he himself would have a desire to try this product.
Suggestion in this case is based on a certain strength of the body's need to satisfy the feeling of hunger.
The diagram below (Fig. 3.10) shows a behavioral act that proceeds unconsciously (under the influence of suggestion). In this case, the level of conscious control over their actions decreases.
Rice. 3.10. Scheme of a behavioral act
Suggestion causes a concentration of excitation in a certain focus of the cerebral cortex. Under conditions of inhibition of the rest of the cortex, the content of the suggested influence acquires irresistible force. This explains its effectiveness (Fig. 3.11).
| SUGGEMENT IS CARRIED OUT |
|
| 1. SPEECH MEANS: Slow pace of speech Rhythmic repetition; Visual explanation of the main idea; Illustration of the same thought by different means; b) intonation: many shades of thought can be conveyed. In the question "I hope everything is clear?" there can be affirmation, and doubt, and joy, and fear, and certainty; every extra fraction of a second is already significant. This is either expectation, or reproach, or rest, etc. 2. NON-SPEECH MEANS: a) facial expressions, pantomime, gestures; b) the actions of another person; c) environment. One of the important features of facial expressions is the movement and expression of the gaze. | PERSONALITY OF THE INSPIRER: His conviction; Competence; ENVIRONMENT: a) natural, subject-. the room is clean, tidy inspires appropriate behavior; b) social-. the presence of children drawing can inspire a desire to draw too |
Rice. 3.11. Components of suggestion
A child, especially a small one, cannot always understand and realize the meaning of the rules and norms of behavior. In these cases, the method of suggestion is indispensable: the educator creates an emotionally significant
situation, affecting the feelings of the child. For example, he inspires the child that a person is beautiful if he follows the rules of behavior.
On the basis of suggestion, stereotypes (habits) of behavior are formed. And their deep reflection and understanding will come later.
The impact on children should be emotionally rich, inspiring the beauty of behavior, creativity, wildlife, admiration for it and love for it.
With the help of words, intonation, facial expressions, gestures, actions of the educator and an environment corresponding to the emotionally described images, the desired result is achieved with the help of suggestion, because children by their nature are very easy to suggest.
Whether or not the suggestion acts as independent remedy pedagogical influence or as a component of persuasion, there must always be close contact between the educator and the child.
Suggestion can be direct and indirect.
Direct suggestion - the impact of speech with a certain figurative meaning. In life, it is required to perform some behavioral acts automatically, without hesitation, completely trusting the signal word for these actions. An example of such an impact are commands, instructions during the game: “Stop!”, “Step march!” and etc.
Suggested instruction is used in the form of concise phrases, the so-called suggestion formulas, pronounced by the educator in the most imperative tone. At the same time, the teacher expressively looks into the eyes of the child, enhancing the inspiring influence of his words. Sometimes you can invite the baby to close his eyes and focus on the voice of the teacher. The child can repeat individual verbal formulas after the teacher, for example: “I like to draw!” etc.
Indirect suggestion (indirect, through objects) - is carried out in the form of disclosure of a fact (description of a case) committed by others, in the form of an example, etc.
It may be expedient, by means of an example of great inspiring power, or by means of a story, to influence the child by means of indirect suggestion.
Suggestibility is the subjective willingness to be subjected to and obey an inspiring influence. Suggestibility increases:
¦ with a decrease in the age of the child;
¦with a decrease in the criticality of consciousness, thinking;
¦ with a decrease in self-esteem, insecurity;
¦ with an increase in emotionality, impressionability, anxiety;
¦ in the presence of such character traits as gullibility, timidity, shyness;
in a state of relaxation, fatigue;
¦ with a shortage of time;
¦with a low level of competence in the issue under discussion;
¦with the "pressure" of the group surrounding.
Suggestibility decreases under the following conditions:
growing up;
¦increasing the criticality of consciousness, thinking;
¦increasing self-esteem;
the presence of self-confidence;
¦reduction of anxiety, impressionability;
¦ the presence of such character traits as independence, activity, confidence;
a state of cheerfulness, activity;
a state of stability;
¦ a high level of competence in the issue under discussion;
independence from the influence of others.
The effect of suggestion on the child is facilitated by his great imitation.
Imitation is aimed at reproduction (copying) by an individual of external features of behavior, manners, actions, deeds. Since children are very imitative, the teacher should be especially attentive:
¦ to one's behavior, manners, actions;
The child grasps all this intuitively, as certain features of the mental make-up of adult behavior, and then all this is deposited in the mind of the child, and his image of behavior is unconsciously molded.
In real human relationships, persuasion, suggestion, imitation are interconnected and intertwined, but, of course, beliefs play a leading role.
The task. Given the message: "Under New Year the film "Carnival Night" will be shown. Transform this message first into a form of persuasion and then into a form of suggestion.
“Carnival Night is a good movie, as it has been on the screen for more than half a century. Millions of viewers have watched this film more than once, ”is a conviction.
“If you watch this movie, you will get great emotional pleasure. Each actor is unique in his talent. For example, the image of Ogurtsov, performed by the actor I. Ilyinsky ... ”is a suggestion.
Situation. Often we hear how mothers, communicating with their children, assess their capabilities in different ways. Some say: “You can do what I can’t!” or “You are right, well done!”. And other mothers say: “You are still small, listen to what adults say!”, “What do you understand, if you learn, then you will understand!”.
What is the fundamental difference in communication between mothers and their children?
Solution. Some mothers, as it were, instill self-confidence in the child (“If mom praises, then I’m worth something!”). They contribute to his maturation, create an active life position help to assert themselves.
Other mothers, on the contrary, contribute to the appearance of self-doubt in their child (“If mom scolds, then I’m not worth anything, I’m bad!”). In such children, anxiety is formed, activity decreases, and a tendency to pessimism arises.
Situation. Restrictions, prohibitions and countless "don'ts" are often included in the arsenal of individual mothers when raising their children. This allows them to control their child, to manage it.
*) How will this behavior of the mother affect the development
self-regulation of the baby?
Solution. Restrictions and prohibitions hinder the development of a child's self-regulation, as they force him to always keep in touch with his mother, to constantly decide what can and cannot be done. The child obeys the instructions of the mother, believes her, but at the same time it turns out to be completely dependent. The child will need such regulation of his behavior for a long time. Only by offering her child freedom can a mother program the need to rely on her own strength, on her own independence. It is under such conditions that the child arises and develops the ability to be himself and build own life at will, and it is this behavior of the mother that forms in him a system of self-control, self-regulation and reasonable self-discipline. Education as a way of managing a child turns into self-education, self-improvement.
Situation. Mothers who care about the physical education of their children brought them to physical education classes. But there are significant differences in how they address their children. One mother, addressing her son Sasha, said: “You can go without a hat, but when it gets really cold, put on a hood.” But Slavik’s mother constantly repeated: “Step away from the window, it will blow you out, you will get sick”, “You are pale, aren’t you sick?”, “You are weak, take a rest.”
What is the fundamental difference between the appeals of these mothers to their
Solution. First of all, mothers program the behavior of their children with their statements. Most often this happens unconsciously and depends on the norms that were established in the families in which mothers grew up.
Sasha's mother, relying on the adequacy of the child, programs the development of his activity: "Act, defend yourself!". Physical education is not only the performance of physical exercises, but also a psychological attitude to a healthy lifestyle, to the development of self-awareness.
Slavik's mother initially assesses her son as incapable of self-defense. She puts in his consciousness passivity, weakness: “You are weak with me - take a rest”, “Are you sick?”. She does not set her son up for success in the physical exercises that are so necessary in life. And the content and intonation of the mother's address only predetermine the behavior of her child in the future and provoke the likelihood of his weak physical development.
INSTRUCTIONS
ADVANCE
PERSONAL
EXCLUSIVENESS
STRENGTHENING MOTIVATION
HIGH GRADE DETAILS
"It's okay... It happens that people are afraid..." "Do you remember that..."
"You can do it..."
"Only you can do it.," We need it so much for ... "
“That part of you is wonderful!”
Rice. 3.12. Success situation and its creation
Suggestion is made easier if you try to join the child. For example, a mother should equate herself with a child, become like him. To do this, she should:
take the same posture, movements, gestures as the child;
adjust the rhythm of your breathing according to the rhythm of the child's breathing;
¦ take the right hand of a child who is inspired by something, that is, make a special gesture that generates trust and sympathy ( right hand connected more than 1/4 with the brain); such contact is equivalent to directly influencing the consciousness and subconsciousness, and therefore, holding the child by the hand, it is easy for the mother to hold his attention;
¦ "draw" emotionally vivid imaginary pictures to the child.
For a child - a favorite swing, for an adult - a certain bench in the park or, for example, a table in a cafe ... Each of us has a favorite, long-chosen place. And it becomes uncomfortable when someone else suddenly takes it. Around a person there is a certain shell that has several levels. It is called his personal space.
This topic is very curious and often touched upon by psychologists. After all, having such knowledge, it will be easy for you to win over a person to yourself, learn how to create comfortable communication without violating the boundaries of personal space.
There are 4 zones of space:
Intimate zone (from 15 to 46 centimeters) This is the main zone of space, its man guards his territory like a lion. And it reacts violently and negatively to attempts to penetrate its borders. Only the closest people (relatives, spouse, children, friends) with whom a person is in close emotional contact are allowed to cross them. There is also a small subzone (15 cm) that can only be penetrated through physical contact. It's called the super-intimate zone.
Personal zone (46 centimeters to 1.2 meters) The distance that can be observed at parties, receptions, friendly evenings. They also try to preserve this space by communicating with co-workers and acquaintances.
Social zone (from 1.2 to 3.6 meters) A person keeps this distance with unfamiliar people whom he sees not for the first time, but has no relationship with them, in addition to work or other joint activities. For example, a new employee at work.
Public area (more than 3.6 meters) Comfortable distance in a group of people, at meetings for work, study. If it is violated by strangers, it gives the impression of a lack of space. Arguing on the topic of personal space, it is wrong to forget that a person tends to "mark" his territory. On the example of animals, we saw how our smaller brothers defend their land, female, family. But this is their personal space, which they subconsciously appropriated and will not allow others to take away from them. It's exactly the same with people.
Watch your loved ones. You will notice that, for example, the father likes to sit in the same armchair in the evenings, the child plays in a certain place in the room, and it is unpleasant for you if someone at the table drinks from your cup, although it has neither a signature nor name. These little things show that a person has his own space, for which he is ready to fight.
The situation is similar with physical intimacy. For a man and a woman, if they are close to each other, this is normal. But between unfamiliar and unfamiliar people in close contact (for example, in the subway or elevator during a crush), embarrassment is felt. Women sometimes react indignantly to the touch of unfamiliar men. Therefore, it is important to know what kind of relationship you are with a person and how close you can be to him. Understanding the principle of personal space, you can build relationships in a team, avoid misunderstandings, or vice versa, letting a person come closer, show that you care about him.
Take care of yourself and your space, and remember that you always have the right to it!
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